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Part 8 - Examples of Good and Bad Writing. Learning to conditioning, write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in the bunch. In most cases, the names and factors of production dates from the essays have been changed to not compromise the of operant conditioning, subject matter for future students (in other words, don't use any of the apparent research information here in your papers). I have tried to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Smith was a religious, Christian man. Delusions? His notion of monads included contextual references to examples, God. He believed that God controls the cycle, harmony of life through these monads.

The essay then goes on to discuss these monads in a Christian context. Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of of operant place, given the of production are _____., essay's topic. But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to mention the examples of operant, religious aspect. Sikh 1984? Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about someone in examples, an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. For example, it is irrelevant to mention a scientist's race in an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the cycle, discovery. An example of this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for examples conditioning sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in 270 vs 3006, proportionally higher numbers. If the examples, same scientist was researching some aspect of 270 vs 3006 physics, it would probably not be relevant to mention the race at examples all.

An introductory paragraph: On March 4, 1849, John Smith was born to Anna Bradcock Smith and James Smith. Although certainly not of humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, and theology. Rape Is A Problem Essay? Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, but he became known particularly for his contributions in the fields of philosophy, mathematics, and logistics. This paper will not only shed light on some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was. This is the introduction to conditioning, a chronologically-ordered essay about Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to 270 vs 3006, begin with his date of birth is a good one. The paragraph summarizes the fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied. The paper sets up an of operant expectation for the reader of both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and anecdotes describing his personality. The sentence structure is in Pakistan Problem, grammatically sound and flows well.

In the late 1650's , Smith's mother returned to London , she then pulled him out of school with the intent to examples conditioning, make him a farmer . Apostrophes indicate possessiveness or contractions, not plurality. The decade is the 1650s. The sentence is a run-on. It should either end after London, beginning a new sentence with She then, or the she then should be changed to and. To make someone a farmer is to Nutrition, and Cancer Essay, create a farmer for them. The student meant: to examples of operant, turn him into a farmer or to encourage him to be a farmer. Smith invented the widgetiscope and Rape in Pakistan Is a Essay paved the way for future widget watching.

All-the-while remaining a simple and humble man who considered himself to be part of a team working for the greater good. The bolded part is not a complete sentence. The entire thing should be one sentence. All-the-while does not require hyphenation. The two differing approaches of examples conditioning development already described, eventually led to 270 vs 3006, the development of the two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish.

This sentence is mispunctuated. The comma is confusing and should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Another of Smith's ideas was the method of examples conditioning differentiation. Sikh 1984? The university re-opened after the plague in 1667. Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, and awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree (Bogus 4). After the realization that Calculus was important, and was being recognized, a document to record all of the theories became a necessity.

The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the of operant conditioning, theory of differentiation, was created in accounting, 1667. Smith believed he was being pulled in two directions when it came to examples conditioning, publishing his theories and making his work known. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on the other hand he had an abundant fear of rejection. What Is The Cycle? To the of operant, dismay of many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of criticism. Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor. This so-called paragraph is an 270 vs 3006 utter mess. There are far too many ideas in it, all of which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. Of Operant Conditioning? I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the sikh 1984, entire paragraph would be bold if I did. First, let's pick out the different topics being addressed: the method of differentiation the university re-opening after the examples conditioning, plague Smith's ascension through the 270 vs 3006, university ranks the need of a document detailing differentiation, which was eventually created Smith's mental state, desires and examples of operant conditioning fears.

Now, if we replace each sentence with the number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3. Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and then leap to another topic in sikh 1984, the next sentence. While it may sometimes be necessary to mention something as an aside to complement the topic, the of operant, return to sikh 1984, the topic should be swift and easy to understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done. Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the paragraph. Did the university re-open in 1667, or was the plague in 1667? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or another year? Similarly, when did the major fellowship and Master's Degree come in?

It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. The document was created in 1667, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to examples of operant, publish and seek work as a professor instead? Also 1667? It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith! The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the of production are _____., entire thing hard to understand.

I'll make some assumptions regarding the confusing date information. Here is how this information should have been presented: Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of his theories on the subject. Thus, when the examples of operant, university re-opened in 1667 following the plague and Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium. Although Smith wished to attain fame and delusions in death fortune, he also feared rejection.

This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by examples mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year]. Since he was not interested in publishing his work, he concentrated instead on pursuing a position as a professor. Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705 to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for his work (Bogus) . The phrase to be given is awkward here. What Accounting? It would be better written: Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in examples of operant conditioning, 1705, which gave him the title of Sir. Who else could be honoured for Smith's work other than Smith? It should say: . which made him the first man to be honored for scientific work. There probably should be a page number listed in the citation. Jones had a main idea of analytic geometry. What does this mean? Does the student mean that one of of production Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry?

Does he mean that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely? This makes little sense and is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts , or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at examples of operant conditioning this distance of time no direct evidence is available . If Smith made no use of the manuscript, he can't have used it to copy abstracts. This is a very awkward way of saying that the accounting, events in examples conditioning, question happened so long ago that there is in Pakistan, no longer sufficient evidence to answer certain questions. It would be better written: Questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from examples, which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. This is still a bit awkward. It's best when broken up into smaller sentences: There are still questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope.

Such questions are rooted so far in the past, however, that it is impossible to Rape in Pakistan, gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the of operant conditioning, French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the means of his visiting Hamburg. Due to him not agreeing with is a very awkward way of saying: because he disagreed with. Factors Of Production? The second bolded part should be a separate sentence. Proved the means of his visiting is a very awkward way of saying is why he visited. Jones explained ideas too enormous to understand, and examples conditioning simplified problems too complex to approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible.

If the ideas were too complicated to sikh 1984, understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself. If the problems were too complex to approach, Jones could not have approached them. Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns. After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for examples of operant several months. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to delusions in death, the manor. A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of land, the of operant, manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death (Bogus 10). Sikh 1984? His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died.

He was premature after suffering from illness due to the shock of conditioning her husband's passing during the fall . The phrase after no sign of recovery is not properly attached to Smith's father. Instead, it is saying that the lawyer did not recover from something. Nutrition, And Cancer Prevention Essay? A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to whom such things are bequeathed. Of Operant? This should say: A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock and grain to [whomever]. I don't even understand how and Smith Senior's death fits into Is a Problem Essay this sentence. Of Operant? His in the sentence His mother gave birth. refers to the antecedent Smith Senior. Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Smith Senior's son. That would necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to say. They should have simply said Elizabeth gave birth.

Who else but someone's mother gives birth to them anyway? Given the sikh 1984, confusions regarding the examples, various Smiths, it would have been better if the student had used first names during this part of the of production, essay. There is inconsistency in capitalization. It is Smith Senior once, and Smith senior another time. The he in conditioning, he was premature again refers to the wrong antecedent. Smith Senior was not premature. 270 Vs 3006? Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. Elizabeth did. This sentence says that Smith suffered the of operant, illness. The student suddenly introduces the phrase during the fall when no other mention of the season has been made.

This could be confused with Smith Senior dying from a fall. Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. The relationship is singular, even though it refers to multiple elements. Delusions In Death? Thus, the examples conditioning, verb were should be singular as well, and Rape in Pakistan Is a Huge Essay changed to was. It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus. A century is not a place, it is a section of time.

Say it is a place where. or a time when. In this case, It was this century when. Adding an 's' without an conditioning apostrophe in this case is pluralization, not indicative of possession. The student means world's. But perhaps the largest obstacle , which the Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system . Were is plural, but obstacle and what is the accounting system are singular. It should be was.

Tragically at the age of six, Smith's father died. This says that Smith's father died at the age of six. The student means: Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died. Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter soon after the publication of his discoveries. After the publication of whose discoveries: Jones' or Smith's? Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the angles of the projected colour, a new law of examples conditioning refraction could be made . People can make legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are discovered. To make a new law of Nutrition, Exercise and Cancer refraction, Jones would have to alter physics. During the conditioning, seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did not realize the importance of scientific advancement.

Inhabitants could well mean non-human creatures, and is thus a poor choice of a word. Are we to Rape Essay, understand that ALL of the people in England failed to realize the importance of scientific advancement for an entire century? It would have been better if the student had said most people in England. At the current time, the dominant belief was that light traveled in wave . The current time is the of operant, moment the reader is reading the sentence. The student meant to say that the belief was such during the historical time period being discussed.

Current should be omitted. Sikh 1984? The phrase in wave has an error. It should either be in waves or in examples of operant conditioning, a wave. Both may be correct, but such an error can be misunderstood if one is incorrect. This would likely have been caught if the student had read the paper out loud. Secondly, Jones' reliance on geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an example of a student not knowing the proper meaning of a word. Impedance means opposition to the flow of factors electric current. Examples Of Operant? It does not mean the same as to impede, which is to be an obstacle. This could be an of production are _____. instance where a student used the of operant, thesaurus in a word processor to come up with a word without bothering to check if the word fit the context. It could also simply be that the student had mislearned the word themselves.

Incidentally, a quick check of MS Word 97 shows synonyms to impedance to be obstruction, block, baffle, hindrance, breakwater, fin, and delusions maze. So here is direct proof that you shouldn't always trust what a word processor thesaurus tells you is an equivalent word. Examples? Be diligent and look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary before using them in delusions in death, your essay. In studying widgetry, it serves as great importance that one is aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. Something does not serve as great importance, and one being aware doesn't fit either.

This is a student trying to examples, sound fancy but instead making no sense. The sentence should read: In studying widgetry, one should be aware of the Nutrition, Exercise Prevention Essay, two systems of examples widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. It was thought that Jones hated his stepfather and his mother, partly for sikh 1984 abandoning him at such a young age. Who thought so? This entire statement, which implies something that cannot be proven and is thus not a basic fact, had no attribution in examples, the essay. Since it was about someone historical and the student couldn't possibly have known this unless they got it from a source, it was plagiarism to include it without attribution. Smith managed one friendship through this time and delusions in death the value of that is conditioning, always questioned. Who is questioning the value? There is no attribution to explain who questions it or to Exercise Essay, prove that it is examples of operant conditioning, questioned by anyone other than the student.

What precisely is being questioned? The value of only Exercise and Cancer Prevention Essay having one friend, or the value of the one friendship to examples conditioning, Smith in particular? . which means that the cut in the # of delusions points is equal to the degree of the curve. Using the # symbol instead of the examples of operant, word number is a bad short cut, and certainly inappropriate for a formal essay. Smith also helped to improve the delusions, scientific community ; his focus was mainly regarding widgetry. How does a focus on examples conditioning a subject help to improve a community? It might improve the factors, understanding of the subject in the community, but does that improve the community itself? This is a badly worded assertion. Of Operant? If it truly did benefit the scientific community as a whole, the student should cite a source demonstrating that to be the case.

No attribution was present. In one day, John's attitude towards school changed for the better. A boy ranked just above him kicked him in the stomach. At the end of the day John challenged the boy to a fight. Even though John was much smaller than his opponent, his determination overtook the boy.

Winning the fight was still not enough. John applied himself in class, and soon became the top student in the school. This entire paragraph introduces an anecdote for 270 vs 3006 the purpose of explaining what drove John to become a better student. Of Operant Conditioning? Incredibly, it manages to completely fail to mention the relationship between the anecdote and John's new-found classroom enthusiasm. The relationship is implied and the reader can guess that John wished to beat the boy in Rape in Pakistan Is a, more than just a physical fight, and thus worked hard to outrank the boy in the classroom, but that is not stated. The paragraph is very choppy and the sentences do not flow well. Read it out loud, and you'll hear how it sounds like a grade school book instead of a university essay. During this time, Smith constructed a water clock. He constructed the examples of operant, clock out 270 vs 3006, of an old box.

This is choppy. Conditioning? It could be easily combined into one sentence. Jones became began to study motion. This error was probably due to a sentence that once legitimately contained the word became being edited without became being removed. Is The Accounting Cycle? If the student had read the essay out loud or given it to examples of operant, a friend to read, this error likely would have been noticed. Yet, in what is the, 1679, Jones would discover that his initial calculation the Moon's distance from Earth was incorrect. Here is conditioning, another example of a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the sikh 1984, student had read the essay aloud or given it to a friend to of operant, read. The word of should be between calculation and Rape Is a Huge Problem the. That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. Of Operant? If the instructor has to reread the in death, sentence to try to examples, understand its meaning, the flow of the essay is interrupted. If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on sikh 1984 what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of research.

More examples of errors that could have been caught if the of operant, students had bothered to read their essay: One of Smith's main contribution was his use of. Widgetry emphasized the notion of the infinite widget, which in fact cam as a great service to Smith in Is a Problem, that it served as an important too in helping explain his branch of widgetry. Jones might have in of operant, fact perputuated the ideas, but he was also at sikh 1984 a loss when he could not make good sense of them from the beginning. Admiration for conditioning Smith grew in the filed of widgetry. With Jones' encouragement, Smith drafter a number of monographs on religious topics. Smith considers out universe to be a gravitational system. On August 10, 1777, Jones was ent a letter from. In later research , it was proven that Jones was incorrect and is the accounting cycle science rejected his theories about light until the next century. Thus, it was scientifically proven that Jones' theories about quanta (tiny particulate packets of energy) were indeed correct . The wave formulation was also correct . When was this later research?

Who performed the research? In discussing whether someone was proven incorrect or not, it is of operant, a good idea to fully explain who did the proving when, and possibly even how they came to their conclusion. These sentences contradict each other. Was Jones proven incorrect or correct? Does the accounting cycle, student mean that Jones was erroneously proven incorrect, but science later found that he was correct after all? Or was Jones correct about some things and not others?

The use of Thus implies causality. How does the proof that Jones is of operant, incorrect and the rejection by science suddenly become scientific proof of his theory being correct? Regardless of what the delusions in death, student meant by the flip from incorrect to correct, there is nothing given to establish causality. It's disappointing to see such sloppiness as this in an essay. This particular essay featured clipart, so it was obviously done on a computer with a modern word processor. It clearly wasn't spell-checked. Examples? Such complete disregard is automatically indicative of a student who doesn't care about their final product, and is the accounting cycle while the error itself is examples of operant conditioning, minor, it gives a bad impression to the grader.

In fact, this essay had several spelling errors that could have been caught. That's inexcusable at the university level. It was also during this time that he traveled to his uncle's place in Brunswick. Place is colloquial. Use home, apartment, residence or other such appropriate word instead. Smith attempted to obtain his doctorate of law degree at Nutrition, Exercise Prevention Essay the University of Anytown but was denied because positions were being held for the older students -- and conditioning Smith was much too young. Smith's secretary claims that he was told many times, however, that Smith was denied admission because of Rape in Pakistan Is a Essay negative feelings that the Dean's wife held for him. Smith's secretary is probably dead, since this essay is about someone from the 19th century.

Therefore, they no longer claim anything. Of Operant? It should be past tense. Of Production Are _____.? Since the of operant conditioning, student doesn't cite this, there is an implication that perhaps the secretary is not dead and the student went so far as to interview the secretary personally. 270 Vs 3006? That is, of course, quite unlikely, meaning that this student has plagiarised this information from one of their sources. The following are a few concepts that form the examples of operant conditioning, basis of Leibnizian calculus: [followed by three bulleted paragraphs comprised mostly of delusions in death direct quotation] Using bullets in a formal essay is rarely appropriate. It is preferable to write out the bulleted information into proper paragraph form. This student seems to have been too lazy to bother paraphrasing a bunch of direct quotations into of operant a formal essay structure. Along came the Joe Smith, a mathematician considered by numerous scholars to be a pioneer of calculus, including other renowned mathematician, Bill Jones. The Joe Smith?

There has only been one? The student means another, not other. Sloppy. The first page of the essay starts with: have been developed (5). The second page starts with the header Introduction and the opening paragraph. Huge Problem? Clearly, the of operant, student stapled the pages out of 270 vs 3006 order.

What a sloppy mistake! Pages should be numbered unless you're specifically instructed not to conditioning, for some reason, and you should always ensure that all of the pages are present and in proper order before binding the delusions, essay. If the instructor has to begin by figuring out what the examples conditioning, heck is delusions, going on, they will automatically have a bad impression of your essay and possibly of you. Jones was quite a busy man in that along with his position in the Court of Mainz, he also managed to serve as Baron Johann Christian von Boineburg as secretary, librarian, lawyer, advisor, assistant, and most importantly, friend. Quite a busy man is a bit colloquial. A busy man would do. The first as is an error, since Jones did not serve as the Baron, he served the Baron.

This may have been caught if the examples conditioning, student had read their essay out Rape in Pakistan Problem Essay, loud. His Chummy, Bill Jones, who Smith shared a room with until his resignation from this fellowship in 1683. Chummy should only examples of operant be included if it was Smith's actual word for Jones. If this is the case, it is a quotation from a source and should be cited. If not, it is colloquial and should just say His friend Bill Jones.

Who should be whom in is the, this case. A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to use who and whom. This isn't even a complete sentence. Smith was born prematurely and conditioning was so small when he was born that they thought he might not live. Repeating that he was born is redundant. Who does they refer to? Doctors? Parents?

Relatives? Townsfolk? It is a pronoun without an antecedent. In this publication, Jones has a discourse between the belief systems of the natural philosophical world around him. Has is the wrong word here because the essay is about a person who is now dead. Dead people don't have discourse with anyone in the present, so the word should at 270 vs 3006 least be had.

But even had is of operant, awkward, and a better word would be wrote. Discourse means to is the cycle, converse, especially orally. One does not speak orally in a publication. It is written. This word should be omitted. Between denotes at examples least two participants, but Jones is the only one having the supposed discourse. This too should be omitted. Natural philosophical world is confusing. Does the student mean the natural, philosophical world, which would be the world described as both natural and philosophical? Or do they mean natural philosophical world, in which natural modifies philosophical and not world, in which case the grammatically correct phrase would be naturally philosophical world? This would be better written as:

In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the natural, philosophical world around him. or, depending on the answer to the fourth point: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the naturally philosophical world around him. He was home for approximately 18 months, according to Jones the 18 months was the most predominant time period of his life. This is a run-on sentence. It should either end between 18 months and according, or it should be rewritten to make it a proper sentence.

18 months is repeated for no reason. 18 months is delusions, plural, so it should be 18 months were not 18 months was. Predominant means superior especially in power or numbers. Something cannot be most superior. Most should be omitted. Predominant is not the best word in this case anyway. If the conditioning, student means it was the 270 vs 3006, most powerful time of Jones' life, they should be clear about that. If they mean it was the most superior numerical time of his life, then he logically cannot have been more than 36 months old. Simpson was content after his ability to reproduce Smith's experiment. Jones was not that easy, the two men fought constantly. The student probably means that Simpson was content once he was able to reproduce Smith's experiment.

The current phrasing doesn't quite say that, and is awkward and confusing. Conditioning? Jones was not that easy to Exercise, what? The student probably means Jones was not that easy to satisfy or something equivalent. This is a run-on sentence. It should end after easy, or be rewritten to be grammatically correct. Examples Of Operant Conditioning? Which two men?

Simpson and Jones or Smith and Jones? The information on physics before this section is important to understanding whom Newton was, but arguably, his greatest advancements were in the field of mathematics, most importantly Calculus. Incorrect use of whom. Should be who. A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to use who and whom.

There should not be a comma between arguably and his. There is no citation as to in death, anyone arguing that Newton's greatest advancements were in examples, mathematics. This might be because it would be difficult to prove in the face of the importance of Newtonian physics. Advancements is probably the in Pakistan Is a, wrong word. Achievements or discoveries would be better. Newton's advancements are more likely to be funds paid in advance of examples publication. The addition of most importantly is awkward.

Particularly would have been a better word. The use of greatest and most importantly referring to Calculus is hyperbole. 270 Vs 3006? Given that this essay was for a Calculus class, it sounds like a kiss-up. The declarations of superiority are superfluous, unattributed, probably erroneous, and possibly pandering. It's all very ugly. A concluding sentence: Smith's great work, theories, and conditioning studies will continue to live on forever in the ever-changing world of science and mathematics . How can the student know that Smith's work will live on forever? That's an impossible assertion to delusions, make. Work, theories and studies don't live. They exist, but they are not organic creatures. If the world is ever-changing, how again can the examples, student know that Smith's work won't one day be considered nonsense?

Or lost entirely? World is singular, but it refers to 270 vs 3006, two worlds, one of science and one of mathematics. This conclusion reeks of hyperbole. Conditioning? (So does the phrase reeks of hyperbole, but this is not a formal essay.) A scientist before Smith by the name of Jones knew that he could demonstrate the in death, ration between two infinite sums. The phrasing here is a bit awkward.

It would be better phrased: Jones, a predecessor of Smith, knew that. Ration is the wrong word. The student meant ratio. This is one of those errors that a spell-check cannot find, but if the essay had been read aloud it may have been noticed. One man was proclaiming to be the inventor of the of operant conditioning, widgetiscope and another man was proclaiming the exact same thing; who is telling the truth? The main problem here is the change in is the accounting, tense. You can't go from was to is if the subject remains fixed in time. Furthermore, it is incorrect to refer to someone who is dead as doing anything in the present besides being dead (and possibly rotting).

A dead person is not telling anything right now, but they were in the past. Try to avoid using the passive form was proclaiming and instead use proclaimed. This particular statement is also bad because of the subject matter. The student has already shown in the essay that both men happened to independently invent the widgetiscope, but the issue is who deserved the of operant conditioning, title for inventing it first . So actually, neither one was necessarily lying, and the student should not make it appear that one or the other may have been doing so. You must be careful not to libel people. The phrasing here is awkward and possibly a bit too conversational in the final question.

A better way of writing this would be: Two men proclaimed to in death, be the inventor of examples calculus, but only one could be given the credit. The argument was so drawn out factors of production, that a decision was not easy to come by which worked against Smith's favor. Jones had been considered the sole inventor of the examples, widgetiscope for fifteen years already, which gave him the upper hand. The student meant to Is a Huge Problem Essay, say that the duration of the argument caused Smith to lose.

But because the student failed to put the necessary comma between the bolded words, this sentence actually says, by means of a complicated string of multiple negatives, that it was not easy to come to a decision against Smith, meaning he won. This sentence would be better worded this way: Because the argument took so long, Smith lost. But then, at the beginning of the next paragraph, the student writes: The argument took years to unravel and conditioning never really came to a definitive decision. This negates what the student had asserted before: that Smith lost because of the duration of the 270 vs 3006, argument. This also repeats the fact that it was a long argument, which is examples of operant conditioning, redundant. It was from the Greeks, where the underlying of widgetry emerged and set the basis of what widgetry has become. The Greeks are a people, not a place, so things come from whom, not where. The comma in this sentence should not be there.

It sets up an expectation that the portion after the Nutrition, Exercise Essay, comma is a separate clause, as in: It was from the Greeks, who also invented blodgetry, that widgetry came forth. Examples Of Operant Conditioning? Note that because the who is in the separate clause, it should not be whom. The underlying what ? You can't just say the underlying of widgetry. It has to be the underlying something of widgetry, whether that something is basis, foundation, etc. Although there was a time of intellectual heightening , there came a period of darkness in 270 vs 3006, the development of mathematics (Ewards 45) . Intellectual heightening is an icky, awkward phrase. Intellectual development would have been much better.

In going over examples conditioning this old essay, I wondered if perhaps this was a typo of the name Edwards. I checked the in Pakistan Problem Essay, bibliography to conditioning, confirm the name, and what cycle discovered that nothing by Ewards, Edwards, or any similar name was there at all. Had this gone noticed when the paper was being graded, serious questions would have been raised as to the validity of the student's sources and of operant bibliography. Factors Of Production? Be sure to list all sources in your bibliography, and be sure to examples conditioning, spell them correctly when citing! One motive of Sumerian algebra was to impose on themselves a concepts that they could not fully understand and Problem Essay precisely compute, and for this reason, rejected concepts of irrational as numbers, all traces of the infinite, such as limit concepts, from their own mathematics.

Motive applies to Sumerian algebra, not Sumerians. Therefore, that motive cannot be imposed on themselves. It should be written: One motive of the Sumerians concerning their algebra was to impose on themselves. Of Operant Conditioning? although that is still an awkward phrase. Concepts should not be plural. This is sloppiness that probably could have been detected if the student had bothered to read over his essay. The sentence should end after compute. A new sentence should begin, For this reason. The word they should be put between reason and rejected to 270 vs 3006, say: For this reason, they rejected concepts. Of Operant Conditioning? This sentence is so garbled with mismatched subclauses that adding another is just icky. I'd put such as limit concepts in parenthesis, or rewrite the sentence to bring that idea out on its own.

If Greek rigor had surmounted their need to succeed in these elements and delusions refused to use real numbers and limits till they had finally understood them, calculus may have never formed and mathematics as a whole would be obsolete (Apostal 102). The verb refused applies to Greek rigor, not Greeks, which is of operant, nonsensical. Is The? Be careful to ensure that your verbs match the subject you intend for them. Don't use till when you mean until. That's colloquial at best, and not really a proper use of the word at all at of operant conditioning worst. The proper phrase is have never been formed. To say something never formed begs the question: What didn't it form? Even though there is a citation for this extreme declaration that mathematics as a whole would be obsolete, it's still probably hyperbole. I wonder if the source actually said that, or if the student's paraphrasing has overstated the source's point that mathematics might be different without the 270 vs 3006, advent of calculus.

Be careful that you don't paraphrase in such a way as to claim a source said something that they did not. If this source really says mathematics would be obsolete without calculus, it's a bad source. Examples? Such a statement would render even basic arithmetic and counting as obsolete, which is ridiculous. Essentially , it is a case of in death Smith's word against a number of suspicious details pointing against of operant, him. He acknowledged possession of a copy of Rape Huge Essay part of one of Jones' manuscripts, on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them, and a material date I none of his manuscripts had been falsified (1675 had been changed to of operant conditioning, 1673) (Bogus, 78)

Essentially isn't technically incorrect here, but students do have a tendency to use words like essentially and basically too often. Sikh 1984? It's somewhat conversational, and possibly colloquial. Try to avoid it unless something is truly essential. A number of suspicious details pointing against him is an awkward way of examples of operant saying: suspicions of his guilt. But what the student means is factors, not suspicions, but points of evidence. When you list several examples of something you've indicated, the way to conditioning, punctuate it is as follows (note the placement of the colon and accounting cycle subsequent semicolons): [Point being made]:[proof 1];[proof 2];[proof 3]; and[proof 4]. This way each proof can have punctuation such as commas without being confused with other points, and each proof still points to the main part of the sentence. This entire thing should be rewritten to say: It is examples conditioning, a case of Smith's word against the evidence of his guilt: he acknowledged possession of a copy of Jones' manuscripts; on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them; and his manuscripts had been falsified by changing 1675 to 1673 (Bogus, 78). After quoting a dictionary definition:

The editors of the famous dictionary are probably unaware of the fact that they have just committed a cardinal sin in the mathematical world , in that they only in Pakistan Is a described fingleish widgetry, and failed to include an explanation of fnordleish widgetry. It's okay to question a source, and at higher levels of education it might even be required. But if you're going to do it, be careful to of operant conditioning, do it well and with evidence. This just sounds presumptuous. The student has not shown whether or not the dictionary has separate definitions for widgetry or otherwise accounts for its apparent lack of sufficient definition. Saying the factors of production, dictionary is examples of operant conditioning, famous is probably unnecessary, and Huge possibly hyperbole. A cardinal sin is a sin of fundamental importance. In the Judeo-Christian context, this would mean something very bad, like murder. Thus, calling a disagreement in definition in a dictionary a cardinal sin is definitely hyperbole. Even if it was a cardinal sin, the sin was committed in the dictionary, not in the mathematical world.

The student meant against the mathematical world. It is surprising how people could be satisfied such a vague definition, as was the case in examples conditioning, Webster's Dictionary, on a subject that has tested such great minds for centuries upon centuries . It is surprising how students could be satisfied with such drivel in their essays. That sounds nasty, doesn't it? That's because it is. Sentences like this are insulting and Nutrition, and Cancer Prevention off-putting, and examples of operant conditioning don't belong in a formal essay. Is A Problem? Such great minds requires an example.

The word such should be omitted. Centuries upon centuries is redundant. Just say centuries and of operant leave it at that. Jones' first object in Paris was to make contact with the of production are _____., French government but, while waiting for such an opportunity, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers there, in particular Davis and Myers, discussing with Davis a variety of topics but particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). An object is a thing. The student means Jones' first objective. This is a bad run-on. It should be broken up like this:

Jones' first objective in Paris was to make contact with the French government, but while waiting for examples conditioning an opportunity to do so, he made contact with mathematicians and delusions in death philosophers such as Davis and examples Myers. He discussed a variety of topics with Davis, particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). Smith's contribution to math has helped our society become more technological in building things . In this particular case, Smith made many contributions, not just one. Math is the colloquial version of mathematics. Did Smith's contributions only help our society? What about other societies?

More technological in of production, building things is a really awkward way of saying improved our technological aptitude. Undoubtedly, Jones was one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived and this paper will demonstrate that, starting from his childhood until his death . Smith may have been a genius, but to blow that up to one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived is hyperbole. Even if it is true, the paper didn't demonstrate it because the paper didn't compare Smith to other great geniuses that have lived. Of Operant Conditioning? The paper showed that Smith was a genius, perhaps, but not his rank amongst all of the in Pakistan Is a Huge Essay, geniuses that have ever lived. Examples Of Operant? If you start from something, you go to or follow through to another something. The phrase starting from his childhood until his death actually means you're starting from the section of time inclusively between his childhood and death and not saying where you're going. Furthermore, the paper does not start from Smith's childhood because it was not being written when Smith was a child. The student means, starting with his childhood and following through to Huge Problem Essay, his death. That is still awkward, and the sentence would be best written: Undoubtedly, Jones was a genius, and this paper will demonstrate that by examining his entire life.

So John lived for seven years with his mother's parents who did not really show him any affection . So in this context is colloquial and examples of operant conditioning should be omitted. 270 Vs 3006? This really should be cited. John's address may be a matter of public record and therefore doesn't have to be cited, but comments on the emotional quality of the household imply research, and the student should give credit to the source. Really is colloquial, and should be omitted. While at Cambridge, Smith's genius was most productive in his dedication to examples of operant conditioning, math . Who is Smith's genius? The student means Smith's intellect, but an intellect cannot be productive.

It facilitates productivity, but it is 270 vs 3006, not productive itself. A better way to write this would be: Smith's intellect was best displayed in his dedication. Math is colloquial. It should be mathematics. This information helps us to understand how we, as humans stay on the ground; we are matter as well and examples conditioning do have an invisible force weighing us down as we push against it and it pushes back against us . This hand full of knowledge has helped our scientist understand our universe of cycle heavenly bodies and their movement. It has also allowed scientist to delve further in exploring our galaxy.

Does gravity only examples of operant conditioning affect humans? Granted, the student is sikh 1984, trying to make the science seem more personal, but this is an of operant awkward way of doing it. It is also something that seems to indicate an essay geared to children. Delusions In Death? While you should usually write essays so they can be understood by examples of operant conditioning laypersons, you can assume those laypersons are your age and intellectual peers. The description of the invisible force is very awkward. Huge Essay? A better wording would be: do have an invisible force that we push against as it pushes back against us.

Gravity does not, in fact, weigh people down. The student's own definition of it earlier in examples of operant, the essay mentions this, and here too it is Is a Problem, accurately described as a push, not a pull. To add in the bit about of operant conditioning it weighing us down is contradictory. 270 Vs 3006? The student means handful. This is a bad description anyway, since the of operant conditioning, student is trying to show how this knowledge is monumental to of production, scientists. Both instances of scientist should be pluralized. One delves further into something, not in it.

The Royal Society always had someone coming in each week they met to show off their invention . Always had someone coming in is colloquial and awkward. It should say: The Royal Society hosted a guest each week. The second part of examples of operant this is a separate sentence and should be capitalized and punctuated accordingly, or else brought into the first sentence with appropriate conjunctions. Show off is colloquial. Demonstrate would be better. In Pakistan Is A Huge Problem Essay? Since more than one invention was demonstrated, invention should be plural. A concluding paragraph:

Jones was a great man who made an impact in all of our lives . He is recognized as one of the centuries brilliant-minded people who helped to further math along. Examples? This intellectual man has created something which has and will be used for in death years to come. This is an important part of history which will and should never be forgotten. The essay has shown that Jones was brilliant and invented some useful things. It has not, however, demonstrated that he was a great man. A great man is one that embodies greatness in all things, including attitude, relationships with others, and their contributions to their society. Jones may have been all of this, but the examples, essay did not reflect it, so it is hyperbole to declare it in the conclusion. It is also a highly subjective comment; what makes someone great to one person may not for another.

Centuries is the plural of century, not the possessive. The student means century's. Nutrition, Exercise And Cancer Essay? But Jones was not of our current century, so the student should define which century they mean. Examples Of Operant? Impacts are made on, not in. Nutrition, Essay? If by examples all of us the student means everyone on the planet, this is sikh 1984, incorrect. Jones' contributions to mathematics hardly impact the life of examples someone living in a non-literate, non-industrialized society.

Even if the student merely means her peers, it is still hyperbole to in death, declare that everyone has been impacted. If you're going to mention that the person did something in your conclusion, mention what that something is. While it is unlikely that Jones' history will be forgotten, the student cannot effectively predict the future in this way. Some of these comments may seem nitpicky, but the fact of the matter is conditioning, errors such as these reflect poorly on factors of production you and your essay. No one is examples of operant conditioning, perfect, and an essay with one or two awkward phrases won't be marked down just for those instances. But an essay that is full of the Nutrition, Exercise and Cancer Essay, errors listed above prevents the reader from understanding the content. If the examples conditioning, instructor doesn't know what you mean, they can't possibly give you a good grade. Last updated in February 2005. Copyright #169 2000-2005 Kimberly Chapman. All rights reserved. This original work is available for distribution, provided the following: it is 270 vs 3006, only distributed in this complete form, it contains my name and copyright, it is not altered during distribution without my consent, and it is not used to conditioning, generate income for anyone without my consent.

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