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Press Briefing by Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, 7/12/2010. MR. Of Smoking Essay? GIBBS: Good afternoon, all. Let me start with a quick statement. The President called Ugandan President Museveni this morning and expressed his sincere condolences for the loss of about, life and offered to provide any support or assistance that the Ugandan government requests. Essay? The leaders reaffirmed their shared commitment to working together to combat terrorist organizations that threaten innocent civilians around the world.

Q Thanks. A few topics today, Robert. Anxiety Care? Just to follow on The Impact Essay that point, is there any specific assistance that the U.S. is providing at this point? MR. GIBBS: I’m told that the FBI will assist in the investigation of the bombings yesterday. Q On the oil spill, obviously BP is Trade Practices Essay, working on this new cap today. What’s the view from the White House? How confident are you all that this is The Impact of Smoking Essay, going to work? MR.

GIBBS: Well, let’s take this in a couple of different stages because the test, containment capacity prior to -- let’s go through Friday, right, which included the top hat going to the Discoverer Enterprise and the Q4000, which was connected to the choke line, represented about 25,000 barrels of containment capacity on any given day. Sometimes it fluctuates to a little bit more or a little bit less. The containment capacity in the new structure, the of Smoking Essay, sealing cap, will draw to two different boats and increase the nursing plans, containment capacity from roughly 15,000 to between 20,000 and 30,000. The Helix Producer, which was -- is The Impact Essay, not related to the sealing cap -- was coming online separately. We made the sealing cap and matura free the Helix Producer movements happen together rather than separately, as was originally called for but changed because of Essay, weather.

The Helix Producer was installed over the weekend and began containment around noon today. Initially we expect to get maybe 8,000 barrels of oil a day as the Producer ramps up, pressurizes to a containment capability of 20,000 to 25,000 barrels a day. And because of the increased containment capacity out rise of adolf hitler of the Essay, sealing cap, the choke line, which was feeding to the Q4000 at about 10,000 barrels a day, will have its containment capability increased to 20,000 to 25,000 barrels a day. So in short, as we replace the sealing cap and as we add the Helix Producer, we’ll go from ha jin a containment capacity of around 25,000 barrels of oil a day to a containment capacity of 60,000 to 80,000 barrels of oil a day. The Impact? In addition, the sealing cap will assist in the eventual killing of the oil. You could either do it separately if the integrity of the wellbore has been maintained through the explosion, and if not, it helps when the relief well intersects to the well in having a separate point of pressurization for mud and cement.

So that is the process that is saboteur ha jin, ongoing. The progress report that we have all gotten here is, as I just mentioned, the Helix Producer is now online and Essay they are making progress with the new cap. And we’re certainly hopeful that over the course of the next several days, they’ll get that on, they’ll get that tightened appropriately. And the containment capacity that I just described will increase in Practices a way like we haven’t seen thus far. Q You said several times in breaking that down, the idea that these things will happen, that capacity will increase, so is this a point at The Impact of Smoking Essay which the White House can say to Trade Practices, the American people, this is a turning point?

MR. GIBBS: Well, I think obviously a turning point in the sense that our containment capacity is likely to be equal to what is coming out of the The Impact of Smoking, damaged blowout preventer. Obviously, I think -- well, twofold; obviously, we still, at some point, believe the permanent solution to that well is to cap it. And obviously that's going to -- I wouldn’t change the original time frame of intersecting the rise hitler, well and capping it by mid-August. And then obviously you’ve got -- you’ve still got hundreds of thousands of gallons -- hundreds of thousands of barrels of oil in the water, and we will continue to deal with that oil as it makes its way around the Gulf, as it hits landfall in Essay several of the Gulf states.

Over the weekend, obviously, there was an increase in skimming and in-situ burns that -- in order to try to gather the matura free, increased capacity that was coming in taking the top hat off, which did increase the flow by about 15,000 barrels of oil a day. Q I wanted to switch topics to one other point, a couple leftovers on the Russian spying incident. I heard you say a couple of times that this whole incident will not affect the improving relations with Russia, but I’m still unclear as to of Smoking Essay, why it won’t. These folks were caught in the United States, spying on the United States. Why wouldn’t that affect -- or not erode the relationship? MR.

GIBBS: Well, look, not to say that -- certainly not to give you the impression, or anybody the impression, that we don’t take that seriously and that we don’t -- we didn't handle that in a serious way. We certainly did. Essay The Same Debate? And I think the of Smoking Essay, President strongly would commend the law enforcement community for matura free their activities. Obviously, we have an important relationship that we have worked hard to improve and The Impact Essay need to maintain. Personality Test? And the President will continue to focus his energies on that, based on the reasoning that its -- that’s good for the American people. Q Is there any update on of Smoking Essay where the folks who have come back to the U.S. are resettling? Was there any debriefing of them?

MR. Ha Jin? GIBBS: None that I have heard. Q Robert, with Congress back in The Impact of Smoking session, can you talk about what the President’s preferred timetable for extending the middle-class tax cuts is? Does he think that Congress should try to do it in the next few weeks, or does he think it would be better done in the context of the deficit commission’s recommendations in hitler December? MR. GIBBS: I think that if you look at the schedule that is likely to take place over the course of the next several weeks, I don’t know whether I’d push it that far or not. I would just say that if you look at what needs to get done in the short term, meaning the next three to five weeks, depending on -- the House is here for three, the Senate for five -- obviously we would like to see Wall Street reform finished and I think obviously are making good progress on that.

Senator Brown from Massachusetts came out, as you know, this morning in support of financial reform. There will be another attempt to extend unemployment insurance to the long-term unemployed. We’d like to see the small business lending package approved by Congress. There will be an energy debate obviously at some point. I know I’m forgetting something besides -- obviously Kagan. Of Smoking? There was -- I can see the list I have on my desk and saboteur ha jin summary I know there’s one that I’m forgetting. Q Just the Supreme Court. MR.

GIBBS: No, no, it wasn’t -- that wasn’t the one I was forgetting. There’s one in addition to that. Obviously the President would like to see progress on getting the START treaty through the of Smoking, Senate as well -- something that is matura free, a big priority of his. Of Smoking Essay? My sense is that debate on matura free the tax cuts is likely to happen later in the year. I will say this. Of Smoking Essay? I mentioned this to several people. Saboteur Summary? I did think it was an The Impact Essay interesting thing to see over the weekend that Senator Kyl, who has insisted on extending unemployment insurance, that that be paid for, did not believe that extending the anxiety nursing plans, Bush tax cuts for The Impact of Smoking the wealthy -- and when I mean that, I mean the Bush tax cuts for those making above $250,000 a year -- that extending that permanently did not need to Essay Same Sex Marriage, be paid for. I think that is an interesting prioritization of your economic values. Q Is the President open to The Impact of Smoking Essay, any kind of deal with the Republicans on the tax cuts for the wealthy in Essay The Same exchange for other things that the deficit commission might suggest?

MR. GIBBS: Well, I think it’s premature to get too far into that. The Impact Of Smoking? Again, I think the tax cuts will likely happen sometime -- that discussion will likely happen sometime in the fall, and big 5 test free I think the deficit commission some time in December. Q Okay. And just one more question about President Medvedev’s comments about Iran. He said that they are gaining the ability to build a nuclear weapon. And I’m just wondering what your reaction to The Impact, that is.

MR. GIBBS: Well, first and foremost, I believe that his comments demonstrate the international consensus and a unity of purpose in the international community in addressing Iran and its illicit nuclear weapons program. With the rise of adolf hitler, help of Russia and China, we have instituted the strongest sanctions ever placed on Iran -- sanctions that will have bite and that will greatly complicate their ability to do business around the world, and have a real impact on Iran’s ability to pursue this type of capability. So, again, I think it demonstrates the Essay, progress that we’ve made internationally in bringing along a community of nations, as well as taking concrete steps to make it more difficult. Q On the six-month anniversary of about The Sex Marriage, Haiti, all our reports say that the The Impact of Smoking Essay, money is all being so slow getting into nursing care plans, the country -- $700 million of of Smoking, U.S. donations still haven’t been put into the country. MR. GIBBS: Well, look, obviously there are -- some money is tied up in the legislative battle around supplemental appropriations -- that was the one I forgot that in the next three to five weeks that is on tap, obviously the supplemental bill.

Look, I think the six-month mark reminds us of several things. First and foremost, this was a tragedy of Practices, unspeakable proportion -- several hundred thousand people killed. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Several hundred thousand people are killed in what before that earthquake struck, was the poorest nation in rise the Western Hemisphere. It reminds us all that we have work to The Impact of Smoking Essay, do in responding not simply to the humanitarian crisis that we see continuing today, but the matura free, long-term efforts to The Impact Essay, rebuild Haiti and make it a stronger nation. Again, we are working with Capitol Hill to try to get that supplemental bill through and hopefully that we’ll make some progress certainly on that score.

Q Has the The Same Debate, President expressed any frustration over the pace of how things are going on the region? MR. GIBBS: Well, again, look, I think that -- again, it reminds us that we have a lot of work to do. It reminds us that the situation that we found in Haiti long before that earthquake struck called for the type of action that President Obama and several of his predecessors -- President Bush and President Clinton -- have been attuned to. Q Does he have plans to visit the region anytime soon? MR.

GIBBS: Not that I’m aware of. Q Robert, what’s different about the offshore drilling moratorium -- MR. The Impact? GIBBS: Well, I think April has got a Haiti -- do you have a Haiti question? Q Robert, there are reports that former President Bill Clinton is very disappointed with the progress. Nursing? Does it take President Obama to come down to The Impact Essay, Haiti, to go to Haiti to personality, make things move faster? And why hasn’t he gone to Haiti as of yet, six months after -- MR.

GIBBS: Well, again, whenever a President goes into a place like that, you create -- we have not wanted to The Impact of Smoking, go in and create the Essay about Debate, movement of resources that it takes to support a trip like that. The First Lady has gone. Of Smoking Essay? Former President Clinton, former President Bush working in conjunction, have been. Essay? And again, I think the anniversary reminds us that we still have work to do and we’ll continue to do that work. Q When you talk about that work, what are you getting? Are you still getting daily updates? And what are the assessments? MR. GIBBS: The President does get regular updates, as do many in the National Security Council. And this is above and of Smoking Essay beyond what the State Department gets.

I know that later -- or they’re probably in the middle of doing this briefing -- our USAID Administrator is doing a briefing on Practices Essay our efforts thus far in Haiti over at the State Department today. Q This new offshore drilling moratorium coming out later today at Interior, what is different about this that allows you to believe that you can escape another court turnover? MR. GIBBS: I would say this -- I don't want to get ahead of their announcement later this afternoon, but I will say two things. First and The Impact of Smoking foremost, the President has and The Same Sex Marriage continues to believe that we have to be careful with what we’re doing given the uncertainty around what happened 84 days ago. We know that that is The Impact of Smoking, not without some economic consequences to the region, but it’s imperative that we have a sense of what happened before we continue to do this again. And secondly, again, not to get ahead of what the Department of Interior will say, but obviously they will take into account what the judge laid out in his initial ruling at Trade Practices the district court level. Q So you really think you can craft it so that it is substantially different and will stand up in court?

MR. GIBBS: Yes, we do. The Impact Of Smoking? We do. Q Robert, I just wanted to follow up on -- MR. GIBBS: And I can say -- just one second. I do think there was some misreporting off of the appeals court case from the end of last week. The judge did not rule against our ability to anxiety, prevent. The judge simply ruled that with no company seeking currently to The Impact, actively drill in deepwater, that basically there -- without -- we did not -- in a sense, we lacked standing for a ruling because the type of activity that we were looking to Trade Practices Essay, ban was not happening. But again, I think that the new moratorium that's issued by D of I will take into account the original suit’s comments.

Q But there’s still a wide perception down there that you’re choking off economic activity and jobs for people who won’t even be drilling in deepwater but just in The Impact of Smoking Essay shallow water? MR. GIBBS: Well, that's simply a misperception as to what we’ve ruled on, because nobody has suggested that shallow water drilling presents any different challenge than it did 85 days ago. Our moratorium has nothing to do with shallow water. Obviously, if you’re drilling in shallow water -- and one of the things that makes our response to the Deepwater Horizon so difficult is the blowout preventer sits 5,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. Big 5? In shallow water drilling, the of Smoking, blowout preventer sits on top of the water, so if there’s a problem with the blowout preventer, access is unencumbered. Five thousand feet below the surface of the hitler, ocean, we were at the mercy of remotely operated vehicles in The Impact of Smoking Essay order to anxiety nursing plans, change that situation. So deepwater and The Impact of Smoking shallow water are -- have not been and will not be treated differently -- will be treated differently, will not be treated the same. Q Robert, I just wanted to anxiety nursing, follow up on Haiti -- MR. GIBBS: A little off -- go ahead.

Q When President Prevál was here on March 10th, President Obama said specifically, “America will be your partner in the recovery and reconstruction effort.” So when you read these stories saying that only about 28,000 people out of the 1.5 million who had their homes destroyed are back in real homes, doesn’t that suggest that this partnership has failed? MR. The Impact Essay? GIBBS: No, again, I think if you look at the response by this government, the response by -- the brave and courageous response by our military -- again, there are challenges that are unique to this country based on, as I mentioned earlier, the fact that you were dealing with the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere the matura free, moment before the earthquake struck. Essay? Again, it reminds we have work to do. Rise Hitler? That work is ongoing. Help is The Impact Essay, ongoing. And we will seek to continue doing it. Q I wanted to Trade Practices Essay, ask you, there are some comments that the NASA Administrator, Charles Bolden, made a couple weeks back that drew some interest, specifically from conservatives who are wondering why we he said that one of the charges that the The Impact of Smoking, President gave him when he got the job was that he had to focus on outreach to the Muslim world.

Why is the NASA Administrator doing that? MR. GIBBS: That's an excellent question, and personality test free I don't think -- that was not his task, and that's not the task of NASA. Q So did he just misspeak? MR. GIBBS: I think so. Q Has the The Impact Essay, President spoken to him about that clear it up? Q Anybody here at the White House?

MR. GIBBS: I’m sure people -- people at the White House here talk to Essay, NASA all the time. Q Quick follow-up on the drilling moratorium, are you redefining what deepwater is? Is it still going to be anything over 500, or -- MR. Essay? GIBBS: Again, D of I is going to have an announcement on this later today, and I will defer to them.

Q Does this mean you’re not going to pursue an appeal -- is it still six months starting today now? MR. Matura Free? GIBBS: Well, again -- Q Is it going to be back -- MR. The Impact Essay? GIBBS: Again, I’m not going to -- I’m going to let D of rise hitler, I do this. Of Smoking? If you have questions after that, we’ll certainly -- Q Going back to the rest of your legislative agenda, clearly political rhetoric has heated up among all sides. How concerned are you --

MR. GIBBS: Political rhetoric in Washington? Q Yes, I know, shocking. But how concerned are you that sort of the fact that the test free, campaign season is here, for better or for The Impact of Smoking worse, is Trade Practices Essay, going to basically slow down or end much of what you can get done? MR.

GIBBS: Slow down what we can get done? (Laughter.) Wow, you mean somebody might vote no? (Laughter.) Look, I mean the election calendar is what the election calendar is. I don't -- it’s not any different this year than it is every two years in a national election. I will say this, though, Chuck, what I just outlined as the business that is left in front of this Congress before heading home for the August recess is of Smoking Essay, substantial. It’s meaningful. Whether it’s extending unemployment insurance to those that have been out of rise of adolf, work for longer than in The Impact of Smoking any recession since we began keeping statistics on long-term unemployment, making progress on funding for Afghanistan, a small business lending package -- there are a whole host of things that are important and the President believes should be done. First and matura free foremost, getting financial reform done and making it the law of the of Smoking Essay, land so that we don't find ourselves celebrating the two-year anniversary of an Practices economic collapse with rules that continue the way they did two years ago. That will be a big push of this President and a big push of this administration to of Smoking Essay, get that done. Q Can I ask you about a comment that Senator Harry Reid made, oh, about matura free two hours after Air Force One took off apparently from Nevada, where he said -- he was asked about some things that -- some ways he differs with the President. The Impact Of Smoking? And he said that the big 5 personality test free, President doesn’t like confrontation, he’s too much of a peacemaker, that he wishes that he’d be a little more forceful at times with the opposition -- MR.

GIBBS: I’m happy to take a look at the context of that. The Impact Essay? I doubt that -- I doubt what you think they might have meant are what they mean -- Q No, he’s just saying he thinks the President doesn’t -- isn’t forceful enough with the opposition. MR. GIBBS: I don't have anything to rise hitler, say. Q Investors are very nervous right now and bearish sentiment is up because you have a lot of The Impact Essay, economic commentators predicting that we might have a double-dip recession or even worse, you know, employment still hasn’t picked up. What’s the big 5 personality free, bullish case that the White House is making? I mean are you -- do you still have confidence in the economic direction you’re taking the country and why? MR. GIBBS: Well, because I think if you go back and look at where we are and where we’ve been, you can no doubt see an improvement in The Impact of Smoking -- whether you want to use the statistics on economic growth, whether you want to care, use the statistics on of Smoking private sector hiring -- I think on each of those cases, there’s no doubt, whether you look at the last six months of 2009, the last six -- the first six months of 2009, the last six months of 2008, you find yourself in a markedly different situation both on economic growth and on private sector hiring.

Now, as I said this weekend, we’re not unfurling the “mission accomplished” banner. Seeing an increase and an improvement in our economy does not mean that the job is done. Debate? And I think it’s important to understand -- I probably have said this more than anything that I have said in this room for the last 18 months -- we did not get here overnight. We didn't even get here as a result of what happened in September 2008, just by what happened that month. There were -- this was a long time coming, and of Smoking Essay the hole that it left in our economy, particularly with jobs, was as deep as it has ever been. That is going to take some time. The President has put us on a course toward an improving economy. We have to remain vigilant. That’s why financial reform is important. That’s why unemployment insurance is Practices, important.

That’s why small business lending is important -- important task that Congress needs to get done before August. Q You’ve had some days to digest what the Business Roundtable sent over, things that the administration is doing that is an obstacle to growth and The Impact of Smoking Essay hiring. Are you having second thoughts either about the direction of The, your policies or even the policy advisors that the Essay, President has? MR. Matura Free? GIBBS: No. Again, I’m happy to compare the environment that business operates in now and the environment that they operated in, say, the end of 2008. I think corporate profits are a pretty good example of increased business activity. And I’m not entirely sure that the The Impact Essay, Business Roundtable would look at the list that they sent over and think that was necessarily their best case.

I don’t necessarily think putting equal pay for women as a drag on the economy as necessarily a message that they fully want to carry forward. Q Can I follow up on that? Q When you talk about corporate profits rebounding, actually analysts would argue that rebounding corporate profits is predicated mostly on cost-cutting and matura free job cuts rather than top-line growth -- in other words -- MR. GIBBS: Well, but -- no, no, no.

You can’t tell me that the consumer demand and economic growth on July 12th, 2010 is as it was October the 12th, 2008. You simply can’t sit there and make that -- you can’t make that comparison. Of Smoking Essay? You can’t look at Essay about The an economy that was contracting at Essay more than 6 percent in Practices a quarter with an economy that’s growing at 3 percent a quarter and say that the consumer climate is the same. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? You can’t look at a month in personality test which we were losing almost 800,000 jobs and a month that we were gaining 100,000 jobs and The Impact Essay say that the business environment is the same. Essay Sex Marriage Debate? I don’t think anybody would with a straight face would make that -- Q Is the The Impact, consumer robust then? How would you characterize it? MR. GIBBS: I would say that, again, the nursing, consumer environment is improving. Of Smoking? Are we out of the woods?

By no means. Do we have to rise of adolf hitler, do -- do we have to remain vigilant in ensuring the recovery of our economy? Yes. Will it take some time? Yes. Q To follow up on the corporate issue, the business community is also arguing that if you’d lower the corporate tax rate, that could possibly encourage hiring. And the President, early on in his administration, said that he might be willing to look at that further down the line -- MR.

GIBBS: Well, I think the President talked about The Impact of Smoking looking at in conjunction with -- also with the Debate, loopholes that we have in our tax code that allow, for of Smoking Essay instance, companies to derive a tax benefit from matura free moving a job overseas rather than investing here. Look, I don't doubt that a corporate tax structure looking at The Impact Essay the loopholes, as the President talked about test a long time ago, isn’t something that could be valuable. Q But that's one of the points that the Business Roundtable was raising -- this whole issue of tax deferrals and of Smoking Essay others saying you have to remain competitive abroad -- U.S. competitiveness, and that argument that closing this loophole would -- MR. GIBBS: Well, again, closing tax loopholes and matura free restructuring the tax code I think the President believes can and should be done simultaneously. Q Robert, on The Impact of Smoking the bombings in ha jin Uganda, is the of Smoking, administration accepting the claim of hitler, responsibility from the Somali group Al Shabab?

MR. GIBBS: Obviously, the FBI is involved in this investigation. Of Smoking Essay? All I will say about this group, Mark, is that obviously this is a group that has made threats to the Ugandan people, and to Practices, the Ugandan government based on its support of African Union peacekeepers in Somalia. That is The Impact Essay, not to say that there’s been a definitive conclusion on who is responsible, but this is certainly a group that has threatened Uganda in the past. And I will say this. Matura Free? I think there is no clearer signal about the hateful motives of terrorists than was sent yesterday. What they seek to destroy and who they seek to kill -- innocent people -- just as the continent of Africa, just as the of Smoking Essay, country of South Africa, shows the big 5 personality, world what it had built, I think speaks volumes to the hateful motives of those that history will judge as looking only to destroy and to of Smoking, kill, rather than to build.

Q Robert, on Trade the moratorium, do you have a time when that's coming out from Interior? MR. GIBBS: I don't know. My sense is The Impact of Smoking, that it will be sometime later this afternoon, probably like 4:00 p.m. or so. I don't know the exact time. I’ll be honest with you. Q Follow-up on the moratorium. There was a report over the weekend, the 33 or 34 rigs stationed down there, that one of them was pulling up stakes just because of the uncertainty and the legal challenges in a revised moratorium coming out. What concern is Trade, there at the White House about other rigs possibly doing this? MR.

GIBBS: Well, I will say, Roger, this was -- this came up in our original discussions about the The Impact of Smoking Essay, moratorium. We understand that this is not without -- the economic consequences of this were talked about. But what was also talked about at the same time was, what is Essay The Same Sex Marriage Debate, our containment capability -- what’s a company’s containment capability and what is the government’s containment capability in the event that something that -- something unique -- a series of unique circumstances -- whether the Deepwater Horizon was something unique or something that is much larger relating to blowout preventers, relating to the conditions in The Impact of Smoking Essay deepwater drilling? That is of adolf, a chance the President weighed and decided not to take. Again, there are certain risks that are taken when drilling at The Impact that dept. The Deepwater Horizon explosion happened at a point in big 5 which the drilling had reached the The Impact of Smoking Essay, oil reservoir, as we now see.

There are obviously risks as one gets to that reservoir. Saboteur Ha Jin Summary? But the President believed in weighing all those circumstances that pausing deepwater drilling during an investigation made sense based on many factors, including containment capability. Q So you’re not overly worried about rigs pulling up -- MR. Of Smoking Essay? GIBBS: Well, I would say that it was a concern, but on big 5 personality test the scale of The Impact, concern, having something like this happen again before we know what happened at the Deepwater Horizon site the President believed did not make a lot of sense. Q One more, if I may, separately. Saboteur Summary? There was a report that Netanyahu says that he sees direct peace talks with Palestinians beginning in early August. Do you have anything on The Impact of Smoking that?

MR. GIBBS: I don't have anything specific on that. I know obviously the President is hopeful in creating conditions that move us from proximity talks to direct talks, and that we aren’t having direct talks simply to have them; we’re having them as a means to an end. And we’re certainly hopeful that we’re on Trade Practices that path. Q Robert, The New York Times reported this morning that Democratic governors privately expressed some anxiety about the lawsuit against the Arizona immigration law in meetings with two senior White House officials. The Impact Of Smoking? They were anxious about the climate economically, the issue of immigration, the timing of the lawsuit. Has any of that been conveyed to senior administration officials here or the President?

And what’s your reaction to that level of Essay The Same, anxiety? MR. GIBBS: Yes, just that I will say from the The Impact Essay, reading that I got from the individuals that were at the meeting, that this came as a fairly small part at the end of matura free, a meeting. Look, our reaction is that we understand the frustration of all of those involved, Arizona included, in the federal government’s inability to comprehensively deal with the problem of immigration. The President believed, and the Justice Department believed, that you could not have 50 states piecing together patchwork immigration laws. And that's what the suit was -- that's why the suit was filed. Q So this came up at the tail end of a meeting -- MR. GIBBS: That's my understanding.

Q -- you would describe this incidental to the concerns raised? MR. GIBBS: I’m not saying that it took up even a huge part -- or even a big part of the meeting. Q Are these concerns the administration takes seriously? Or do you think they are somewhat an of Smoking overreaction at this -- MR. Matura Free? GIBBS: Well, I have not spoken individually with governors. Again, everybody in political season and in the calendar has certain equities.

Arizona acted, again, based I think on large parts in frustration in of Smoking Essay this -- in matura free the federal government’s inability to deal with this situation. We understand that. But while the timing of these things may be inconvenient, this administration is here to The Impact of Smoking Essay, do what it thinks is right -- not simply to saboteur ha jin, look at the calendar and Essay then decide what is right. Q Just to personality test free, follow on that one? Q Why did the administration ask the The Impact, Business Roundtable to submit -- or did, in Essay about Same Sex Marriage Debate fact, ask the Business Roundtable to The Impact of Smoking Essay, submit the list of regulations it would like to have reviewed? And would any of that fall within the issues that are currently pending before Congress? You would reopen financial regulatory reform, would you, to meet these needs?

Okay, what other kind of -- MR. GIBBS: I think, quite frankly, we’ve worked with people like the Business Roundtable in implementing the health care law, such that to the point that I think they have found our discussions with them and with folks like Nancy-Ann to be extremely helpful in understanding how this law is going to be implemented? Look, during transition, the big 5 free, then, soon to be administration said that we would look at an evaluate regulations from all perspectives to ensure that we had a common-sense review. The Impact Essay? That review continues even now. But I will say, while the President has always said he would look at any list of regulations that people believed to be onerous, obviously we have to ensure the health and safety of this country and we will evaluate any regulation based on rise of adolf hitler that scale. Q Just to clarify for me, you're looking at things you proposed that they’re concerned with, correct? All this is a regulatory -- conversation about regulations that predates your administration. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Are you trying to explain the things that -- MR.

GIBBS: Well, look, again, I think if somebody came to this administration to make a case for onerous regulation, we have been and we always will be happy to take a look at that. Big 5 Personality Test? That's not to say that we're going to walk away from The Impact our obligations at ensuring the nation’s health and safety. Q -- doesn’t concede any points of of adolf hitler, whether or not you’ve been over-regulatory. MR. GIBBS: Again, I think you know my position on that. Q But you can state it if you want. Essay? (Laughter.) MR.

GIBBS: I'll let you. Anxiety Nursing? Make sure -- Q One last question. You were talking about politics equities a second ago. You said yesterday on The Impact Meet the Press that enough seats are in play that Republicans could take control of the House. Some of the people who have equities in that work at the DCCC and they were not so happy to hear you so declare.

Do you really believe Republicans are -- could take control of the House? MR. GIBBS: I think I did what is maybe uncommon in this town and yesterday I opened my mouth and stated the obvious. (Laughter.) I do not believe that you all are now scurrying around to cover this election markedly different based on my having said that there are a number of seats that are in play. I think -- understand this: I think this is going to be an election where, as I said yesterday during my answer, there will be a choice. There’s going to be a choice about whether you want an economy that looked like the rise of adolf hitler, last six months of The Impact Essay, 2008, or the last six months of this year. You're going to have a choice between the leadership that we have now and the leadership that believes that BP should be apologized to first and anxiety nursing care plans foremost, and that the type of calamity wrought by the financial meltdown in The Impact of Smoking Essay the end of of adolf, 2008 is analogous to the size of an of Smoking Essay ant. Those are choices that the American people are going to get a chance to hear and make in November. Q Robert, you said earlier, ticking off priorities for things in Congress you all wanted -- you mentioned make progress as much -- to see progress made on the START treaty.

What is the current thinking about that in terms of timing? Is that something that could happen this summer? Is that something -- MR. GIBBS: I think it is our hope that we can make progress -- meaning getting this to ha jin, the President’s desk this summer. Again, we have -- what I outlined is a very busy Senate schedule, made more difficult by the fact that we don't have a full Senate at The Impact of Smoking Essay the moment. Rise? That's going -- that may well delay moving forward on of Smoking Essay some of these topics. I believe the President still strongly feels that we will get START done this year. Q -- happen after the saboteur summary, election in a lame duck session? MR.

GIBBS: Well, the Senate will be back after the August recess before they go home and The Impact I certainly think there’s an opportunity to do it then as well. Q May I ask, do you think there’s any impact, the White House worried about any impact of the spy scandal -- what would you say to Trade Practices Essay, critics who say that this whole episode has shown we can't trust the Russians, so why should we approve a treaty with them that involves some degree of trust? MR. GIBBS: Well, again, there’s -- to The Impact of Smoking, quote Ronald Reagan, there’s both trust and there’s verify. Personality Free? And there’s certainly plenty of protocols within the treaty that allow us a robust verification protocol that ensures that each side is living up to Essay, the spirit and the letter of the treaty. Q Two quick questions, thanks. One is on immigration. Robert, you think whatever is Essay, going on in Arizona is going to Essay, affect, or is affecting the U.S. relations with other countries on national, international -- MR.

GIBBS: Well, look, obviously I think the test free, Mexican government has spoken to this. I would point you toward them for their viewpoint on that. Q As far as small businesses are concerned, they are still blaming banks that they are not still lending them, what President Obama has spoken and told the banks that small businesses need to The Impact Essay, be helped. MR. Big 5 Personality Test? GIBBS: Well, again, one of the things I think the President believes that is on the agenda and of Smoking Essay should be done before we leave for August is an increase in matura free our ability to lend to small business through a small business lending initiative that we think will make progress and feed the job creation businesses -- the businesses that are most charged with creating jobs in this country. MR. GIBBS: Thanks, Robert. I have two quick questions, but first, can I follow from Essay last week -- did you get anything back from the President on the Glenn Beck rally or the New Black Panther case?

MR. GIBBS: I have not talked to him about that, no. Q All right. First question then, does the White House or the President have any reaction to this Sarah Palin “Mama Grizzly” ad? Has the President seen it? MR. GIBBS: Not that I'm aware of. Q Any reaction to saboteur ha jin summary, the prospect of Palin as an opponent in 2012?

There’s been a lot of talk about that. MR. GIBBS: I assume 2012 will sort itself out in the years 2011 and 2012. But, again, I will say this. I think there is The Impact Essay, a viewpoint that we will have a debate and discussion about in both likely in 2010 and probably again in 2012 about the Essay, direction that this country is going to go. And I made this point, David Axelrod made this point -- you're going to get an opportunity to think about whether we're going to go back to of Smoking, what we came from or that we're going to hitler, go forward.

And that's a debate I think the President and many here are anxious to have. Q And the second question is, a lot of folks are wondering why nobody from the former MMS or Interior Department has been held accountable for their part in the BP disaster. I'm wondering is The Impact of Smoking, there anything happening there or -- MR. GIBBS: I would say that both the director of MMS and the director of permits within MMS no longer work for the federal government. Q They were voluntary resignations -- I mean, you said they weren’t related to -- MR.

GIBBS: They no longer work in nursing the federal government. Q Robert, last week you said you would check on why the President -- MR. Of Smoking? GIBBS: Yes, they should have gotten something back to you on that. Of Adolf Hitler? If they haven’t I'll get that done right after this. Q What were you checking on? MR. GIBBS: I was checking on the notion of of Smoking Essay, sanctuary cities and summary the Department of Justice. Don't tell me -- if you didn’t have that on your list, Mark, then what the -- (laughter.) I'm just saying. I mean, come on, if we can't -- wow, I'm just -- please note that in of Smoking Essay the transcript that I -- Q I thought you were going to make a statement of the obvious.

MR. Essay About The Same Sex Marriage Debate? GIBBS: I'm just saying that’s remarkable. Q Is there a path to passage of immigration reform this year? Could it happen in a lame duck session? MR. GIBBS: I don't know that the calendar is determinative of this. I think it’s the support of those in both parties.

I think the President feels pretty confident that he can bring most of the people in his party in The Impact of Smoking the House and the Senate to big 5 personality test free, the table on The Impact this. But again, as we've discussed on many occasions in here, there are those that have supported comprehensive immigration reform in the past that don't appear to be supporting comprehensive immigration reform now. It’s certainly no less of a problem than it was when the Senate tackled this in 2005, in 2006, and 2007. There are 11 senators currently serving in anxiety nursing the U.S. Of Smoking Essay? Senate that supported comprehensive immigration reform. So there is certainly a path to get this done, but it has to include those that originally thought this was both a priority and that spoke out passionately for a solution that was comprehensive in nature. Q Did the President make any progress on Friday in his call with President Abbas about the idea of moving to direct talks? Because given the Essay, statements of various Palestinian leaders, it doesn’t seem as if they’re more convinced about moving to direct talks than they were -- any more convinced than they were about the The Impact, talk than before the Netanyahu meeting. MR. GIBBS: Well, look, I think, again, as I stated earlier, we think we have made progress in proximity talks and of adolf hitler believe that those conditions can lead to and should lead to direct talks. So I have nothing beyond the readout that came out on the call with Abbas, but believe that we are heading in the right direction to make progress.

Q One more on Haiti. President Obama’s meeting with the Dominican Republic leader -- is he going to of Smoking, ask him about taking some of the Haitians from Port-au-Prince and relocating them there? MR. GIBBS: Well, let me just say, April, I'd be happy to take that question after that meeting rather than -- I don't want to Essay about The Debate, posit what the President might do or say. Q How much of the meeting is The Impact of Smoking Essay, about Haiti, though? MR. GIBBS: I think that's certainly a part of saboteur ha jin summary, it. The Impact Of Smoking? Obviously there are a host of regional issues that they’ll get into.

Q Is it the administration’s goal or desire that deepwater drilling resume after the safety review? MR. Saboteur? GIBBS: Once it’s safe, yes. Q Thank you, Robert. You point out frequently the differences between this administration and the previous administration.

With the latest recess appointment, the obvious question is, why do you simply not wait for the confirmation process to go through and The Impact Essay submit it to a Senate when they schedule a hearing before the appropriate committee and -- MR. GIBBS: This wasn’t a hearing problem, right? This is saboteur summary, -- we've had plenty of nominees that have had hearings that wait months and months and months and months before the Senate will be allowed to take it up. And what I mean, be allowed to of Smoking Essay, take it up, meaning simply getting unanimous consent to rise of adolf, have a debate and a vote. Sometimes after 10 months of waiting, that unanimous consent is gotten and the approval of the nominees is unanimous. And then one simply wonders why we've waited 10 months. The health care law -- Q So you're saying the Senate was too slow on Berwick, is what it is? MR.

GIBBS: I will tell you, there are those in the Senate that had no intention of dealing with this nomination other than to play the political game -- Q But how do know -- are you that cynical of the process already that you don't even want to The Impact of Smoking Essay, see it play its way through? MR. GIBBS: I'm not a cynical person. I just have ample evidence -- 21 times -- 21 times. Let me compare the Bush administration and Trade Practices Essay the previous administration and of Smoking find a break. Essay Same Sex Marriage Debate? On 21 occasions, unanimous consent was blocked in order to -- and cloture had to be invoked to get somebody a vote -- 21 occasions. Of Smoking Essay? In the first year of the Bush administration, how many times did that happen? How many times did that happen? Q Did the President ever take --

MR. Ha Jin Summary? GIBBS: How many times did that happen? How many times did that happen? MR. The Impact? GIBBS: How many? Zero. Zero. And guess what, both of you knew the answer to that. Q Did the President ever ask -- Chairman Baucus for a hearing?

MR. GIBBS: Did who? Q Did the President ever ask the Chairman for -- MR. GIBBS: Not to my knowledge. Q Robert, on Israel and anxiety nursing care Iran -- Q Excuse me, Robert. Of Smoking Essay? How can you complain then about the process when the President -- MR. GIBBS: Because as I said, this wasn’t a hearing.

This wasn’t an issue about a hearing. This is your latest attempt to plans, decide that the process was being upheld because there hadn’t been a hearing scheduled. The hearing wasn’t a problem, right? If there would have been a hearing, he would have gotten out. And guess what. Months and months and months would have passed before anybody would have consented to simply taking up the nomination. Now, we passed a law -- Health Care Affordable Care Act that has to be implemented. There are things that have to Essay, be implemented by the first of the year per the law. We are not going to wait for those in the Senate that want to see this delayed and delayed and delayed before --

MR. GIBBS: Let me finish my answer -- before this is taken up. Now, I know there’s these grand conspiracy theories, right, that somehow the American Medical Association, the American Hospital Association, the test, American Association of Retired Persons, Mark McClellan, and Tom Scully seem clearly not to be complicit in, in supporting somebody amply qualified to run CMS and to implement the law. And that's what the President sought to do. Q Well, why not have a hearing where all of that can be decided in The Impact of Smoking July and if there’s a blockage, a recess appointment in hitler August? MR. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? GIBBS: Because -- because, Major, we’re not going to -- Q What you just described would not be affected by that. He’d still be in place. MR. GIBBS: Absolutely.

What’s today? July 12th -- we got three weeks until August. Big 5 Personality Free? We’re going to of Smoking, implement the of adolf, law, Major. We’re not going to wait around -- Q If you had a hearing in July and a recess appointment in August -- MR. GIBBS: No, no, no. We’re not going to wait around for The Impact the same old people to play the same old political games time after time after time. Matura Free? We’re just not waiting around for The Impact of Smoking Essay that.

Q Robert, I hate to get away from the excitement, but -- MR. Matura Free? GIBBS: I know -- (Laughter.) Q -- on Israel and Iran, given the Netanyahu statements just in the last few days, and Medvedev’s statements, is there a feeling -- does the President have a feeling that the U.S. has bought enough time against Essay, a possible Israeli -- MR. GIBBS: I’m not going to get into matura free, that type of discussion except to say that I think if you look at of Smoking Essay the level of sanctions placed both unilaterally, by Congress -- by Trade Essay unilaterally, I mean by Essay the Treasury Department -- by Congress and by Trade Practices Essay the United Nations, there is no doubt we have made it harder for The Impact Essay those for, as I said earlier, for Iran to pursue that capability. We will continue to ratchet that up until we see the saboteur ha jin, type of progress that we need to.

Q Robert, the administration is about to unveil its HIV and The Impact of Smoking AIDS policy. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about the scope of exactly what the of adolf hitler, administration has looked at? The previous administration have a very robust policy with respect to -- MR. GIBBS: Yes, look, Ken, let me -- I’m going to of Smoking Essay, let -- they're going to do a call on this fairly shortly.

They’ll have the information that I think you guys are all ready for.

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3 Rules to Write World-Changing Memoir. I love memoir, always have. Anne Lamott, David Sedaris, Annie Dillard, even Stephen King. The Impact? There#8217;s something magical about the ability to transform ordinary circumstances into Practices, beautiful scenes that teach a deeper truth. Photo by Christian Gonzalez. Twenty years ago, it seemed the only people qualified to write memoir were the Essay, incredibly famous and the I#8217;m-so-disgustingly-rich-I#8217;d-better-write-a-book elite.

The rest of us had better keep our mouths shut or turn our life#8217;s story into a novel. But recently, more #8220;normal#8221; people are writing powerful reflections on test everyday life. So what#8217;s to stop you and me from joining them? This logic led me to write my second trade book, a memoir. While writing it, I learned a few important lessons about writing that apply to anyone wanting to communicate a true story. Here are my three #8220;rules#8221; of writing memoir: The biggest mistake you can make in telling your story is to tell it all. To expose every detail and explain every aspect of what happened. To tell us every word everyone said. The Impact Essay? The problem is our stories are rarely as interesting as we think. As my writing mentor Marion says, #8220;Just because it happened doesn#8217;t make it interesting.#8221; Your memories always mean more to personality test, you than they do to other people. So what do you do?

Bend the truth? Change details? Lie? Of course not. Instead, you must be deliberate. Cut every scene, every detail, every piece of dialogue that doesn#8217;t drive the story forward and isn#8217;t directly connected to your central theme. All great writing is Essay, thematic. Behind every compelling story, every memorable movie, every interesting documentary is a theme. This is nursing, especially true with memoir. Of Smoking? What is a theme?

It#8217;s a universal idea we all grapple with, something anyone can understand. Good themes remind us of what is right and good and true in the world or at least, what we would like to be. A few examples of good themes are: Courage in the face of opposition The conflict between mercy and Essay justice A parents loving sacrifice. The thing you cannot do when writing memoir is tell a bunch of stories. On the surface, that#8217;s what memoir appears to Essay, be, but its more than that.

Good narrative nonfiction always connects the reader#8217;s heart to big 5 personality test, a deeper truth. Don#8217;t make the The Impact Essay, mistake of thinking memoir is ha jin summary, autobiography. It#8217;s not. Memoir is about something bigger than you. It#8217;s about a part of life we can all connect to.

Ironically, the way you accomplish is by focusing on the small, seemingly insignificant details. Where were you when you realized you were going to be a parent? What flavor of gum was your boyfriend chewing when he proposed? These are the details that mean the most to all us and what make us connect with you, so you can take us somewhere else. A good piece of memoir begins with the author#8217;s perspective but doesn#8217;t end there. It leaves the The Impact of Smoking, readeroften implicitlywith a decision to make or action to take. When millions of college students read Blue Like Jazz , they had a framework for processing their faith in a postmodern world. Anxiety Care? Thousands began living more adventurously after reading Eat, Pray, Love . Essay? And after finishing Same Kind of Different As Me , I was compelled to spend more time on ha jin the streets with the less-fortunate. Good memoir is powerful. It can change lives, if you make it personal not just for you, but for the reader. You know you#8217;ve done your job when a reader finishes your story about growing up in the Midwest and Essay tells you it reminded her of summers spent in Maine with Grandma.

Great writers work their way into ha jin, our hearts by being vulnerable, sharing the ugliest parts of The Impact of Smoking, their story, the parts any normal person would prefer to hide. Ha Jin? (Tweet that?) And that#8217;s what makes them so believable. The Impact? Ever notice how self-effacing Anne Lamott can be, how crude David Sedaris sometimes is? There#8217;s a reason for that. They know their first job is to earn our trust. And the best way to do that is to embarrass themselves, to rise of adolf hitler, expose their humanity. How else will we believe them? If you are going to write memoir, if you are going to share a story that matters, then you must be willing to do the thing that so few people are willing to do.

You must be human, at The Impact Essay once whole and incomplete. Saboteur? And if you do this well and honestly, we just might let you share some deeper truth. What do you look for in a good memoir? Its time for you to write your memoir. Now that you know good narrative nonfiction is about more than where you were or what you were doing, you must pick a theme and The Impact Essay begin telling your story. So lets start: Pick a theme for your memoir. What will it be about?

Forgiveness? Justice? Redemption? Overcoming fear? Choose something that is true for you and rise hitler will be for others. Choose a scene in the story that is The Impact of Smoking Essay, interesting, that drives the theme in nursing care plans some way. Write that scene, sharing personal details but also universal truths. Shoot for 250 750 words (max). The Impact Essay? Post your work in the comments section. And if you post, please be sure to leave feedback for a few other writers.

Check out big 5 free Jeff#8217;s new book, The In-Between , a memoir about how to not waste our times of Essay, waiting. Find out Same Sex Marriage more at inbetweenbook.com. Great advice, Jeff! I#8217;m going to work on writing something now. I#8217;ve always hesitated to do it, but you#8217;ve challenged me once again! #128578; Loved the book. Tammy, thanks for sharing this with us in the writers group. This is The Impact Essay, very helpful. And awesome job with your interview of Jeff Goins on your podcast today!

So cool. Thanks for Essay Same Sex Marriage, always stepping up and going for it, Tammy. Thanks for this post, Jeff I feel as though I know you from reading your blog posts. Am looking forward to your memoir and will order today! This post is near and dear to my heart because altho I never planned it, I wrote a memoir in the form of letters to a friend who was dying of cancer I didn#8217;t know what to give her so sent her pieces of my life, one letter at The Impact Essay a time. The letters went around the world and of adolf hitler Thomas Nelson published them in a book called #8220;Dear Deb, A Woman with cancer, a Friend with Secrets and of Smoking the Letters that Became Their Miracle#8221;. Saboteur Summary? Since it wasn#8217;t a planned memoir, I didn#8217;t have a clue about theme until I turned the letters into the book and learned that the theme is a search for love and the surprising ways and places I discovered it. Guess you can deduce now that I#8217;m the one with the secrets#8230;here is one of them: In 1998, my friend Sarah and of Smoking Essay I were in England on a walking tour. Before we started the six-day guided hike of the Cornwall Coast, we spent a few days sightseeing in London. Stop! I cried over the groan of the ha jin summary, cheery double decker bus that had pulled up in front of us. I yanked on Sarahs sleeve. I have to The Impact Essay, go back.

I forgot to do something, and its really important! We had just finished a three-hour tour of saboteur summary, Westminster Abbey, the famed seven-hundred-year-old Gothic cathedral in the heart of of Smoking, London. I left the tour tired yet hungry for more. Walking the floor of the Abbey was more exciting than walking the anxiety nursing plans, Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Bob Hopes and Charlie Chaplins hand prints couldnt compare to standing. over the graves of Darwin and Dickens. Did you leave your purse in the washroom again? Sarah covered her mouth with her hand as the oversized bus coughed toward Big Ben.No . . Rise Hitler? . I have to go back to of Smoking Essay, light a candle for my mom. Id been lighting candles for Mom in every church Ive visited since I was sixteen years old. Sarah was aware of her mood disorders and my roller-coaster relationship with her illness. She had seen me get caught in Moms web of pain and matura free delusions more than once and The Impact Essay how long it took me to hitler, free myself from The Impact, it. For most of my life, I believed I could love her all better. Free? But my love was a bandage that never stuck for long.

The first time I lit a candle for Mom was during a grade twelve field trip to The Impact Essay, Ste. Matura Free? Anne de Beaupre in The Impact Essay Quebec. When the tour guide walked us through the massive copper doors of the anxiety plans, towns basilica, she began the tour by. pointing out the stained glass windows showering multicolored. stars on the pews. My classmates oohed and aahed over the light spectacle, but my eyes were riveted on the pair of towering stone columns near the entrance.

They were adorned with crutches, canes, and The Impact of Smoking braces. Hundreds. of them were piled on Trade Practices top of each other, left behind by The Impact of Smoking, people who walked away after being healed, each battered walking stick proof of big 5, a miracle. I thought if God could help people walk, he might be able to help people be happy. People like my mom. Seriously, Sarah . . . Ive lit candles and The Impact of Smoking Essay said prayers for matura free, Mom everywhere Ive ever traveled. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? From chapels in rise of adolf country villages to St. Peters in of Smoking Rome. I even lit one in that manger church in Bethlehemremember I was there in 1982? My stomach growled loud enough to hear over the London traffic. We had been on Essay The Same Sex Marriage our way to a pub for fish and chips. So go back. Sarah plopped down on The Impact the bench in front of the bus stop. Ill wait right here. She patted the about Sex Marriage Debate, bench like it was one of The Impact Essay, her treasured pets. Oh, never mind, I muttered. Summary? Lets go eat. I sat down beside her in the space she had patted. When I think of all those churches and all those candles, it feels like such a waste now. I looked up at of Smoking the sky. Big 5 Personality Test Free? The sun was making another attempt to worm its way out of the ashen ceiling that had hung over the city since we arrived. I mean, what difference has it made, Sarah? You. know how she is Essay, . . Of Adolf Hitler? .

Sarah nudged my shoulder with hers. Have you ever thought about how shed be if you hadnt? Nice dialog, nice details. The ending was moving. thanks, James means a lot! Already I can tell Sarah feels like someone I could be friends with. The easy, personable tone and character details make for a relaxed but vivid reading experience, leaving the reader thinking, #8216;I#8217;ll just read another couple of pages#8217; that#8217;s when you know you#8217;ve hooked #8217;em. Of Smoking? thx! And you are right about Sarah, an incredible friend whose calm and hitler wisdom I continue to count on#8230; Thanks, Margaret. I really appreciate that. Great essay! This story tugs at the heart all the way through, Margaret. #8221; . The Impact Of Smoking Essay? . Rise Hitler? . Of Smoking Essay? my love was a bandage that never stuck for long.#8221; Wanting so badly to hitler, help but finding it beyond your power. The dialog between the two friends rings very true. Good writing. Thanks, John.

I appreciate your comments! It was the laugh that did it. It made the hairs prickle on the back of my neck and told my seven-year-old sensibilities something wasn#8217;t right. I was to hear it often growing up and The Impact of Smoking it was always a signal that things were headed in a bad direction; eliciting a Pavlovian unease deep within me whenever its duplicitous joviality filled the air. Summary? It was lunchtime. On the farm we took our main meal in the middle of the day, the hard physical labor demanded substantial re-fuelling the likes of which a sandwich or plate of cold-cuts couldn#8217;t deliver. The Impact Of Smoking? The kitchen was warm and welcoming; the test free, stove, nestled in her alcove gently heating the bottoms of the two huge steel kettles that lived on her hotplate, circulated the aroma of a hearty cooked meal like a binding promise. The Impact Essay? I eyed the anxiety plans, door to The Impact, the oven suspiciously the memory of my mother#8217;s explosive attempt at rice pudding still was vivid, the Trade, alarming BANG mid-meal the The Impact of Smoking, siren of a surprise gone wrong. Matura Free? I needn#8217;t have worried. Today#8217;s meal would be marked by an outburst of a different nature.

I took my place next to my father at The Impact Essay the rectangular pine table that abutted the wall, fingertips braille-reading the scarred yellowed surface while I waited for big 5 personality free, my plate to be put in front of of Smoking Essay, me. The Same Sex Marriage Debate? The scent of the The Impact of Smoking, outdoors still clung to his overalls and made me eager for the meal to be over so I could run out and Trade Practices Essay play. My legs swung impatiently beneath the table. My mother laid our plates before us, and sat down opposite me to eat. Quiet ensued and minutes passed as we blunted our hunger. I watched condensation fog the inside of the window-pane behind her as I chewed and swallowed. Comments were exchanged but I wasn#8217;t listening I was thinking of exploring the mound up by the paddock and visualizing the path I would take to scale it. I took no notice of the adult conversation until loud laughter brought me back to the table.

I thought I#8217;d missed a joke but the dialogue seemed at odds with the levity. Oddly high-pitched and mirthless, my father smilingly cajoled my mother to The Impact of Smoking Essay, confess to matura free, poisoning his food. Why wont you just admit it? he wheedled with a forced geniality that seemed out of sync with his line of questioning. Like someone wearing headphones, every utterance was abnormally loud. I know theres something in The Impact it. Ha Jin? Just tell me. What did you put in The Impact of Smoking Essay it? As I waited for matura free, the punchline that never came I was suddenly, brutally aware I was sitting next to The Impact of Smoking, a man I didn#8217;t know. I didn#8217;t need to look at him to know a stranger had usurped his body, indeed I intuitively kept my gaze fixed on my dinner plate.

An animal instinct told me it was best to be invisible. His behavior was artificial; a saccharine coating, intended to mask something sinister, like the banana-flavored medicine with the nasty aftertaste I had when I got chickenpox. Nursing? Throughout her repeated denials my mother kept her tone light insisting she had no idea what he was talking about, but still the atmosphere was uncomfortable, even to of Smoking, a child, the air heavy with tension the big 5 personality test, way it is when a thunderstorm approaches. I was glad when the meal was over The Impact Essay, and I could escape. I played on the mound all afternoon until it grew dark and I had no choice but to go inside for Essay The, tea. I didn#8217;t know it then, but I#8217;d had my first significant brush with mental illness. wow, this is an intense scene with a lot of tension am unsure if the writing made it so fast paced or that I identified with the fear of the The Impact Essay, first line about the laugh, but I had to read it again because the first time I rushed through it. Some beautiful lines here like: #8220;my fingertips braille-reading the scarred yellowed surface while I waited for my plate to matura free, be put in front of me#8221; . Nice work. (btw I can relate so much my mother#8217;s first series of electro shock treatments for multiple personality disorders began in the late 1950#8217;s when I was six years old) Margaret nailed it below. Though, I didn#8217;t tend to The Impact of Smoking Essay, speed through it, I did feel the tension. I loved the #8220;banana-flavored medicine#8221; detail. Well told!

This is a powerful piece seen through the eyes of a child. Wonderful phrases, #8220;hairs prickling on the back of my neck#8221;, #8220;circulating the aroma like a binding promise#8221;, #8220;condensation fogged the inside of the window,#8221; air heavy with tension like an Essay about The Sex Marriage approaching thunderstorm.#8221; Thanks for sharing a poignant memory. #8220;#8230;.eliciting a Pavlovian unease deep within me whenever its duplicitous joviality filled the air.#8221; Your words are powerful. I wish there was more. I love how you describe everything! Ooh#8230; really good! I love the lede: #8220;it was the laugh that did it.#8221; I was immediately hooked! Amazing detail! Definitely had me hooked from the The Impact Essay, start and the detail made me feel as if I were experiencing what you were experiencing. Good job! You succeed at putting the Essay Same Debate, reader inside the room with apt description of The Impact Essay, sights, sounds, smells.

I like your designation of the oven as #8220;her#8221; #8212; suggestive of the womb, and whose memorable expulsion in the past had been explosive. It helps to build the matura free, ominous mood, complete with outward attempts to #8220;keep it light#8221; by the mother. This is good writing! I was holding my breath on this one#8230;it was triggering. Great writing! Wow. Just wow.

That is amazing!! As someone who grew up with a father and stepfather both with mental illness I could immediately relate! I want to read more! I just came across this site and am amazed#8230;.so much talent! Aisha#8230;I loved your writing and I hope that you continue. Detail really set the The Impact Essay, scene well and made me want to keep reading. I want to rise, know more! Good job hooking the reader#8230; So well said and engaging. Everything we want! This is awesome, Jeff.

I#8217;m in the middle of a memoir of my own and this will be very, very useful. Excellent post on memoir, Jeff! I appreciate all your points, especially the willingness to The Impact, embrace our vulnerability and humanness in matura free a way that helps the reader connect their own story with our story. Therein lies the transformative power of of Smoking Essay, memoir. Test Free? I feel like you did that in The Impact of Smoking WRECKED and I am looking forward to reading your memoir. Best wishes! Thanks, Kathy! That means a lot. Perfect advice mine is coming!

Thank you! #SuccessByChoice, my friend! The Wake-Up Call. Summary? I had just typed 30 onto the bottom of the Essay, page on the. computer screen when my telephone rang. It was my mom. Dad had tried to hurt. She had managed to escape and run to the pastors house.

When she got back home, dad was gone, nobody knew where, and she was filing for. divorce after 32 years. Ha Jin Summary? I just listened, not saying too much, stunned because the. fantasy world Id built, the one that said I had had a happy childhood and. everything was fine, had just collapsed under the weight of reality. It really. had happened the way those haunting nightmares kept trying to remind me. My dad.

really was sick. He really did hurt my mother and of Smoking the fear I had grown up with. was just as strong now as it was when I was five, huddled under my covers. pleading for God to of adolf, make daddy stop throwing mommy around the The Impact of Smoking, living room. I had never told anyone about what had happened, not even my. husband. Every time I saw people on talk shows talk about growing up in abusive. homes, I was drawn to rise of adolf hitler, their conversations, but their tales were always so. The Impact? dramatic and much more intense than I remembered our lives to be. Id tell. myself, thats not me, and move on with life.

Now, everything I thought I had left behind had resurfaced. There was no hiding it anymore. When a friend, my editor, had written an op ed. memoir in the paper about her alcoholic father for summary, Fathers Day, something told. me I could talk to her. Suddenly, the dam burst, and I found myself pouring out. to her everything that had always been hiding in my past. When I was finished, I was surprised at the look on her. face.

She was stunned. She said, that was abuse and it was wrong. Not sure why the formatting is so strange, but, oh well. This was really vivid and The Impact of Smoking gripping. Matura Free? Directly and unflinchingly told. Which tells of the of Smoking, firm decision to face the big 5 personality free, reality. The friend#8217;s words at the end are few but direct, and might have been the best thing she could say. It takes courage to face, and then write about, something like this. I agree with John#8217;s comments below. The Impact? Well done.

It takes not only courage to face the truth of a childhood like this but also a lot of ha jin summary, heart work to The Impact of Smoking, let go of the shame that isn#8217;t yours to own. I hope you keep writing like this. Sad to say, but there are many who are unable to stop pretending because the truth of the past it to painful#8230;stories like this helps them let go. Barbara, what you wrote reminded me of what I used to do to cope#8230;compare my situation to situations worse than mine. I remember going to a therapist and having him ask, #8220;Did he ever hit you?#8221; I said, #8220;No, not closed fisted.#8221; I#8217;ll never forget the knowing look on Trade Essay his face. I did not recognize it as abuse. Very well done! wow, Linda your comments stirred a powerful memory of Essay, how I used to play #8220;at least#8221; to help cope at least I have my sisters, at least I had food today, at least I have money for bus fare#8230;thx for Trade Practices Essay, the reminder! There#8217;s a difference between using this as a way to The Impact of Smoking, minimize our pain and just telling ourselves the truth, right? you ask a great question, Linda.

Through many years of therapy, one of the things I learned was the difference between sticking my head in the sand (denial) and putting the painful thing aside where I could see it, acknowledge it for what it was, but still wasn#8217;t quite ready to deal with it. Took a lot of matura free, practice to rid myself of denial since it was a skill I learned to help me survive my childhood. BUT, like you, that skill helped me learn to The Impact of Smoking Essay, be grateful as well the trick is learning to lose the denial yet hang onto the gratitude. Time and anxiety plans practice#8230;and accepting that all healing is a process. This is powerful and Essay I wish I could read on.

Very captivating. Details in the beginning were painting a picture, with childhood cries while your dad was sick that made me want to rise, listen. Great post as always, Jeff. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? You make excellent points about Trade Essay, writing memoirs that I hadn#8217;t heard before. Thanks for your insights! You#8217;re welcome, Victoria! Thanks Jeff #8212; this will actually help me as I prepare to preach a sermon in of Smoking Essay first-person (Joseph, from Genesis 37-50) this weekend! Jeff, awesome post as usual! I didn#8217;t even realize I was writing a memoir until now. Essay Sex Marriage? Here#8217;s an excerpt: In two days, my daughter turns 18 and the years of memories are flickering through my mind. Remembering when I found out I was pregnant at the tender age of 17.

Remembering the confusion and concern because I didnt know what to do. Remembering the moment when I told my mom because I was too scared to tell my dad his little girl had messed up. I told my mom on my 18th birthday, and up until that day, it was the hardest thing Id ever had to do in of Smoking my life. My boyfriend was supposed to Practices, be with me to tell them but he chickened out at the last minute. It should have told me then what I would later find out he was unreliable and selfish. The Impact Essay? But young love (lust, really) knows no bounds and I ignored the feelings I should have listened to.

Now, I sit here in a coffee shop quietly typing these words on about Debate my laptop. Im a writer, as I have been since I could hold a crayon (to my parents detriment think of walls, books, and The Impact of Smoking even vehicles desecrated by my childish scrawls). But, for rise of adolf, years I let life get in the way of my dream to be a. The funny thing is Ive been a writer the whole time. I just wasnt writing. I used to a long time ago. I used to pour my heart and soul onto paper. I have never felt comfortable unless I have pen and paper handy, or nowadays a computer. But typing just isnt the same as scratching a pencil or pen across paper, letting words flow from your mind, swollen with the desires and creations of your heart and soul at least not to me. But my choices and an unplanned pregnancy sidelined my dreams; dreams of traveling the world and writing about the interesting people, places, food, culture and so much more.

It wasnt even a conscious decision to let the dream go to the wayside. It just happened. But deep down inside there has always been an intense yearning to write as far back as I can remember. Wow! Tried so hard not to cry. Wish I got more on how you survived#8230;how the experience really affected your life and what you#8217;ve been able to do with your life. Of Smoking? Guess that#8217;s a suspense I#8217;d have to deal with #128577; Great one there, Rice! Thank you! Your response means a lot to free, me because I wasn#8217;t sure if I should even write this about my life. I really thought #8220;who would care?#8221; but I see now that maybe it isn#8217;t true.

My teacher reached out her hand and said, You follow your heart. I was an The Impact of Smoking 11-year-old fifth grader back then when I found myself in a dilemma. Should I take the acceleration exam or join in Essay The Same Debate the journalism contest which would happen on the same day? The acceleration exam was what my mother wants me to take. If I passed the exam, I would advance to sixth grade and be ahead of my batch. Id be able to end grade school faster. Of course, I wouldnt want to of Smoking Essay, disobey my mother. Rise Of Adolf Hitler? On the other hand, Ive already loved writing.

The journalism contest would give me an opportunity to The Impact of Smoking Essay, share my writing to others and to learn more about campus journalism. When I sought for my journalism teachers advice, she smiled. She reached out her hand and said, You follow your heart. In the end, I still took the Essay about The Same, acceleration exam. I wanted to Essay, obey my mother. Luckily, I got very high scores in The Debate the first two levels. However, I didnt pass the The Impact of Smoking Essay, third level of the exam and so I didnt achieve the acceleration. My mother didnt say anything.

I finished fifth grade normally. When I entered sixth grade, my journalism teacher talked to hitler, me again, with the same smile, and asked if I was in for that years journalism contest. Without hesitation, following my heart, I told her that I was in. I wrote my sample piece and submitted it to of Smoking Essay, her. That year, I bagged the second place for the Feature Writing Category among the participants from our citys schools. Although I didnt win in the next level of that contest, I felt the happiest when I graduated from grade school. That was 2003. Fast forward to 2013, my teachers smile as she reached out rise her hand and her immortal words still resonate to me.

I continue to write, keep up a blog, attend writing workshops, and The Impact Essay inspire others. I feel happy now all because of one thingI am following my heart. Fatherhood at Niagara Falls. Determined to utilize his free weekend, Tedeau was up early Saturday morning with big plans for matura free, shock and Essay awe. Major. Dad got his troops high and ha jin summary tight with only The Impact Essay minimal balking for the early. weekend hour. With Pillowpets, maps, and coffee in tow, our great leader. Ha Jin Summary? plotted a course north to see one of the true wonders of of Smoking, America, Niagara. approach to the falls area speaks well to the story of life. We were traveling. along in anxiety nursing the car looking on at what seemed to Essay, be a peaceful river. There in the. water, a boundary of peacefulness gave way to turbulence. The farther we went, the more turbulent the water became.

In the distance, we could see the warning. of a great spray of water several hundred feet high where the fall begins. entire visit to Niagara Falls was a mixture of Essay, emotion. We were in utter. amazement of the The Impact, massive, exhilarating power of the falls, yet nagged by. fear knowing that ultimate danger was mere steps away. I was taken in by the hitler, beauty; Tedeau stood watch as protector of his family. He snapped photos with his phone. and sent them to The Impact, my father, which drew an immediate response of, Thats my. babies; dont let them get too close to the edge. He sent another message to. his son letting him know how greatly he was missed on Trade this adventure. The. response from The Impact, my daughters message was, you all look so good! apparently not. noticing the waterfall in big 5 test the background.

Bit was thankful that her Daddy had brought her to see the falls, and very. impressed with the pink sun visor he bought her at the souvenir. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? shop. Blondie carefully chose a snow globe, wanting to bring back. items for each of her siblings, wishing they had shared the day. Sonny enjoyed. the fudge, regretting we hadn#8217;t gotten a larger hunk. we looked through the photographs when we got back to the hotel, the most. noticeable thing to Tedeau and me was the faces that were missing. In this. fantastically beautiful place, we faced the reality that we are given such a. short time to hold our childrens hands, to walk with them, hold them from. danger, allow them to see wonder from the safety of their fathers diligent. Essay? grasp. We savor the moments we have been given, and The Impact give thanks to our God that. the moments have been so generous in number.

I thought of Dad, and his message, Thats my babies; dont let them get. too close to the edge. Smiling, I had a glimpse of my fathers love, because I. see how my own husband watches both the children and the edge. I thought about. my Heavenly Father and the love he described for his children. For I, the LORD. your God, will hold your right hand, saying to big 5 personality free, you, Fear not, I will help. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Do fathers ever really stop holding their. childrens hand, moving them from the edge, watching over saboteur summary, them? A good Daddy. never will. His love transcends time and distance. Of Smoking Essay? Even though. circumstances may bring miles and time between us and rise our older children, as we navigate the of Smoking Essay, waters of life, love prayers and watchfulness will endure. May the LORD watch. between you and me when we are absent one from another. Mizpah Gen 31:49. I enjoyed reading this! It made me think of my dad and how he would hold me so carefully when I was little, such as in the mountains of Big Bend in south Texas when I was four. #8220;See how small the people are?

No, now watch the edge . . . #8221; Your description of Trade Practices Essay, #8220;a good daddy#8221; brought back the realization that I had a good one, too. And your description of all the responses from the others is very real and true-to-life. The Impact? My self-esteem died when I was nineteen, in a tiny children#8217;s bookstore on the upper floor of an obscure mall. Nineteen was a strange age to beas Britney Spears would put it, not a girl, not yet a woman. At that time I thought I could do anything. Ha Jin Summary? It had always been my dream to work in a bookstore, and when I took the job as a sales assistant, I never expected that I would only be there ten days. I remember the The Impact Essay, rickety shelves of picture books, row after row of them, arranged in such haphazard fashion that no one ever knew where anything was. I remember the way the customers spoke to hitler, me as if I were barely subhuman, or perhaps a particularly intelligent species of dog, while their toddlers screamed up and down the The Impact of Smoking, aisles. Practices? I remember counting and recounting the money in the till at The Impact of Smoking Essay the end of my shift, shaking fingers slipping sweat-slick over matura free, the rough paper bills, praying that nothing would be missing.

Above all, I remember having a nervous breakdown one night after work with my friends, and Essay passing my tears off as a very bad cold. I remember my shame as I considered resigning thinking that lots of people put up with crappy sales jobs for years, and that I was just thin-skinned and hitler weakand my intense, head-spinning relief when I resigned anyway. Of Smoking Essay? At nineteen you think in black and white, and as far as I was concerned, one flop experience spelled the end of Trade Practices Essay, all my dreams. My self-image walked into a funhouse mirror and promptly distorted, taking on such glowing terms as Loser. Coward. Quitter. The Impact Of Smoking? Too sensitive. I had screwed up before, but failure had never bitten so deep, and for the first time I contemplated the idea that there were some things I couldn#8217;t do.

In hindsight, that was the year I crossed from anxiety nursing, girl to womanthe year I first reached out for The Impact of Smoking, something and saboteur ha jin summary instead bumped my fingertips against my adult limitations, there in that shop where the toddlers screamed and the till always came up short. Very clear and vivid storytelling as you describe the setting and place yourself in it as you were at The Impact of Smoking that age. I had a similar job once and big 5 personality test free remember the Essay, same condescension from some of the free, customers #8212; and that same fear of my cash drawer not coming out of Smoking right. I#8217;d a very fussy boss, and ending up #8220;over#8221; was as bad as coming up #8220;short#8221;. My very shortest time on a job, at a younger age, was less than a day #8212; due to my ineptitude at handling the money; but that was a gas station so a bit different. Your writing is very relate-able to the experience of others, and that was one of the big 5 test, main goals here wasn#8217;t it? Good job! The first sentence grabbed me right away. Powerful image with the children#8217;s bookstore. I felt like I was following Alice down that rabbit hole.

Great description of a nineteen year old #8220;you think in black and white#8221;. The last sentence with #8220;bumped my fingers against my adult limitations#8221; is great writing. Thanks for sharing this#8230; Well said. The Impact? Great writing! Great first sentence. Rise? #8220;My self-esteem died at the age nineteen in a tiny children#8217;s bookstore on the upper floor of an obscure wall.#8221; What a great way to describe it. And the words #8220;my self-image walked into a funhouse mirror and promptly distorted.#8221; Terrific way to The Impact of Smoking, show how it felt. Matura Free? Great writing. I think we#8217;ve all had at least one of these kinds of jobs where there#8217;s little or no training and we feel lost and belittled by customers and The Impact especially by the #8220;boss#8221;. I guess your theme would be the quest for finding your confidence#8230; thanks for sharing, I could relate to all of it. Joe, I#8217;m late getting to your blog this evening, and I hesitate to post my practice for the reasons having to do with vulnerability that you mentioned, but this lesson is *exactly* what I needed for what I#8217;m trying to write.

So thank you and here goes: (My chosen themes are forgiveness and redemption.) As soon as the security guard appeared at my cubicle and said, #8220;Sir, you#8217;ll have to come with me,#8221; I knew what it was. I tried to blank out all thought on the elevator, and as soon as the guard ushered me out into the elevator lobby the detective stepped up and placed me under arrest. I made my feet and legs move, feeling so shaky as to be in danger of falling. Out on the sidewalk, from the corner of my eye I could see casual acquaintances from the saboteur summary, building slow their hurried trek back to The Impact of Smoking, their offices to watch as I put my hands behind my back as instructed, handcuffs were locked snugly in place on my wrists, and rise I was placed in the rear seat of the unmarked gray Chrysler. The thing is, I told myself as the The Impact, driver walked around the vehicle to get behind the wheel and two detectives settled themselves on each side of me, I#8217;m still a good person. Never have I not been. I know why I#8217;ve done the things I#8217;ve done.

But my half-baked notion of criminality-as-social-protest just isn#8217;t working out. All too predictably. Not having the desired effect at all. Martin Luther King, Junior, I am not. Then the coherence of my thoughts took a nosedive. What would the rest of nursing care, this day be like? As the car started forward, the small, dark detective to my left with the features of someone perhaps from India or whose family had been, his small black eyes snapping, jiggled the back of the driver#8217;s seat and hissed, #8220;Officer. Of Smoking? Officer. Seat belt.#8221; I ducked my head to stifle a sudden, inappropriate giggle.

The other detective, a large muscled man with an Italian name on the badge ID he#8217;d flashed, started a parody of a friendly conversation #8212; #8220;Yeah, I don#8217;t know exactly what this is about but I#8217;m sure they#8217;ll get it cleared up in no time.#8221; Facing ahead, swiveling his face in a bored, condescending circle like a graduate student mistakenly assigned to a class of seventh-graders, he asked an innocuous question about how life had been treating me, and while I was still answering, swung that large face, leaned in and rapped out in rapid fire #8220;what-kinda-car-do-you-drive??#8221;, glowering, and I answered, #8220;Seventy#8221; before I made myself shut up. The rest of the ride was taken in silence. Forgive myself, I thought, would be the first thing. Then maybe, just for my own sanity, forgive these detectives; I#8217;ve never met any of them in my life, and they#8217;re just doing their job. And I#8217;m wrong #8212; wrong with reasons (#8220;like everybody else,#8221; spoke up a little voice in the back of my mind) #8212; but still wrong. It just may be a long road back. A writing mentor taught me that the most tender, private things locked deep in our hearts have the most universal appeal.

She said the hitler, best writing, the best stories come from our mistakes, fears and yearnings. When I wrote my life stories to my sick friend, I thought the hardest one to write would be about getting caught shoplifting at Target when I was 48 yrs. old. But it turned out that story made me laugh because it happened at The Impact of Smoking Essay a time I was so broken the most difficult one to write involved one sentence: #8220;All my life, I felt I wasn#8217;t good enough to saboteur summary, love#8221; Yet, it was so freeing to see those words on the page and know they were a lie I#8217;d believed#8230;Thx for your story, John. The Impact Of Smoking? Would like to read the personality test free, rest#8230; Margaret, thank you so much for your comments, I read them saying #8220;Yes . The Impact Of Smoking Essay? . . Yes . . . Yes . . .YES!#8221; Thanks for the encouragement to Trade, continue.

The #8220;theme#8221; is the hardest part for me, everyone! So many different things happened over my life#8230;but I think the theme may be that freedom comes with a price, which was the title of this snippet of The Impact of Smoking Essay, my memoir#8230; We#8217;re born with a desire to be free. Personality Test? Thankfully, we have parents. Otherwise, we would not be long for this world. There#8217;s too many dangerous things around, like electric sockets and fast moving cars. If we didn#8217;t have adults to watch out for us, we just wouldn#8217;t survive. Parents are there to keep things in check. They feed us, clothe us, make sure we take a bath, brush our teeth and The Impact of Smoking Essay get to school on matura free time. Someone, usually #8220;mom,#8221; keeps the house reasonably clean. And if we started coming home out of our heads with Testor#8217;s glue all over our mouths and hands, someone in our household would notice and maybe make a comment.

One night I awoke with a start. One of the of Smoking, thousands of personality, cockroaches that crawled around the floors of our house in the dark was crawling across my face. I swiped it away, hearing the crackling of it#8217;s shell as it flew off into the darkness. Why didn#8217;t someone do something about The Impact of Smoking, this? I had to pee, and knowing I would have to walk across the about Same, top of Essay, my bed, turn on Trade Essay the light, and watch an army of them scatter in all directions before I could walk to the bathroom made me want to hold it in as long as possible. I lie there in The Impact of Smoking the dark, willing myself to go back to about The Same Sex Marriage, sleep. I thought about my sister, lying in The Impact of Smoking Essay the other bed across the room, her unwashed hair full of fleas and her legs bitten from top to bottom. I felt angry and Practices afraid.

It was getting harder to of Smoking Essay, make myself go to school. But I showed up dutifully, still attempting to matura free, do my best. On the long walk home I stayed lost in my thoughts, but the closer I got to The Impact Essay, our house, the relentless anxiety would take hold, starting in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to Essay about Same Sex Marriage Debate, race home and yet never arrive at the same time. Once at the door, I would try the Essay, knob, and if it was locked, that familiar feeling of test free, dread, the Essay, rush of adrenaline and fear of what I would find, kicked in. I knocked. I rang the bell. I knocked louder.

Then I walked around the side of the house to the kitchen door and tried that knob. If it was locked I went through the gate and nursing care plans found a place to pee in the backyard, not able to hold it any longer. I climbed up on the garbage cans and tried the kitchen window over The Impact of Smoking, the sink. If I was lucky, it was unlatched. I crawled in big 5 personality test free over the faucet and watched my mother sitting upright in of Smoking Essay the kitchen chair, unable to lift her head or open her eyes.

She was plastered again. Matura Free? I seethed. But absent, neglectful parents meant I got my first tastes of The Impact Essay, freedom early. I was free to eat what I wanted for dinner as long as my mother had money in her wallet to steal. The Same Sex Marriage Debate? I was free to sneak out of my bedroom in the middle of the night and go wake my brother so we could walk the of Smoking, streets for a couple of hours, smoking the cigarettes my father had bought for us the weekend before.

I was free to steal my parent#8217;s alcohol and smoke marijuana, try my mother#8217;s Darvons, sniff glue, and big 5 free generally, come and go as I please. But I really didn#8217;t want all this freedom. I wanted someone to The Impact of Smoking Essay, take care of me, reign me in. The neighborhood moms had stopped letting their children play with us long ago. We were on our own. Very impressive article. I have read each and every point and found it very interesting. Free? Thanks for this great post! I especially liked, #8220;#8230;you must be willing to do the thing that so few people are willing to do.

You must be human, at The Impact of Smoking once whole and incomplete.#8221; Wow, that#8217;s how I feel most of the of adolf hitler, time. I#8217;m new to the world of of Smoking Essay, blogging, so thanks for helping to nursing plans, open my eyes. Keep it coming, Jeff! Here#8217;s the bit of memoir that you helped kindle this morning: She wont admit it, but my 10th grade substitute English teacher fueled me to write for the last 26 years. The first teacher took ill and had to take a sabbatical. I think that maybe we kids gave her a nervous breakdown.

Then Mrs. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? E showed up in a big fur coat and bleached blond hair that lit up the about The Same Sex Marriage Debate, classroom. She had style and flair and had seen the world. She spoke poetry, the words gliding off her tongue with authority and The Impact flavored by cultures and a life truly lived. She captivated me, the habitual daydreamer, the proficient procrastinator, expert excuse-maker. Rise Of Adolf Hitler? She made me want to l-i-s-t-e-n and to bring those dreams to life on of Smoking Essay paper. Essay About Same Sex Marriage? She pulled me aside one day after class. I thought that I was in trouble, because she looked at me like a raptor sizing up its prey.

She said, Dustin, I dont want you to do your homework. I dont want you to take the tests. I dont care if you pay attention in class. Just keep writing and turn it in to meyou are guaranteed to The Impact of Smoking Essay, get an A. Immediately, I felt like a secret service agent. I told no one of my special status, not even my parents. Can you guess which class was my favorite? And I seriously hated English class. With a single conversation, Mrs.

E turned drudgery into life and gave me permission to love what I was born to do. I can still feel my heart thumping in my throat as I pumped the old Huffy pedals as hard as I could to get to her house to share the latest story. That summer break we made a deal: if I shared what I wrote with her, she would share what she wrote with me. I wish I could get this squeaky bike going faster! She taught me that poetry isn#8217;t just about life. Poetry is life. The way that you shape your life comes from deep within you. Words come from the same place.

They come from your soul and you are helpless to change it. Anxiety Nursing Care? You are a fool to try. I learned that poetry is something to give away. And that life is to give away. Poetry and life are children of the same womb. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? When you give them freely, as my first mentor does, everyone grows. To this day I am grateful to the poet who helped shape me.

It is rare to hear of a teacher that has the matura free, courage to break the The Impact, rules like that for the growth of her student. I saw her a few years ago at a poetry reading that she organized. She still works hard to inspire writers, to give life. I shared with the group how she changed my life. She denied it. No, no. I did nothing of the matura free, sort, she drawled. Then she got that look of a hungry raptor again. I was sure that I was in The Impact trouble this time! No, Dustin.#8221; She said proudly. Big 5 Personality? #8220;You were just an excellent student. Im good for Essay, the next 30 years. After finishing my second rehab I was accepted to Samaritan House.

I sensed there was some hope there; more than anything else it was a bedI had nowhere to Trade Practices, go, and no money for a room. It was downtown, and that excited me because I could walk to my aunt#8217;s house, and visit her during the day. Of Smoking? There were two counselors, Mike B., and Tristan. Trade Essay? They were both in recovery, I didn#8217;t know about the Director, he was kind of a quiet guy, my interview with him only took ten minutes. There wasn#8217;t much talk about him in the house. Mike B. was my man. He was a pleasant guy in his thirties who got married during my stay; athletic, white, like the rest of us. Then there was Tristan. Every weekday at The Impact noon I attended a large Alcoholics Anonymous meeting downtown.

Annapolis was the state capitol; half the gathering was made up of matura free, lawyers and lobbyists who got caught with their pants down. The Impact Essay? I became friends with a used car salesman who offered the group a 15% discount to atone for his past misdeeds. I led the meeting a couple times, opening my story with the familiar, #8220;Hello. My name is big 5 personality, Mike and I#8217;m an alcoholic.#8221; Tristan led it frequently and he opened with the statement, #8220;My name is Essay, Tristan and about Same Sex Marriage I have an IQ of 186,#8221; There was no doubt in my mind he did, but it was a precept of the AA program that the prospects engage in as high a level of humility as they are able. The Impact Essay? The lawyers loved his opening, but I didn#8217;t get it. There was a demeaning system for transgressions.

The night counselor wrote up our demerits, and we would wake to find them left publically on display on the beautiful cherry table in the lobby. I cooked part time at a carry out at night, and I barely finished in Same Sex Marriage Debate time to get home by 11pm curfew. The Impact? This was usually Tristan#8217;s shift and for a long time he didn#8217;t write me up; if I was a few minutes late, he let it slide. Mike B. Nursing Care Plans? told me I had a #8220;huge ego and no self esteem.#8221; This bothered me no end; I could see having one or the The Impact of Smoking, other, but not both at the same time. I had seen a therapist in rehab who told me I had little self esteem, but it was unbelievable to saboteur summary, me that I was an egotist, I helped people all the time, sometimes to my detriment. He said, #8220;Yeah, you help people, but to feed your ego.#8221; He called me a #8216;people pleaser,#8217; one of those nebulous phrases from AA.

I didn#8217;t like this, I felt he was calling me an Essay #8216;ass kisser.#8217; At the six month point in my stay, I was required to sit down in front of a tribunal, the Director, Mike B., and of adolf hitler Tristan, to ask for an extension to The Impact of Smoking, my stay. Summary? If they would have bumped me, I still had nowhere to go, so I was pretty anxious. When they asked me what I thought about going without demerits for so long, I said, stupidly, #8220;I just want to be treated like all the other guys.#8221; The Director called me a #8216;people pleaser#8217; again. Tristan said I was too green to lead the noon meeting. They let me stay for of Smoking Essay, another six months, but the shakedown stuck with me. I came in from work at ten minutes after eleven. Tristan just said, #8220;Good Night,#8221; but there was a demerit on the table in the morning with my name on it, signed by Tristan, for coming in after curfew. I was very upset about anxiety care, it and asked him why that night, and he said, #8220;You said you just wanted to be treated like the other guys.#8221; We had regular chores and the next morning there was a write up because I left streaks on of Smoking Essay the bathroom mirror. Soon I had enough demerits to matura free, push me close to being bumped out of the house. I was continually anxious.

I went to the liquor store close to work and Essay bought a cold six pack of anxiety nursing, Colt 45#8217;s. There was a small field behind the shopping center that had a single tree in the middle of it; I sat beneath it and drank them all. Afterwards I went to The Impact Essay, work, but the saboteur ha jin, boss smelled the alcohol and The Impact of Smoking sent me home. Practices? I went back to the house and did my chores, and one of the guys must have ratted on me, because Tristan came into my room just as I lay down, and said, #8220;Blow into this.#8221; I did and then rolled over and faced the wall. He exclaimed, dancing, #8220;Oh, Happy Day! Point-oh-one! You#8217;re out of here!#8221; I asked him without looking at him, #8220;Can I leave in of Smoking Essay the morning?#8221; (This is hitler, a blog post I wrote last year after Mom passed away.) Just Let Me Feel Bad. There is The Impact of Smoking Essay, a scene in Ordinary People where Conrad is big 5, talking to Dr. Berger after Karen has killed herself. The Impact Of Smoking? Dr.

Berger is trying to console Conrad, but its not working. Finally, Conrad explodes in matura free frustration. I feel bad about this! I feel really, really bad about this. Just let me feel bad about this. This morning I couldnt settle on a blog topic, so I went outside to The Impact, help David deal with the two dead trees he felled earlier in the week. Hes become a real Paul Bunyan, except with a chain saw instead of an big 5 personality free axe. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Stacking logs and piling up limbs takes physical effort, but it leaves the mind free to wander. I had gone through my prayer list a little earlier and started thinking of all the sad things that have happened in of adolf hitler the three weeks since Mom died. Three friends lost their moms, my aunt lost her best friend, and another friend lost her son.

At least three. friends have parents who are in their final stages, and three more are battling. Of Smoking? a recurrence of cancer. I could go on, but you get the idea without my dragging. you down into a deep depression. The point of my mental wanderings was not the. Matura Free? tragedies themselves, but how can I best help and of Smoking Essay support my friends when they. are going through trying times? When I was growing up, my family didnt deal well with emotions, in fact, we didnt deal with them at all. We denied, avoided, and otherwise swept them under the proverbial rug. As a result, I feared emotions and summary made it my mission in life to be sure everyone I knew was in of Smoking Essay a constant state of euphoria. I was a champion Pollyanna, the queen of Dont feel bad. Anxiety Nursing Care Plans? Just smile and it will be all better. After lots of The Impact Essay, counseling experience, both as a counselor and a counselee, Ive learned that doesnt work.

The bad feelings are there because its a bad situation, and feeling bad is part of the healing process. This morning as I worked, I continued to think about the subject, but I wasnt sure how to develop it into a post. After a couple of hours of dealing with dead wood, we cleaned up and went to the Senior Center for lunch. One of the regulars has a beautiful voice and anxiety nursing loves to sing, and sometimes she brings her boom box and serenades us. The Impact Of Smoking? Today was one of those days, and she sang a number of old-time gospel songs, all of which seemed to be about Mama and anxiety nursing Heaven. It wasnt long before the The Impact Essay, tears were flowing.

Some were tears of sadness and loneliness, and some were tears of joy that Mom is rise hitler, all better now, but all. were tears of healing. Nobody took much notice. Of Smoking? My friend across the table shed. some tears of her own, partly sharing in my grief but partly remembering her own. mother and the child she lost way too soon. David brought me a dry napkin when. mine became a soggy mess, and nursing plans he draped his arm gently around my shoulder.

But. nobody told me not to cry. The Impact? When it was time to leave, I went over matura free, and hugged the singer. The Impact Of Smoking? She had seen my tears and held me in a comforting embrace. You know, we buried my Mom three weeks ago, I said. Personality Test? Im sorry. I didnt know. And then she listened as I told her a few stories about The Impact of Smoking, Mom, and she shared a couple of stories of her own. About The Debate? As we bonded in the sisterhood of grief, I felt validated and affirmed. Now that Im home, my eyes feel scratchy and puffy, and I feel drained. At the same time I feel strengthened. I know I will cry more tears and feel more grief, but in time the wound of Moms loss will become a scar where the The Impact of Smoking Essay, wound has healed.

For now, Ill continue to cry and tell my stories. Test Free? And I will bring you dry napkins, listen to your stories, and offer a shoulder to cry on when your sorrows come. I made my world debut in 1976. I was told that my mother gave birth to me, aided by a local midwife, in The Impact of Smoking Essay a two story wooden house which sat in the heart of a pulsating, vibrant and culturally diverse city. She called this house a #8220;home#8221; for a few years, paying rental fee month after month while she sometimes stayed at home to care for me and on nights when it was scarce, she worked as a bar girl. Thecircumstances surrounding my birth are like pieces of matura free, a puzzle to me even to this day. I was told that on the night I was born, I had to be rushed to the. hospital because I had congenital pulmonary issues and The Impact of Smoking Essay my fingernails and. Essay The Same? toenails were blue, hence I grew up knowing that I was born a blue baby. Apparently, another woman helped my mother that night and that woman became my mother just a few months before I turned seven. No, I wasn#8217;t adopted. I was given up. My first mother let#8217;s call her Anna met my father when he was already married.

Well, Anna fell in love despite the knowledge that Papa already had a family and could never make an honest woman out of her. Thinking about it now, it#8217;s probably in the genes, this stubbornness and this devil-may-care attitude. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? I see myself in Anna often and it scares the hitler, living daylights out of me because, truth be told, I do not want to be like her. Anyway, Anna and Papas love affair seemed to have flourished because it produced me. I am a love-child, their love-child, and whether I was a welcome surprise or not was a mystery that I sought out to solve. There were a lot of times when I felt that Papa hated me.

I could not remember a time that he ever carried me on of Smoking Essay his lap or sang me lullabies. I could not even remember him talking to of adolf hitler, me. Much like the circumstances surrounding my birth, my childhood memories were also like jigsaw puzzles that I struggle to piece together. When I try to remember, all I could come up with are bits and pieces of memories that I could not string together in chronological order. I see faces women, men, and children. I see places a nipa hut, a large square space that had no rooms, I see my father shaving my mother#8217;s head, I see my mother crying, begging my father to The Impact of Smoking Essay, let me out of this big family home so she can take me home with her, I see a man who owned a television store, I see a man who bought me new clothes for Christmas and spent one Christmas eve with me and Anna in Practices Essay our apartment. I see Anna, drunk and in The Impact Essay a fit of drunken rage being dragged by saboteur ha jin, four men into a room with mirrors and The Impact dresses lying everywhere. I. see Anna and her friends sitting in our #8220;living room#8221; smoking pot. And then I see Anna banging her protruding belly on the wall. None of my early. childhood memories were consistent; there were always different names, different places, different faces and different surroundings. Thinking about it. now, I was probably shuttled in between one caretaker to another more than I.

ever spent time with Anna. But I loved her. The Sex Marriage Debate? I loved her with all the The Impact, love that my tiny being could muster. Anna was the saboteur ha jin summary, most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on#8230; Hi everyone! I#8217;m researching on how to write a memoir and Google took me here. I thought I#8217;d share what I have so far. Please feel free to let me know what you all think. Of Smoking Essay? Thanks! BUSY, THE CIRCUS BEAR. I walk past Charlie staring at the kitchen sink and head straight into the bathroom.

He doesn#8217;t realize I#8217;ve come in; he#8217;s still zooted out. I have some time. The door to the bathroom doesn#8217;t close all the Essay, way. It just wedges shut in the frame. He took it off its hinges once to get at me. It#8217;s been rehung, but not right.

All the doors are like this. The cops gave me a phone number while Charlie was in jail. A place to call and get the locks changed. #8220;The lock is fine,#8221; I told them. #8220;I need someone to fix the door. Essay? It#8217;s busted right off the wall. Do you have anybody who can fix that?#8221; I remove my coat and lay it on the floor. I sit on the ledge of the bathtub. I have a new gallon bottle of Essay about Sex Marriage Debate, wine, plus two beers in a bag. Five single boxes of Sudafed.

Under the sink, there#8217;s a little left in The Impact of Smoking last night#8217;s bottle and a plastic cup. Plus two smaller empties. I have to Trade Essay, get rid of these; there#8217;s no more room under here. I pour out the remainder of the wine and put the of Smoking, big spent bottle in big 5 personality the shopping bag from tonight#8217;s purchase. I wrap the others in toilet paper so they don#8217;t clink together, and I fold the The Impact of Smoking, top of the bag over. I don#8217;t want anyone to suspect that I drink this much. I replace the fresh jug of Carlo Rossi to ha jin, the back of the cabinet. It makes me feel good to have new things, even though this will be gone before tomorrow.

I pop twelve or so little red pills from their foil and The Impact swallow them down. Rise Hitler? I take these all day, every day when I can#8217;t get real speed or cocaine. I go to different drug stores to buy them. I stop at Duane Reade before work and Rite Aid at lunchtime. Essay? I like to always have enough, somewhere between 80 and 120 a day. I grind up a dozen more with the of adolf hitler, heel of my shoe and snort them off the of Smoking Essay, lip of the sink. They make my nose bleed bad, but so what. This room is tiny. I painted the Practices, whole thing navy blue, back when Rusty lived here.

Right over the tile and mirrors. I thought it would look cool. The Impact Essay? It feels like being inside of an eyeball. Portions now, peeling off in sheets. Matura Free? Like a bear, slashing its way out of a lousy tattoo. I turn the water on and pop a beer open quietly with my finger over the hole to disguise the #8216;pfft#8217; sound.

I hear Charlie banging pots around outside. He#8217;s hungry when I get home. Chuck has no steady job. He works day labor moving furniture, laying blacktop. He and his cousins steal and strip cars. He earns just enough to get high and sometimes buy groceries.

A carton of The Impact of Smoking, eggs, cheese, a box of instant mashed potatoes. He prefers soft food because his teeth are loose. I smell butter burning in the pan. I know I#8217;m hungry but I have no appetite, really. Nursing Care Plans? I dump a handful more pills into my mouth; I tear the foil at the perforation and put the rest in my pants pocket. Of Smoking Essay? I open all the decongestant boxes and cram the remaining three sheets of pills into one box and stuff them back in my knapsack. I fold three empty boxes into big 5 test, the fourth and drop that into The Impact, the shopping bag with the empty wine bottles. I like to be organized. I pee and wash my face.

I put my coat back on. #8220;Hey,#8221; I mumble quietly at Charlie#8217;s big, angry shoulders. #8220;I#8217;ll be right back,#8221; I suggest, already on my way outside. #8220;We have no bread.#8221; As I walk up the street to a different liquor store, I drop my garbage into the dumpster behind the Essay The Same, Roy Rogers. 2012, Angela and I stood in court again to of Smoking Essay, finalize the about Same Sex Marriage Debate, guardianship of Kaylee, my granddaughter. Because of an issue in. Angelas past, it was deemed that her presence was by no means to be permitted around. Kaylee until certain conditions were met.

What a blow! That meant overnight. visits at our house were out, and of Smoking there would be no going to the parks. Angela. could not participate in Kaylees upcoming birthday or even Skype with her on. the computer. Nursing Plans? She handled it by going. to an AA meeting. I handled it by having. a drink with my dinner. After a couple. of Essay, weeks, my dinner drinks extended into the nights. Then they started at matura free lunch. Pretty soon I was. in The Impact full swing and saboteur ha jin summary drinking every day. And of course, drugging. It is. amazingly easy to Essay, get prescription drugs. It is rise of adolf hitler, actually easier to get them on the streets than in your doctors. office.

Angela was resolute. She followed the courts suggestion and. attended an anger management class. The Impact? I. Of Adolf? drank. At the end of April, the court reversed its decision and granted Angela. the ability to be around Kaylee with no restrictions. I still drank. I mean, why stop now?

Lets. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? After a 6 day mega binge in May. Matura Free? 2012, I woke up at the crack of 2:00 in the afternoon and The Impact of Smoking looked around the. room for Angela. I saw her sitting on. the floor between the Sex Marriage Debate, bed and the closet, with tears running down her. The Impact Of Smoking? She looked at me and Essay about The Sex Marriage Debate said, I dont want to. live life like this with you. I have been up watching you breathe. You scared me last night.

You drank an entire liter of The Impact of Smoking Essay, rum and took 25. lortabs within 3 hours. I dont want to lose you Last night? Hummmmm, lemme think..NOPE! Dont. remember anything. Practices Essay? Seriously. Not a. thing.

I remember leaving our apartment. and going to the pool. End of. story. I had never had a blackout. The Impact? before. I had heard of them, of course, but had never experienced one. Apparently, the cocktail of Practices, rum and a slew of The Impact of Smoking, Lortabs afforded me the. opportunity to experience this phenomenon. to sit up to talk to her, but being vertical was absolutely out of the Trade Practices, question. without my head swimming. As I laid back. down, I looked over at her and saw her pain, fear, and desperation, and I just surrendered. I truly surrendered everything I had and gave. in to of Smoking, the knowledge that this disease was going to kill me.

After 3 years in the program, Angela knew. where we needed to be, and at Practices 5:30 that evening we were sitting in Essay chairs at an. AA meeting. We stopped working at the pizza place and went to matura free, 60 meetings in 30. On June 15, 2012, Angela graduated. from Tulsa Welding School with top honors, and we hightailed it back to The Impact of Smoking, the. farm. We re-joined our Texas group and. have never looked back.

There were lots. of times in my life when I fantasized about how I would like my life to be, but. I am here to personality test, tell younothing I ever. imagined was as good as my life actually is. Essay? There is an AA promise that says, You will know a new freedom, and I do. I wake up every day and do not think about. where I am going to get the money to buy for Essay about Same Debate, my addiction. I wake up not. worrying about what I did the night before. I wake up with NO secrets that need to The Impact of Smoking Essay, be heavily guarded. I wake up with the realization that I am who. Big 5 Personality? I say I am, and nobody has enough control of me to of Smoking, tell me any different. I wake up next to big 5, my best friend and Essay partner. in life, and I am happy to be there. could tell you that the urge to drink or use went away and never reared its. Ha Jin Summary? ugly head again.

I WISH I could. The Impact? But now. when it happens, I get an immediate thought of sobriety and all that I have but. Essay About The Sex Marriage Debate? could lose were I to go down that road again. Jiminy Crickets voice is louder than my addictions. I never in a million years would have thought. that was possible. re-joined our Texas group I reached out (like I was supposed to) and got in. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? touch with someone who had been recommended to Trade, me as a sponsor. Her name was Leslie and she accepted me after. a long conversation about The Impact of Smoking Essay, my goals and my feelings of determination. Saboteur Ha Jin? We sat down and of Smoking mapped out a plan of attack. along with an estimated time schedule for each step. It was time to get serious. This is such a moving story. Saboteur? With never having an addiction problem myself, I have no idea what it would be like.

But after reading this, I felt as if I was right there with the author. Loved it! Want to read more#8230;#8230;#8230;.. thank you Chatterbox! Thank you so much for the feedback! I will post more. Lets play a game.

I will describe something to of Smoking Essay, you and you guess what it is. Ok? Description: It drains peace and happiness out of the air around it; it glories in decay and despair. If you get too close to it every good feeling and big 5 test happy memory will be. sucked out of you. The Impact Essay? If it can, it will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself..miserable and depressed.

It is intelligent enough to be greedy, therefore holds no true loyalty except to whoever can provide it with enough feed for the moment. The very presence of big 5 free, it can make the of Smoking Essay, victims surrounding atmosphere grow cold and. dark, and the longer it is around the stronger the anxiety nursing plans, effects. For those of you who have read or seen Harry Potter you are saying to yourself..A Dementor! Its a Dementor! Nope. I am talking about of Smoking Essay, my grandmother. After mom left us I grasped onto any connection I could that stemmed from her. Some were positive (my aunt) and some werent. But regardless, I held on tight to each one because of the ties that they held to mom. When Mom left us, she did not have a very. Saboteur Ha Jin Summary? good relationship with my grandmother (her mother).

I knew some of the details, but really she kept the The Impact Essay, details between herself and Dad. Matura Free? Mom was such a lady that she wouldnt say shit if her mouth were full of of Smoking, it, much less speak ill of a family member. in front of us kids. Big 5 Free? In the past 20 + years that Mom has been gone my relationship with my grandmother has morphed into true illness. Of Smoking Essay? I know that other females in our family have had to rise of adolf, endure the kind of Essay, mean spirited passive-aggressive venom that takes the Practices, place of her words that I have. Of course, my aunt (as she is the eldest and therefore has been around longer) has been the recipient of more mind bending insensitive scorn than I could ever imagine and not wind up in daily therapy.

I havent compared notes with my cousin but the abuse has been alluded to by others. And of The Impact Essay, course there is me. Her favorite cause. Her favorite emotional punching bag. It took me YEARS to be able to admit to myself the extent of the damage that I have allowed her to saboteur ha jin summary, do. I am not sure why. The Impact Essay? What was the reason that I let her have so much influence on the way I thought about myself? If ANYONE spoke to me the way that Mimi felt free too I would have cut them out of my life, dismissed them as Looney and personality would have pressed on. No grandmother should ever begin any sentence to a grandchild with the words You. are NOTHING but. (fill in the blank with your favorite loser activity.) Somehow along the way, after I had moved to Oklahoma, got divorced and came out of the closet (I believe that would have made me around 32- ish) I called and Essay visited Mimi on anxiety nursing plans a regular basis. My cousin and aunt were still pretty involved with her so she didnt need me around very often, but they had a change of heart after they closed down the house on of Smoking 16th street and Essay moved her to the condo. I am still not sure of the details of all of that.but after hearing and knowing what Mimi is capable of..I am sure I dont ever need to.

I understand. ( I feel ya sistas! ) After they decreased their involvement in her. daily life she turned to me. Slow and sure I succumbed to the control of my grandmother. I eventually called her every single day of my life, rain or shine, work or not, well or ill. Some conversations were pleasant, but most were subliminally destructive. The Impact? Even at damn near 40 years old, I was often told of all the nursing care plans, wrongs that I did and how I should correct them. Of Smoking? From the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I interacted with people and of course the people that I chose to be in my life.

For example: As a critical care nurse, I wore scrubs to work each day. I was often told that I. Saboteur? looked low class because I didnt wear traditional old fashioned, starched Nurses Whites. I worked nights because I enjoyed the Essay, emergent nature of critical care at night but to her I was NOTHING but an overweight nurse that needed to be hid on the night. shift. If you would just lose weight you would be someone they would be proud to. have on the unit during the day when all of the Doctors were around. Yada yada. Essay Same Debate? yada. Of Smoking? After I left nursing I was fortunate enough to be in a relationship that afforded me the big 5 test free, opportunity to of Smoking, stay home and take care of my family and begin my writing dream. At that point I became NOTHING but a maid and matura free a servant and I was spoiled because I was never made to pay for anything on my own. It was in the year 2009 ( I think) I had had about as much as I could stand and. didnt call her for 3 days because I needed a break, and on the 4th day there was a knocking on my front door. So naturally I opened it and there stood a cop. The sleepy groggy feeling of being awakened in the middle of my night left immediately. It was replaced by sheer panic.

My blood ran cold and my heart stopped. The Impact? What had happened?! Was something wrong with one of my children?! OMG! Nope. They were all well. He informed me that he was at hitler my door to perform a welfare check on.who? You guessed it! ME! Yep! Officer Do-gooder was responding to a. call from a very sweet sounding old lady that was just worried sick because. she hadnt heard from her granddaughter. (I wondered to myself, exactly how much grandeur does one need to display while one is pulling her manipulative strings?!) Oh really!

Does it matter that she has made absolutely NO effort to contact me? Not one phone call, not one message left. Just a cop at my door wondering what I was doing that was so important that I couldnt stop it for 3 minutes to of Smoking Essay, let that sweet little voice know that I was alright and not to care plans, worry. I said ok! Ok! I will call her right. now. Never mind that it was the 5th straight day of working back to back 12 hour shifts. Never mind that it was in the middle of my night. And never mind that quite frankly.I was tired.

And not impressed that there was. an Essay officer of the big 5 personality test, law at my door playing the role of Jiminy Cricket. The Impact? But I called. The first thing out of her mouth was Debi Kaye, where have you been? I worry that someone has grabbed you and taken you away from that hospital parking lot that you are in at night and all alone. (I am going to paraphrase here.) After all that I have done for you, NO BODY has loved you like I have loved you and this is how you treat me. I was so worried that I was sick to my stomach. When I asked why, if she were that worried, didnt she just pick up the phone and call me? Her answer? Why SHOULD I?! I am the Grandmother. You should be grateful enough to call me OH. Silly me. I got. chewed on for a few more minutes and the phone call ended with her telling me. how much she loved me and that she would talk to nursing care, me tomorrow.

I felt guilty for not checking on Essay her, weak for letting her push my buttons and childlike for feeling like at damn near 40 years old I needed to answer for my behavior! Deep sigh. And she did hear from me. I regained contact with her every single day of my life, rain or shine, work or not, well or ill. The extent of the damage will be talked about for saboteur, pages to come, but I wanted to do a kind-of preface to stories. I will own up to my part of the The Impact of Smoking, situation (staying in an unhealthy relationship) as long as you PROMISE to not respond using any sentence that begins with the phrase She just. IE she just meant she was worried. Essay The Same Sex Marriage? She just wants to see you succeed. Etc etc etc. blah blah blah. The person that the rest of Essay, my family talks to on a sporadic basis is of adolf, not really their true grandmother.

The person that they talk to on a sporadic basis is an old woman trying to get into heaven. The one and. only The Impact Essay way to honestly know my grandmother is to be part of her life on a daily basis. In that realm, she drops all pretenses of kindness and controls everything around her, sucking the life from the matura free, room to feed her sadness and of Smoking disappointment of the way her life really turned out. She is very disappointed that she is alone. Plain and.

And for anxiety care plans, a very long time, that made me feel guilty. So I allowed it to control my emotions and The Impact of Smoking Essay basically my life. I wanted/needed a connection to my mother so badly that I was willing to endure the meanness. Was I experiencing the saboteur ha jin summary, same kind of treatment that my mother did? Did she walk away? No. The relationship was strained, but it was still in fact, a relationship. When I was with Mimi I never had to The Impact of Smoking, say anything like: I wish you had known my Mom. She would have loved this! She already knew.

She could tell me stories about my Mom as a little girl and funny things that had happened when I was a. baby. But the good stuff was wrapped up in the bad stuff, and the bad stuff is sometimes just plain easy to believe. I wasnt good enough. I never have been. If my mother had just married the boy that she wanted her too, she would have had a more refined granddaughter. My mother would have been embarrassed at how I turned out. How could I be such a bad mother when I had such a good mother?

Yada yada yada. How does someone like me quiet the voices? How does someone like me get the opportunity to feel numb? We drink. We use. Summary? And I did lots of Essay, both. The. following stories will be sprinkled with mimi-isms along with inside and. outside influences that made me want to shrink my world. If I couldnt feel like I was good enough, then I wanted to ha jin summary, feel nothing.

Nothing at all. It was a sunny afternoon when my friends and I walked out of our ninth grade classes on the. last day of school before the summer vacations. Everyone was busy saying. good-byes and meeting their friends for Essay, the last time, before going home. My. friend, Mansha, and I were walking together to our bus stops when she suddenly. asked me, So when are you leaving for and returning from U.S.A? I joked with. her and said, I am leaving on saboteur ha jin summary 11th June and I may not come back, as.

I might go to the high school over there! She was surprised with my statement. and looked happy for me. I said her good bye and then I met my best friend, Sheena, and The Impact of Smoking Essay I talked to saboteur ha jin summary, her and Essay waved good bye for care plans, the last time too. I didnt know. that this joke would make me regret my words later. I spent my last bus time. chatting with my favorite bus mate and had fun with her. Then I reached home, I. Of Smoking Essay? got excited because I had finally gotten free from school and couldnt wait to. meet my father in U.S.A after one whole year. Matura Free? I started packing my stuff and. made a bag full of my notebooks and books because I had already been given a. mid-term exams date sheet, which would start right in the middle of August, on. my first day back to school. I was very fond of writing stories and The Impact of Smoking kept a. folder with rough drafts of my stories with the real-life characters in it. I. was very imaginative and fascinated about my perfect life and used to enjoy my. day. I wanted to saboteur, take my stories with me to The Impact of Smoking, U.S.A but I hid and locked them in. Trade Essay? my cabinet, thinking that I would return home in three months and of Smoking Essay will write the. stories then. I thought I should better enjoy my holidays with my family. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever and I wouldnt be. able to return to my people, my things, my friends, my home-Pakistan, again.

later, I was all set to leave for the second time to the United States and I. Essay About Sex Marriage? called my paternal grandparents, whom I called, Dada Jan and Dadi Jan, and sought their prayers and good wishes for the future. I told them that I. wanted to The Impact of Smoking Essay, meet them but their home was in anxiety nursing care plans Lahore. I talked to them for a long time and said. them a final good bye. Before leaving my home, I emotionally bid a goodbye to. my favorite study room, where I spent my most of the time; my personal things, my bedroom, and my home for of Smoking Essay, the last time. I left for the airport and thus. began the ha jin summary, unexpected journey of my migration to the United States. After a long. and tiring flight of around 23 hours, my family and I finally reached the. Washington Dulles International Airport.

I was amazed by the friendly, clean and. the peaceful environment America had. One of the immigration officers looked confused. at The Impact of Smoking Essay my mother after checking our passports and asked her, Why did you go back. to Pakistan? My mother confidently told him, We went back because I had to. look after my old parents-in- laws. He shrugged his shoulders and looked. confused again. Trade Essay? He wrote on our passports, OUT OF U.S. FOR 10 MNTHS and. warned us that our Permanent Resident Cards could be cancelled if we didnt. Of Smoking Essay? live in saboteur summary U.S.A. This incident shocked us and we came into a dilemma of what to. do next. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? We met our father and uncle at matura free the airport and I loved his new white, Pontiac van. We were excited and The Impact of Smoking Essay reached our apartment after 2 hours. I was. surprised to see our apartment and there was another surprise waiting for us. Of Adolf? I. met my maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and The Impact my cousins waiting there to. Saboteur Summary? give us a warm welcome to United States. a day or two, the family began to The Impact of Smoking, reflect upon the serious trouble that had. taken place at anxiety nursing care plans the airport.

Our extended family members suggested that my. mother to take a one year leave from Pakistan and leave my elder sister and me. here in U.S with my father. Essay? We didnt agree to personality free, this as we hadnt lived without. The Impact? our mother and couldnt think of separating from her for anxiety nursing care, a year. This decision. remained uncertain for a long time and sometimes we were asked to study for our. exams and sometimes to start preparing to live in of Smoking U.S. My parents had a hard. time making this difficult decision as many obstacles came in matura free our way.

I was. Essay? very young and I depended on my mother; I had just started my O-Levels, a. British GCE affiliated with Cambridge University, and of adolf my elder sister had to. complete her A-levels, the in-depth, academically advanced level after. O-Levels. Finally, after much courage our family decided that it was better for. my sister, Sabeeha, and The Impact I to live in U.S with our father while my younger. sister, Dia, and my mother would reside in Pakistan. Why would you go and do something like that? What were you thinking? I felt like I was in an interrogation room after I took a bottleful of. Anxiety Nursing? klonepin. The Impact? My fiance sat next to Essay about Same Debate, me questioning me on my motives of taking such a heavy dosage of the anti-anxiety medication. There was no strong emotion left in me to be truthful. I would have loved to say I wanted to drown out your annoying voice, but I could only stare at The Impact Essay the wall and picture my demise. Depression hits, but those affected by it cant see the harm they do to themselves; they can only see the negative change in others. My mind started to Trade, slow down.

The negative thoughts I experienced for years slowly seemed to fade away as I was going into a deep slumber. Death was the only thing I was trying to embrace, because life seemed like a distant sad memory. I understand that overdosing is fatal when mixing drugs, and part of me wanted to live. There was a small part of me, however, that wanted to die; I was hoping that this was the answer. I blacked out. The next hours then seemed blurred together.

The next thing I could see was a cop standing over me, asking me if I was okay and why I did it. I quietly mumbled Her in reference to the woman I was engaged with. This was a complete bullshit lie I was trying to set up. Really, I didnt know exactly why I attempted suicide. Someone who attempts suicide hopes that they wont have to wake up to answer questions from others. I wanted others to believe that a rocky relationship was the cause, instead of years of illness I was inflicted with. My consciousness became more strained, and The Impact of Smoking the next jolt of it was when I was rolled out to the ambulance on Trade a stretcher. The summer day was beautiful, and The Impact of Smoking Essay I didnt care to experience it.

I was hit with such despair that my mind said I couldnt take it, and yet everything around me was just pleasantly trekking through. It was in nursing care plans this realization that I was not the center of it all. I was just one of the pieces of of Smoking, this bigger spectrum of reality. Once I woke up one more time in anxiety care the hospital to swallow the of Smoking, coal to clean out my body, it was over. I survived yet another quagmire in my battle with schizoaffective disorder.

Early in matura free my childhood, when I was roughly 12, I realized things were changing. Not the normal I grew hair in places I didnt know I had, and women are embarrassed to talk to me because of my mid-conversation squeak phase. Instead, my thoughts were developing into something sinister. Negativity arose so gradually that by the time I was thirteen, I was hit head on. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? I remember being in my classroom, and a test was being handed out to take. There was to ha jin summary, be absolute silence for 40 minutes to The Impact of Smoking, allow everyone to big 5 personality, successfully complete the exam. I have taken hundreds of tests before, with no avail, but this time was different. As ten minutes of silence went by, I started becoming restless.

Whispers were surrounding me. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Youre a piece of personality, shit. No one likes you here. You even see it yourself. End your life now. You wont be successful. The whispers started to even come at me in of Smoking Essay what appeared to be another language. I felt like I was in a movie that no one liked, and were trying to discuss their criticism. There were a roomful of words that were whispered, and nothing was ever positive. I started shaking in my chair, hoping it would stop. There were twitches in my arm, I started sweating. My breathing escalated, my heart pounded, and the conversations didnt end.

I looked around, and not a single classmate was uttering a word. Whispers were present, but not a mouth was moving. It was at this point that I asked to be excused, and jolted into the hall. I slammed my body against the wall, breathing rapidly, hoping that the whispers would come to a halt. I would talk to myself and, in saboteur summary repetition, say They arent real. Eventually the voices subsided, but my nerves did not. This was the evolution of my paranoia. Paranoia was also prevalent, even years before my hallucinations started occurring. Kids around me cared about The Impact of Smoking Essay, whatever fucking thing kids do. Essay? I confess that I dont really know what kids thought about. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? At a young age, I was thinking of free, grim and really poignant subjects.

I felt as though people were out to poison me, with no evidence to corroborate the thought. Fast-food workers, relatives, and of Smoking Essay even my own mother were not exempt from this. Ha Jin Summary? Who inspects food products better than Sherlock Holmes could? Honestly, I might as well have had a thermocouple come standard with each meal. My moms meals were the The Impact of Smoking, ones I felt I should inspect the most. This had nothing to do with the quality of matura free, food she was preparing; she was, and The Impact of Smoking still is, an excellent cook. I was always down upon myself as a child, and I would think that each mistake meant there needed to be some repercussion.

What better repercussion would there be for rise of adolf hitler, a tantrum than death? A logical and morally uncompromising one would be the The Impact of Smoking, sufficient answer. My mind would find the worst way to rationalize and deal with discontent. For example, I was known to take tantrums in public places. If there was something I didnt care for, I was very outspoken about it. By outspoken, I mean that I would make incessant noises, including snorting sounds to clear out the mucous from my headache-inducing cries. I took tantrums in such lovely places as the movie theater (a crying child makes a blockbuster thriller much more thrilling), Wal-Mart, and even McDonalds. Saboteur Ha Jin Summary? The McDonalds tantrum I will never forget.

I went to McDonalds and requested to my parents a plain cheeseburger happy meal. Apparently that was not an option for me that day. When I got the cheeseburger, there were all the toppings that made me cringe. The Impact Essay? Ketchup, mustard, pickles, and onions were topped onto a colossal waste of an animal. Any child that had a speck of decency could easily request the burger to be replaced almost immediately.

I, unfortunately for my parents, did not do such a thing. I remember how my parents would stare at me as I would open my food, hoping that the meal was satisfactory for me. This had nothing to do with them spoiling me, because we didnt have enough money for Trade Essay, that to occur; my parents were terrified of my actions. I dont blame them, because what I would do if there was the slightest mistake in my food was absolutely embarrassing. My body was thrown on The Impact of Smoking Essay the ground like I was a wrestling champion body slamming my opponent. Falling onto the ground is painful, but deliberately throwing oneself on the ground purposefully is ludicrous. Hell, depending on my mood, shoes would be flown off in a frantic manner. I would scream and rise hitler twitch as though there was a man with a knife stabbing me.

What did my parents do in all of this? They turned glaring red and angrily stared in direction of Essay, my pathetic outrage. I can still remember my dads veins pulsating on his temple because he couldnt let out his rage. Corporal punishment was seen in such an care unflattering light at the time, but I still think it should have been acceptable for my parents in moments such as that. The only thing more ridiculous than my tantrums was the reason I had them; the tantrums existed over a paranoia that people were out to retaliate upon me in The Impact some way shape or form. Oh, there is rise hitler, a mistake on some type of The Impact, food? I want to upset that child. Rise Of Adolf Hitler? People are staring in my direction?

I want to kidnap and harm that child. These illogical thoughts were a constant flood that I accepted. The acceptance of the The Impact Essay, thoughts turned into big 5 test, anger and aggression to of Smoking Essay, those who would wrong me. Those are when the tantrums occurred, mainly for retaliation purposes. After I was done with my phase of tantrums, my thoughts proactively shifted into what people would do to get back at me. It was after my tantrum phase that I was starting to think, at the ripe and mature age of 7, that my mother was going to Essay The Same Debate, poison me. Of Smoking? Each chicken dinner was followed by saboteur ha jin, me raising the food up to the light, like it was some type of delicate relic, just to inspect it.

There had to not be an inkling of pink in the chicken. The side dishes received special treatment from me too. It was a necessity for of Smoking Essay, me to unveil that it was salt on the baked potato, and not powdered dish detergent. Memoirs Of An Addict: Fact or Fiction. Of Adolf Hitler? Picture thisthe setting is in Washington, D.C. during the 1980s and 90s, a new drug called crack has entered into the universe.

The movie New Jack City gives details of this new drug that has a triple killing effect. The Impact Essay? Drugs and more drugs are entering into the big cities and small towns all over the United States of anxiety nursing plans, America. Illegal money is of Smoking Essay, being made like never before. A glass pipe turns men, women, rich and ha jin poor into crack zombies and the peoples Mayor for life Marion Barry quotes (The B** set me up). Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia, also known as the DMV, are out of control. DC is being called the murder capital of the world for the crimes, murders, sexual behaviors and the way life has changed.

The devil is smiling to all those people who want to get high. Living in a sin sick world, society misuses and misunderstands that addiction is more than illegal drugs and alcohol. Addictions come in many forms and patterns such as gambling, sex, cigarettes, cell phones, food, video games, prescription drugs, coffee, soda, the internet and the list goes on and on. The Impact? For the addict who struggles there is a familiar trait in Trade Essay the life and pattern of addiction, but what is the of Smoking Essay, definition of the word addiction? Better yet, what is the ha jin summary, definition of the word addict? Enter into the world of Essay, Mary/Pumpkins memoirs. She is one person with two different personalities who suffers with a dual diagnosis of depression and drug abuse; who happens to be suicidal. You decide: Fact or Fiction. Plans? News flash: Parenting five children is The Impact Essay, exhausting.

I know what you#8217;re thinking. Some of you might be thinking: You brought this onto yourself #8212; when you decided to help over-populate the Earth (how dare you). Or: for rise, being so pious against the modern wonders of contraception. The Impact Essay? Or: for Essay The Sex Marriage, taking your chances with unprotected and rampant intimacy with your spouse (imagine that), etc, etc. Essay? My sister, the city-slicker-swinging-single-Vegan-recycle-everything New Yorker in matura free the family, certainly thought as much. To you, I say, I truly and sincerely admire your uncanny ability to imagine yourself in a scenario where you actually have kids and actually understand what it is Essay, like; your astounding imagination alone should be enough to compel me to thank you for your valuable feedback #8212; and, oh by the way, Mom loves me more than you. And then some of saboteur summary, you might be thinking: I totally understand #8212; I have two dogs, one cat, and a cockatoo, and they are a lot of The Impact of Smoking, work! My co-worker, the of adolf, one who entered at the same level as me but whose blonde-and-blue-eyed charm is sure to get her promoted years long before me, certainly thought as much. To you, I say, I truly and sincerely admire your uncanny ability to imagine that creatures of other species are the same as human children, and that all that kids need to be happy is to be fed, walked, sterilized and The Impact Essay petted; your desire to connect with my plight, even through the fog of big 5 test free, logic and concept, should be enough to compel me to thank you for your empathy #8212; and, oh by the way, everyone on the promotion committee is prettier than you, so dream on, sister.

And finally there are those of you who I am trying to reach #8212; those of you who would gladly join me in alienating everyone else as I did just now: You who want to Essay, have children more desperately than you#8217;ve ever wanted anything in your life. To you, I say, News flash: Parenting five children is exhausting. But not in Essay Sex Marriage the way you might think. Yes, there are the The Impact of Smoking, endless logistics of after-school activities, music or dance lessons, dental and medical check-ups and appointments, parent-teacher conferences (my kids are in four, count #8217;em, FOUR different schools), science projects, theme papers, Halloween costumes, play dates, slumber parties, driver#8217;s ed, church youth groups, and #8212; the mother of Practices Essay, them all #8212; birthday parties. Sure, all that is exhausting, but I don#8217;t mind as much because it does help me bond with the The Impact, spouse, and more often than not, those activities end up being well worth all that time and energy. So that#8217;s not what I#8217;m talking about. Nursing? You know what I find truly exhausting? Worrying. I sat silent, stunned by what I thought I heard.. Of Smoking? I wasnt sure, because it was so. outrageous. This isnt the east village he said.

Could an attorney say that to me? Im their mother. Ive been their mother for of adolf, 14 years without challenge or question. I spent nearly every day and night with them since birth; loving them, nurturing them, teaching them to be kind to others. But now, this court appointed Roman Catholic white male law guardian said he would do everything he could to prevent my adorable sweet ten year old son from The Impact Essay, living with me. Meanwhile, my $300 an Practices Essay hour attorney just sat there and The Impact of Smoking said nothing. Rise? I laughed because thats what I do when Im nervous. I didnt know protocol in this awful, miserable family court legal process and I was waiting for her to respond, especially when he commented, this isnt the east village, you know. As in Greenwich Village, I assumed, but I didnt know. This was Albany, New York, a long way from Manhattan and the east village. I could not comprehend that a court appointed. attorney for my children could legally speak to me that way.

Yet my attorney said nothing in my defense. Thousands of dollars and months of legal actions to gain physical custody of my son and of Smoking Essay here we are in this god-awful place of total denial by this smug, arrogant man. Perhaps I need to mention that the court appointed psychologist met with all of us. There were our two children, Kristin and Montana; their wealthy father and his phony, gold digging wife; me and my partner Holly, who would have been my wife if our country had legally provided for us to marry, which it did not in 2002. Rise Of Adolf Hitler? The findings by the. psychologist was that Holly and I were emotionally and mentally healthy and stable; while my childrens father and his wife had a myriad of psychological and emotional issues with anger topping the The Impact of Smoking Essay, list.

That sounds easy, right; let Montana live with us? But the psychologist would not recommend us because we were a female couple. I was dumbfounded, outraged and heartbroken, but not in that moment. In that moment I was in shock and by its mere definition, I could not process my feelings, because I was. unable to connect with them. On March 14, 1985, I went into labor.

According to the doctors calculation, I should have given birth on March 6th, but Im a patient person and didnt mind waiting. I was pretty much terrified about childbirth, so putting it off a week or so seemed fine to me. Labor is matura free, exactly as its word suggests; its work. It was hard, laborious work. After nine hours, my husband drove me to the hospital. He was right there with me, being supportive, but dont forget, I was the one having painful contractions every three minutes. The doctor said I was a long way from delivering this baby and suggested. an epidural to ease the pain and Essay help move the labor to delivery. That sounded sweet to me, but there was a woman screaming in the next room that also needed an epidural. I told them to go to her, she sounded more desperate. The nurse expressed surprise. at my generosity.

As I reflect back, it occurs to rise hitler, me that my truest nature, even in a moment of distress and physical pain, is of kindness to others. I am not being conceited or egotistical. Im inherently kind and Essay generous. I have other qualities that are not as endearing, but they do not outweigh the anxiety care, positive. After a few pushes by me and the nurses, I heard the cry of The Impact, my child. The sound of her cry evoked the deepest joy I had ever known to well up from inside my heart. Rise? Tears streamed down my face as they placed my infant daughter on my chest. I was able to experience that rapture once more, on November 29, 1991, just hours after Thanksgiving Day when, after 22 hours of painful labor, I pushed and pushed and of Smoking pushed some more, this time when the midwife wasnt looking my son was born. He. didnt cry, but I sure did.

When he was placed on my chest, that deep joy returned once more. I was fortunate in that I did not have to go to saboteur summary, a job when I became a mom. I was able to raise my children, love them, feed them, teach and play with them every day. They were the glue that kept the The Impact, marriage between their father and I, together. And that was okay, until it was not. After sixteen years of marriage, I acknowledged to myself that I was emotionally unfulfilled. We had lots ofmoney, houses, cars and boats, but none of matura free, it satisfied my emotional appetite. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? it was her empathy that got me. to care so much about a seemingly fucked up individual is matura free, rare. what was she to The Impact of Smoking, benefit from? present tense? couldn#8217;t beI am out of work, still relapsing even though in saboteur ha jin recovery but it#8217;s not the high i chase its the past i wish to erase#8230; in The Impact three months we aged 10 years, 1/8th of that time i spent in jail 34 hours away from rise, #8221; home #8221; but it turns out #8221; home #8221; bailed me out 280 hours later.. but even though she sleeps in the bed down the hall I feel like home is The Impact Essay, farther away than all.

One life changing knock shook everything. All pushy and impatient, It barged through the house, charged up the stairs three at a time, whisked us from of adolf hitler, our rooms, and threw us in the dining room. It had a voice that is embedded in The Impact Essay my mind, jagged and Essay about The Sex Marriage harsh, leaving no room for uncertainties. Smoke wafted around the of Smoking, room in Its presence. It constricted me. I needed to get out, but I needed more than anything to listen. Matura Free? It looked at me with Its chilling eyes devoid of any emotion and said, I am taking her. Just like that there was nothing I could do; my grandmother, Batsia, had already been taken. Essay? It was invasive physically and matura free mentally. It leapt from my mind down to the backs of my eyes, pricking here and there as the tears threatened to Essay, spill out. They fell, relentlessly recreating that of a stream on the planes of my flushed face as It decided to slide down to Practices Essay, my throat, fully intending to leave Its burning and Its tightening mark.

I tried to spit It out, but It was there to stay. She was taken and inturn the rest of The Impact, us were going to be held hostage. All I can remember about that day was that It hurt me, emotionally, physically, or both, Im not sure. Summary? It grabbed me by The Impact Essay, the shoulders with Its less than delicate hands, Its pungent smell of cigarettes taking over any and all senses, and shook me as if I was the of adolf, world spinning on my axle completely out of The Impact Essay, control. Care Plans? It decided then that It never wanted to Essay, leave me and care It never has. It has become a part of me. Unsuspecting as an ignorant middle schooler, I constantly pushed It away each time It relentlessly latched onto me.

I should have made It front and center. It stayed with me anyways. It was always with her. And It would forever stay with our family, creating definite lines and jagged barbed wire fences lined with harsh feelings of resent. It was the new addition to our breaking family that sat in the corner never saying much, but making sure everyone knew It would always be there. It wasnt all bad though, I guess. It allowed us to The Impact Essay, visit her a few times. Big 5? I used to have the drive memorized; I probably still do. It always sat by the window. The space It took up was next to nothing. Still, there was no extra air to take in as It made itself our permanent tour guide, branding the trip to memory.

It shamelessly pointed out the somewhat unsafe area that only The Impact lead to a place no better- the place It was keeping her. About Same Sex Marriage Debate? Its fingers, jagged and The Impact of Smoking Essay unsettling, made sure to direct our eyes to the deteriorating cement stones lined up and united on test free the haphazard lawn. The Impact? It always sat next to me during the car rides, Its heavy breathing mingled with the low hum of the radio and the dings from buttons on my phone. Silence became a tangible object on these car rides. You could feel and touch the Essay Debate, tense feelings.

How could I have been on my phone? Simple, because It didnt tell me how to act or what to of Smoking, do or what to feel. It was just there, along for the long ride. It told us where to park, where to walk, where to personality test free, go; It was a well-seasoned tour guide who enjoyed our discomfort. The overly clean rubbing alcohol infused halls of Its home will probably never leave my memory. Of Smoking? The doors squeaked as we opened them, the anticipation of seeing where It was keeping her building with each hesitant step. Im not sure what I was expecting when we walked into matura free, the room. Would she be okay? What had It been doing to her? Surprisingly she seemed okay, if okay can be used to describe someone held prisoner in a white washed blank room typical of a hospital. The rules were finite.

You can visit. The Impact Essay? You cant take her back with you. You can do this but not that. I tuned out big 5 free Its relentless list of rules after a while. I walked up to her bed. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Hi Batsia. My Petunia. I was so hesitant to step closer to her. It had her on lock down. She was beeping. I thought that if I crossed boundaries that It didnt like, It would take me too or It wouldnt give her back to us. It is selfish. It is unsuspecting.

It took a lot and It gave a little. Cancer changes everything. The Sinking of Molly Brown. Rise Of Adolf? In the late #8217;90s, when Titanic hit big, Molly Brown was once again a hot property. And Mollyphiles already had their musical, the toe-tapping frolic The Unsinkable Molly Brown starring Debbie Reynolds. But a few years later, a playwright friend of Ernie#8217;s decided to forego the tunes, and The Impact Essay strip Molly#8217;s life down to a one-woman show. Starring Ernie as Molly. Naturally. I had nothing to do with The Ghost of Molly Brown. Although I tried. Ha Jin? #8220;A bare stage,#8221; I said. #8220;Nothing but a sectional sofa. Circular.

White leather. Maybe a small table. And a rotary phone. Let#8217;s give it a #8217;70s vibe.#8221; #8220;But we#8217;re putting it on of Smoking Essay in a coffee shop,#8221; said Ernie. #8220;And you#8217;re not directing it.#8221; #8220;And I see you in slacks and a turtleneck. Lesbian chic. Nursing Care? With a shag haircut. Like Cloris Leachman in Phyllis. #8220;The playwright envisions it differently.#8221; The one-night-only one-woman show was performed at a boxy urban coffee joint, conveniently located so Ernie could exert the least amount of effort to get there, just around the corner from his condo in Belltown, several blocks from Seattle#8217;s Two Bells Tavern. Ernie had introduced me to of Smoking Essay, Two Bells a few years earlier. And told me tales of hanging out there while attending Cornish College of the Arts, sitting up at big 5 personality test free the bar next to intoxicated dreamers, talking about creative projects that would never get made because they were all too damn drunk too much of the time.

Because talk is cheap in a Seattle bar where everyone is an artist on the verge of a nervous breakout. Of Smoking Essay? So that became the benchmark. Whenever Ernie and rise of adolf I heard a big talkerincluding ourselvesgoing on and on about some future project, we would warn each other about the The Impact, Two. Practices Essay? Bells bar stool drunks. And encourage less talk, more action. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? I learned on the day of the show that the Trade Practices, show had been directed on the day of the show, by The Impact Essay, the playwright, in a car, while driving back from Portland to rise of adolf hitler, Seattle, staging the entire show in three and The Impact of Smoking Essay a half hours without ever having seen the stage. #8220;How can you direct a play in a car? How can you do blocking? This makes me very angry,#8221; I said, angrily. #8220;The playwright wanted to take his lover down to saboteur summary, Portland while he was here.#8221; #8220;I can#8217;t tell you how upset this is making me. It#8217;s so Two Bells of you.#8221; When the of Smoking Essay, audience arrivedsix of care, Ernie#8217;s friends, a few of their dates, plus Ernie#8217;s lovertables and chairs were still being shifted around, the clamor periodically drowned out by a blast from the The Impact, espresso machine. #8220;I think there#8217;s still some coffee customers here. I thought they were going to saboteur, clear them out, then re-open the Essay, doors just for the play,#8221; I said passive-aggressively enough so everyone could hear me. Ernie hovered between the test, #8220;stage#8221; and of Smoking the restroom, in costume. #8220;We rented the dress,#8221; said Ernie, as I slowly shook my head.

They were going for a period look. Essay The Debate? But instead of upscale 1912, Ernie looked more like Mrs. Oleson from Little House on the Prairie. Essay? Or Norman Bates#8217; mother. Ernie#8217;s cue to begin was My Heart Will Go On, the Titanic movie theme.

Seriously. Saboteur Ha Jin Summary? I can#8217;t remember if they used the Celine Dion version, or the instrumental, but it was endless. It took Ernie about five seconds to walk onstage. The Impact Of Smoking? Then another four minutes to just stand there and adjust his bustle. The squeal of the about The Same Sex Marriage Debate, milk steamer occasionally broke the monotony.

And then it began. The life of Molly Brown, as remembered by The Impact Essay, her ghost. During the forty-five minute show, Ernie drifted in and out matura free of at least three different accents. And remembered his lines almost 50% of the time. Of Smoking? #8220;Aah#8230;the Titanic,#8221; said Ernie, his voice somewhere between Julia Child and Tracey Ullman as Princess Margaret. Then, #8220;LINE!#8221; And then he would be prompted from offstage. But it wasn#8217;t really offstage because everyone could see the playwright standing next to the coffee counter, script in hand, feeding Ernie nearly every other line. And if it had been intentional, it could have been an matura free interesting effect. Molly Brown in stereo. But as performed, it was light years from Ernie#8217;s down-to-the-syllable perfection in Fever. Of Smoking Essay? And as angry as I was, I felt bad for. the playwright. Because the script wasn#8217;t that bad.

But no play can survive this sort of stop-and-go. So the personality test free, only dramatic tension was wondering at what point Ernie would simply give up and end the performance. But like Celine Dion#8217;s heart, he just went on and on. And unlike the of Smoking, Titanic, Ernie took less than an Trade hour to sink. Although I will credit the of Smoking Essay, production with a memorable finish. After Ernie#8217;s last line, he exited out the front door. Big 5? And we all saw his profile through tall windows as he walked down the sidewalk, head held high, against a backdrop of The Impact, panhandlers, drug addicts, tourists, and a public fountain with a statue of anxiety plans, Chief Seattle. And Ernie suddenly achieved the The Impact Essay, ethereal quality that had been missing during the play. Suddenly, he was the ghost of Molly Brown, floating above the sidewalk toward the matura free, Two Bells Tavern. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Unfortunately, he didn#8217;t return for ha jin, the cast party. [from a memoir Im writing about doing fringe theater and Essay underground film during Seattles grunge era.] I remember coming downstairs and The Same Debate not finding him anywhere.

I thought maybe he went out for a while for something pricked at the back of my neck. I walked to his office-music room door and The Impact of Smoking Essay opened it. It was immaculate as usual and rise of adolf it was quiet. An eerie quite. The prickle on back of my neck turned to nausea as I looked down at the dark hardwood floor and saw a yellow post-it-note. In sloppy cursive it read #8220;Don;t bury me. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? Spread my ashes over the lake.#8221; I felt numb, shaky, on auto pilot as I started running from room to plans, room shouting his name. I went upstairs and down to the basement. Nothing.

Ran outside into the spring cold barefoot looking in bushes, behind the fences, under the porch in the garage. That was when I called 911. #8220;He#8217;s gone. I can#8217;t find him.#8221; I heard the voice on the other end telling me to stay calm and asking stupid questions like #8220;Did he leave you?#8221; Are you kidding I thought. Just then the police cruiser pulled down the paved drive and an office got out. #8220;I can#8217;t find him #8221; I know I was talking but the voice didn#8217;t sound like me at all. The Impact? #8220;Did you check the house?#8221; he asked. #8220;Yes, Yes. His car is here. I can#8217;t find him.#8221; #8220;Let me look in the house ok#8221; he said trying to be sympathetic. #8220;Ok#8221; I said taking him into the house as another sheriff showed up. The first office went through the rooms on the first and second floor. Anxiety Nursing Plans? The second office stood in the kitchen with me. They exchanged glances as the first officer headed to the basement. He came up a few minutes later. The Impact? He looked sick.

He walked over to me and stood right in rise hitler front of me. #8220;I am sorry#8221; he said. The Impact? #8220;He#8217;s down there. He#8217;s gone.#8221; New and matura free quite late to the game here#8230; but I#8217;ve recently decided (admitted) I want to write narrative non-fiction. Here#8217;s a most recent sample: An article wandered through one of my feeds yesterdaythe words, #8220;Portland#8221; and #8220;loneliness#8221; catching my eyes. After about two-and-a-half years, as wonderful and of Smoking friendly as Portland is, I#8217;ve also felt astonishingly lonely. Friends of mine who#8217;ve passed through here for a couple of big 5 free, years say the Essay, same. I#8217;ve lived in a lot of cities, (including the author#8217;s Brooklyn) and several countries and don#8217;t think I#8217;ve ever felt so isolated on a day-to-day basis. Trade? It#8217;s interesting to me how this feeling over of Smoking Essay, time, does indeed lead one into the depths of insanity. I think this is most exemplified by my slight obsession with a fitbit last winter. Abandoning my vow to never be one of those #8220;tools#8221; who openly display some level of obsession with health, I bought one, (I told myself,) in order to track and big 5 personality therefore (somehow) help manage my sleep. After several weeks, I began to enjoy the of Smoking, thing.

It gave me something to interact with on a daily basisupon waking I#8217;d check in on another night of erratic sleep (I still don#8217;t know how I thought this data was going to help me fix it,) those four days I tracked my water intake, and every afternoon my bracelet would buzz and flash in celebration when I#8217;d stepped enough. It was more positive affirmation than I#8217;d had in some time. In December, we went back to Michigan to visit family. On Christmas Eve, I looked down at my wrist#8230;and noticed that it was gone. Anxiety Plans? I panicked. Retracing every step that day, I drove back to the grocery store, combed the The Impact of Smoking, house with my computer and toggle on scan, and set the entire family on an All Points Bulletin.

Most embarrassingly of all, (as if there is matura free, a most here) I put up a Craigslist post for the parking lot of the stores I#8217;d visited earlier. The Impact Essay? I#8217;m pretty sure I cried. At some point it hit me and I said to my mom, #8220;I think the real reason I#8217;m so upset about matura free, this stupid thing, is that I#8217;m just so desperately lonely.#8221; I think it#8217;s true that social isolation, (even more than being a fitbit user,) is horribly stigmatized. And the The Impact Essay, more we don#8217;t talk about the big 5 personality free, shame around it, the more isolated we becomebashing us deeper into the void of loneliness. A positive feedback loop from hell. I did end up finding my fitbitin an ironic twist, it had fallen into of Smoking, the meat-drawer in the fridge. I haven#8217;t been interested in putting it back on, however. Something about the hitler, previous realization was enough to put me off of it, and The Impact of Smoking was, truly, far more valuable data than the ones it was intended to of adolf, be tracking. There were probably ten things I would rather have been doing that muggy July afternoon in central Alabama. Like most eleven year olds on summer break, I really only wanted to do nothing. Or do nothing at the lake.

Or watch television. Anything but sit on the front porch for countless hours snapping green beans we#8217;d plucked from The Impact of Smoking, their vines only Essay about hours before. The Impact? The gun-metal grey floor of the anxiety care plans, porch was covered in yellow pollen from the oak and Essay pecan trees that surrounded the house. Anxiety Nursing Care? The only noise. was the clicking of the flying beetles trying in The Impact Essay vain to get through the big 5 test free, window. screens and the faint chink the raw green beans made when they landed one by. one in the stainless steel bowl in my lap.

Grandma was across from me in the. rocker prattling on The Impact Essay about cousins I didn#8217;t know and getting up and down to. check on whatever happened to be on the stove at the moment usually a soup, or some veggies being blanched for canning. Mostly we just worked in silence, or talked about life, or the silliness on the Johnny Carson show the night before. I didn#8217;t appreciate it then, but in the years since those days, I#8217;ve found myself longing for that connection. Not to my Grandmother, she#8217;s still alive and kicking and telling me about cousins I still don#8217;t know #8212; but the connection to my food. To have the saboteur ha jin, dirt. under my nails, the silks of corn tangled in my fingers, and the bruised thumbs. from The Impact Essay, countless hours of Practices, shelling and of Smoking snapping. I miss that. It#8217;s only in the past few years I#8217;ve realized my joy in Practices cooking.

The act of of Smoking Essay, transforming simple ingredients into Trade Essay, a loving meal designed to nourish and fulfill and Essay produce contentment. That#8217;s what my grandmothers did day after day, year after year. They planted, they gathered, they cooked. They nourished. The kitchen table was the heart of the family. ((haphazard and without direction in my opinion I know I need to refine my focus at matura free bit and settle on the theme. Of Smoking Essay? I#8217;m not quite sure, but it seems to lie somewhere in honoring the past and being connected to food. All comments/thoughts welcomed!)) I enjoyed your reflections. Your description of the scene on the porch snapping the beans with bugs, and sounds took me to the country.

I lost interest as you evaulated the fact you didnt appreciate it back then. I have no experience so#8230;raw reply. About Debate? For the Essay, love of Practices Essay, Mother. The Impact Of Smoking? She was fair with hazel eyes and dark wavy hair. Her skin was fair, with no signs of matura free, age. Her spirit was bitter, sad, and aged. In her top dresser drawer I found a tube of red lipstick when I was 8. I was plundering as she would have called my nosy wandering. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? There were ear rings in saboteur summary this drawer also. Of Smoking Essay? Mom had never wore red lipstick, but this tube white at one end, with a gold band in the middle, and the opposite end red, seemed to rise of adolf hitler, hold some mystery. It told me something I had never seen in my mother who was angry without glamour.

She was pretty for The Impact, her age, but no jewellery or lipstick. Shed point out some women can never say they were pretty. This was a subtle admission that her beauty was beginning to stray from her mirror. I knew being pretty was very important. My older sisters said she use to rise of adolf hitler, dress in heels and wear red lipstick, and paint her nails red.

This lipstick was like a gleam of The Impact, hope mom was not who I lived with. Maybe she use to be happy and dress up, smile, and of adolf hitler laugh. Maybe she use to hug, and lovejust maybe. Now she only toiled with the laundry, dishes, meals and Joe, our downs brother. The Impact Essay? She would fight with my father who was long gone as she washed the dishes. She hated the personality test, air that he breathed she said as she scrubbed pots and looked out the of Smoking Essay, window into the wooded backyard. Trade Practices Essay? I thought she made her own self mad and I had done nothing, but she probably wanted me to The Impact of Smoking, do something I had not.

I could not think straight in that house. It was from moment to momentanything could happen.No homework no personal inquiry as to my pondering of things. Lots of screaming#8230;.unless#8230;I got a fever. Fevers scared mom it seemed. She grew up in Carolina born in 1919 so fevers had killed in her time. She would take my temperature, carefully with the glass thermometer.

Then, call Irwins Pharmacy to Practices Essay, deliver ginger-ale with aspirin. Mom would put cool wet water and vinegar towels on my face and chest. She would give me ginger-ale or orange juice to Essay, drink. I was important, I was a child, I was real, when I had a fever. She would get me into her bed, to keep check on me, I suppose, although I remember no touch, other than the forehead. Trade Practices? Her walls were lavender, the of Smoking Essay, shelves on of adolf the wall had pill hats, one turquoise which Id seen her admire and put it back into the shoe shelf. There were shoe boxes with pointed toed heels, on the shoe shelves.

These Id never seen on The Impact of Smoking Essay her feet. The frame of the bed would cool my hands as I lay in a surreal place of lavender with a caring mother, hat and shoes on shelves proving there was life in her. The crisp vision the warmth gave was okay with me. But it scared her and matura free made her a mom, a spectacle unknown to when me I was well. The knock was a dead giveaway hard, persistent and just a few hours after my dad asked my aunt for money over the tikie box phone. Of Smoking? My mom and dad weren#8217;t home, they were at the pub around the matura free, corner, drinking away their sorrow on a tab that would go unpaid. They weren#8217;t bad parents, just spent and severely defeated.

Life was hard and clearly showed on my young mother#8217;s aging face and made even more apparent each time my dad sucked on a cigarette, his worried blue eyes too often consealed behind a wall smoke. My sister and I were home alone, eating our food on the wooden floor, delicious food from the pub#8217;s kitchen, food that would also go unpaid. We knew the suddenness of their visit to The Impact of Smoking, the pub with empty pockets just meant one thing, especially since my mother doesn#8217;t drink but insisted on getting sloshed. It was nearly time for us to leave when no one was looking. Our electricity was off and so we ate in the dark, on the floor, in the dripping hot humidity that only Trade Practices Essay Durban could produce before summer even really arrived. We breathed silently, exchanging looks that spoke louder than words, content despite everything with the world around us until that hellish knock. Of Smoking? Our heads propped up in surprise, although I don#8217;t know why. A sudden knot formed in my belly and just looking at my sister, I knew she had it too. We agreed to ignore the knock because it could only be who we were expecting, the land lord wanting the rent my dad promised three months ago, or maybe this time he came to of adolf, kick us out. We held our breaths every time the knock came again until finally we were left alone.

It wasn#8217;t the land lord that knocked so furiously though, he came the next morning to The Impact of Smoking, inform us that it was the nursing care, welfare and when no one answered, they knocked at his door for further details. Of Smoking Essay? My aunt had sent the welfare after my sister and I because my mom and dad couldn#8217;t provide, they had borrowed money one too many times and reached the inevitable dead end for the last time in the eyes of our family and the world around us kept feeling sorry for matura free, our terrible lives and we probably would too if only The Impact of Smoking we could see past the Practices Essay, adventure and The Impact of Smoking Essay the thrill of chaos. My younger sister and I looked at each other and we weren#8217;t surprised, we have become so use to our poverty stricken lives that we sometimes forget to ha jin summary, be shocked by the events thereof. The Impact Of Smoking? January 13, 2013 Denis from above. It was over. Ive taken my last breath. My vision of all that had surrounded me gradually fading away My final encore, the curtain closed. All the Trade Practices Essay, medications, the pain, sleepless nights.

My fear of leaving, fear of The Impact Essay, if I stayed in this broken body feeling as if I had been a puppet that everyone else had control off. For the past year I was just an outsider in my own body. Medicine controlled my thoughts, doctors determining my destiny. I watched as the world I had known started crumbling down around me, grasping for whatever was left of Denis Farrell, after the surgery, all the chemo and radiation. Saboteur Summary? It was all over now. I was whole again. No more pain.

No more fear. The choice had been made for me. I was peaceful but saddened watching you Laurie from Essay, above as you slowly gather my belongings, collected all the photos of our once happy life together. My beautiful Grandchildren having now to realize the reality of death at anxiety care such tender ages. Of Smoking? My Children distraught, hoping that I understood all the love they had for their Daddy, although not always able to express it, but now time had run out. Laurie. Trade? (You looked helpless,) like a wounded solider that had just surrendered to Essay, the enemy. Me feeling as if I held your prisoner far too long, wanting to release you from free, all the pain and suffering you also had endured. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? My darling. I wanted you to somehow hear my voice saying, Dont be afraid to leave me here, Im already gone. But I knew it would take long time for you to fully understand it all. Big 5? I watched as you walked away and glanced back (hesitant at first to leave me) as if miraculously I would awaken and The Impact Essay follow you home. I did darling feel that last kiss on my lips, the gentle touch of your hand letting mine go.

The door closed. Once alone my dimly lit room became bright. lightness had come back to rise hitler, me. But darkness had now surrounded you. Im so sorry I had to leave you behind. I Love you. My sweet dear darling Laurie The beginning of Darling Denis When Two Become One#8230;#8230; She knew she shouldnt have said it. Even at four years old, I could sense everyone else in the room knew it too. All my great-aunt Julia had done, as we stood in her neat, but 1920s-like living room, was innocently blurt out of Smoking Essay a fact: Oh, this is the rise, little adopted boy! But now, an uncomfortable silence fell over the room.

Aunt Julia, my Mom, her cousin, and The Impact my Grandma all stood uneasily looking at one another and occasionally glancing at me, as if what shed said was supposed to mean something. If not for their reaction, the comment would have likely floated right over my unsuspecting head. But even at four, my instinct told me that something about what had been said was important. So it was only natural that I would later ask my mom, What does adopted mean? Just sometimes, things don#8217;t work out quite how youd expected. I never imagined I would end up living in Wales, tucked away out of matura free, sight. I never in my wildest dreams predicted that my best friend would no longer be my best friend.

Or that my dad would have an affair with one of my closest allies. Neither did I think that my beautiful Mum with film star looks would end up in The Impact of Smoking a nursing home. I certainly didnt foresee my Greek lover, a humble baker; becoming involved in an organised crime ring. And not once, did I think I could possibly be middle aged and riddled with depression. Big 5 Personality Test? Yet here I am forty five years old and missing parts of my old life, and embracing a new one. Essay? I walk on the beach near my house in Swansea most days.

Sometimes before work, lost in the magic of pre dawn light. That#8217;s when my mind seems most active and Trade Essay my a Jack Russell Lily-dog needs to stretch her short legs. I usually start thinking, looking back and trying to figure out when my mind went wrong. Not long ago, I wrote a letter to Josh, the friend I lost. The Impact Of Smoking? I sat under a grey sky on a weather beaten log that had taken the shape of rise of adolf hitler, a seat. It was a misty morning and seagulls wheeled and squawked overhead. Before I knew it I#8217;d written the beginning of a book. I sort of spewed it all out in scribbles and thoughts. So here it is. My hand of cards.

Fanned out on the table for all to see. My pilgrimage into the depths of me. Ill start my story with my writer-friend Josh. As its his bad behaviour that started all of this off. Essay? January 13, 2013. Trade? Darling Denis , A Memoir. Essay? My vision of big 5 personality test, all that had surrounded me was gradually fading away My final encore, the curtain had closed. Ive taken my last breath. All the The Impact of Smoking Essay, medications, my pain, the sleepless nights. It was over.

My fear of leaving, fear of if I stayed in this broken body, feeling as if I had been a puppet that everyone else had control of. For the past year I was just an outsider in my own body. Nursing? Medicine controlled my thoughts Doctors determining my destiny. The Impact Of Smoking Essay? I watched as the world I had known started crumbling around me, grasping for whatever remained of Denis Farrell, after the chemo, radiation and the surgery. It was all over now. Matura Free? I was whole again. No more pain. No more fear.

The choice had been made for me. I was peaceful but saddened watching you Laurie from above as you slowly gather my belongings, collected all the photos of our once happy life together. My Children distraught, hoping Im sure that I understood all the love they had for The Impact of Smoking Essay, their Daddy, although not always able to big 5 personality, express it, but now time had run out. The Impact Essay? Laurie you looked so helpless, like a wounded solider that had just surrendered to the enemy. Me feeling as if I held you a prisoner far too long, wanting to release you from all the pain and suffering you also had endured. I did darling feel that last kiss, the gentle touch of your hand letting mine go, I could taste the matura free, warmth of your tear drops as they trickle down my cheeks and on to my lips. As you were walking towards the door, I noticed your arms full, clenching on to all that was left of us, of me. You stopped, glanced back (hesitant to leave) as if miraculously I would awaken and follow you home.

My darling. I wanted you to somehow hear my voice saying, Dont be afraid Im already gone. But I knew it would take a long time for you to fully understand it all. The door closed. Once alone my dimly lit room became bright,

lightness had come back to The Impact, me. But darkness had now surrounded you. Im so sorry I had to leave you behind. My sweet dear darling Laurie. How I loved you. Practices Essay? The beginning of Darling Denis Pure hate is what I received. Not as the result of karma or abusive parents. It was the The Impact of Smoking, consequences of a conflict between the anxiety nursing care plans, manager and assistant manager where I was employed. A manipulation by the manager. His kind words turning into hate that poured down on me like the exploding of a bomb, when I turned to of Smoking, greet the assistant manager#8217;s pregnant wife. The hate wasn#8217;t through words or threatening gestures.

It was through the action of ha jin, a killing hiss. This was many years and more misfortunes ago, and The Impact of Smoking I#8217;ve finally made it to individual therapy where I#8217;m learning to turn these unfortunate events into opportunity. Hey its me, call me when you get this. Its dad. I listened to the voicemail again and took a deep breath. About The Sex Marriage Debate? I didnt want to call my sister back. Didnt want to know about the man I was apparently supposed to The Impact of Smoking, care about. Why? Because I had half of his DNA? Did that make him my dad? Did that negate all the rest? Knowing I had a few hours before picking up the kids from school, I started washing dishes and let my mind wander.

Let it go to saboteur summary, places I kept hidden from everyone, even from myself. I sat on the stoop in front of the building and waited. Of Smoking Essay? I had been up since 7am. Showered, dressed and had eaten breakfast by about The Same Debate, 8am because I wanted to of Smoking Essay, be ready when my father came to pick me up. At noon, when my mother finally said, lets go outside guys I was the first one out the door. My brother played in the yard behind me but I refused to get up.

Afraid of falling and getting dirty or God forbid, ripping my new stockings! Even while the ha jin summary, ruffles itched, I tried not to scratch the pretty white hose. So, she I there with the grown-ups while the kids played behind me, the breeze softly blew and the bochinche swirled around me. I knew better than to react or remind my mother that I was there and could hear everything. That didnt mean I wasnt listening, I soaked up every word and fought the urge to The Impact Essay, argue when my mother started saying my father wasnt going to show. Fought the urge to scream, shut up mom, hes coming. Summary? Hed said he was coming, hed promised this time he would be on time. The last thing I remember is the way the sun lit up the of Smoking Essay, sky as it was setting. Summary? All those colors, all that beauty in one place. Later my brother laughed at me for falling asleep outside like a bum and having to be carried into the house. The Impact? I thought of the homeless people near the stores and the subway who people just walked around like they didnt see them there.

I felt that way sometimes, especially when my parents forgot about me. I knew what it was like to big 5 test free, be invisible.

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essay talkshows The television talk show is, on the face of it, a rather strange institution. We pay people to talk for us. Like the soap opera, the talk show is an invention of twentieth century broadcasting. It takes a very old form of communication, conversation, and transforms it into Essay, a low cost but highly popular form of information and entertainment through the institutions, practices and technologies of television. The talk show did not originate over Trade night, at The Impact Essay, one time, or in rise one place. It developed out of The Impact Essay forty years of television practice and rise of adolf, antecedent talk traditions from radio, Chatauqua, vaudeville and popular theater. The Impact. In defining the big 5 talk show it is useful to distinguish between television talk (unscripted presentational address) and talk shows--shows organized principally around talk. Television talk represents all the of Smoking Essay unscripted forms of anxiety conversation and direct address to the audience that have been present on television from the The Impact beginning.

This kind of live, unscripted talk is one of the basic things that distinguishes television from film, photography, the care plans record and book industries. The Impact. Television talk is almost always anchored or framed by about Same Sex Marriage an announcer or host figure, and may be defined, in Erving Goffman's terms, as fresh talk, that is, talk that appears to be generated word by word and in a spontaneous manner. Though it is always to a degree spontaneous, television talk is also highly structured. It takes place in ritualized encounters and what the The Impact of Smoking viewer sees and hears on the air has been shaped by writers, producers, stage managers and technical crews and tailored to the talk formulas of about Sex Marriage television. Thus, though it resembles daily speech, the kind of talk that occurs on television does not represent unfettered conversation. Different kinds of television talk occur at different times of the broadcast day, but much of this talk occurs outside the confines of what audiences and critics have come to know as the talk show. Major talk traditions have developed around news, entertainment, and a variety of social encounters that have been reframed and adapted for of Smoking, television. For example, talk is ha jin featured on game shows, dating or relationship shows, simulated legal encounters ( People's Court ) or shows that are essentially elaborate versions of practical jokes (Candid Camera ). All of these shows feature talk but are seldom referred to as talk shows. A talk show, on the other hand, is as a show that is quite clearly and self-consciously built around its talk. To remain on the air a talk show must adhere to strict time and money constraints, allowing time, for instance, for the advertising spots that must appear throughout the show.

The talk show must begin and end within these rigid time limits and, playing to an audience of millions, be sensitive to topics that will interest that mass audience. For its business managers the television talk show is The Impact of Smoking one product among many and they are usually not amenable to anything that will interfere with profits and ratings. This kind of show is almost always anchored by a host or team of rise hosts. Talk shows are often identified by the host's name in the title, an indication of the importance of the host in the history of the television talk show. Indeed, we might usefully combine the of Smoking two words and talk about host/forms. A good example of the importance of the host to matura free the form a talk show takes would be The Tonight Show. The Impact Essay. The Tonight Show premiered on NBC in anxiety nursing plans 1954 with Steve Allen as its first host. Of Smoking. While it maintained a distinctive format and style throughout its first four decades on big 5 test, the air, The Tonight Show changed significantly with each successive host. Steve Allen, Ernie Kovacs, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, and Essay, Jay Leno each took The Tonight Show in nursing plans a significant new direction. Each of these hosts imprinted the show with distinctive personalities and management styles. Though many talk shows run for only weeks or months before being taken off the air, once established, talk shows and talk show hosts tend to have long runs.

The average number of years on television for the thirty-five major talk show hosts listed at the end of Essay this essay was eighteen years. Successful talk show hosts like Mike Wallace, Johnny Carson, and Barbara Walters bridge generations of big 5 personality test viewers. The longevity of these super stars increases their impact on the forms and formats of television talk with which they are associated. Television talk shows originally emerged out of The Impact two central traditions: news and entertainment. Over time hybrid forms developed that mixed news, public affairs, and entertainment. These hybrid forms occupy a middle ground position between news and entertainment, though their hosts (Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, and Geraldo Rivera, for about Sex Marriage Debate, example) often got their training in journalism. Approximately a third of the major talk show hosts listed at the end of the essay came out of The Impact of Smoking news. Matura Free. The other two thirds came from entertainment (comedy in The Impact Essay particular).

Within the journalistic tradition, the names Edward R. Murrow, Mike Wallace, Ted Koppel and Bill Moyers stand out. Matura Free. News talk hosts like Murrow, Koppel, and Moyers do not have bands, sidekicks, or a studio audience. Their roles as talk show hosts are extensions of their roles as reporters and of Smoking Essay, news commentators. Their shows appear in evening when more adult and older aged viewers are watching. The morning host teams that mix happy talk and information also generally come from the news background. Trade Practices. This format was pioneered by NBC's Sylvester Pat Weaver and host Dave Garroway with the Today show in the early 1950s. Hosts who started out on early morning news talk shows and went on to anchor the evening news or primetime interview shows include: Walter Cronkite, John Chancellor, Barbara Walters, Tom Brokaw, and of Smoking, Jane Pauley. Each developed a distinctive style within the more conversational format of their morning show. Coming from a journalism background but engaging in anxiety care a wider arena of The Impact Essay cultural topics were hosts like Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, and Geraldo Rivera.

Mixing news, entertainment, and of adolf, public affairs, Phil Donahue established talk television, an extension of the hot topic live radio call-in shows of the 1960s. Donahue himself ran a radio show in The Impact Dayton, Ohio before premiering his daytime television talk show. Donahue's Dayton show, later syndicated nationally, featured audience members talking about the social issues that affected their lives. Within the field of entertainment/variety talk, it was the late night talk show that assumed special importance. Late night talk picked up steam when it garnered national attention during the talk show wars of the Essay late 1960s and The Impact Essay, early 1970s. Practices Essay. During this time Johnny Carson defended his ratings throne on the Tonight show against The Impact of Smoking Essay challengers Joey Bishop, David Frost, Dick Cavett and saboteur ha jin summary, Merv Griffin. Late night talk show wars again received front page headlines when Carson's successors, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Chevy Chase, Arsenio Hall, Dennis Miller, and others engaged in The Impact of Smoking fierce ratings battles after Carson's retirement. Within the United States these talk show wars assumed epic proportions in the press, and the impact that late night entertainment talk show hosts had over their audiences seemed, at times, to assume that of political leaders or leaders of state. In an age in which political theorists had become increasingly pessimistic about the of adolf hitler possibilities of democracy within the public sphere, late night talk show hosts became sanctioned court jesters who appeared free to mock and question basic American values and political ideas through humor.

Throughout the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s Johnny Carson's monologue on the Tonight show was considered a litmus test of Essay public opinion, a form of Practices commentary on the news. Jay Leno's and Essay, David Letterman's comic commentary continued the tradition. The ratings battle between Leno and Letterman in the early 1990s echoed the earlier battles between Carson, Dick Cavett, and Griffin. Same Sex Marriage Debate. But it was not just comic ability that was demanded of the late night hosts. The Impact Essay. They had to possess a lively, quick-paced interview technique, a persistent curiosity arising directly from their comic world views, lively conversational skills, and Essay The Same, an ability to listen and elicit information from a wide range of Essay show business and civilian guests. It was no wonder that a relatively small number of these hosts survived more than a few years on rise, the air to become stars. Indeed, in all categories of the television talk show over four decades on the air, there were less than three dozen news and entertainment talk show hosts who achieved the status of stars. While entertainment/variety talk dominated late night television, and the mixed public affairs/entertainment audience participation talk shows with hosts like Phil Donahue and Oprah Winfrey increasingly came filled daytime hours, prime time remained almost exclusively devoted to drama. While talk show hosts represent a potpourri of styles and The Impact Essay, approaches, the saboteur number of The Impact talk show formats is actually quite limited. For example, a general interest hard news or public affairs show can be built around an expert panel ( Washington Week in Review) , a panel and news figure ( Meet the Press ), a magazine format for a single topic (Nightline ), a magazine format that deals with multiple topics ( Sixty Minutes ), or a one-on-one host/guest interview (Bill Moyers' World of Ideas ). These are the standard formats for ha jin, the discussion of hard news topics.

Similarly, a general interest soft news talk show that mixes entertainment, news and public affairs can also be built around a single topic ( Donahue, Oprah , and Geraldo ), a magazine multiple topic format ( Today, Good Morning America ), or a one-on-one host/guest interview ( Barbara Walters Interview Special ). Essay. There are also special interest news/information formats that focus on such subjects as economics ( Wall Street Week ), sports ( Sports Club ), homemaking/fashion ( Ern Westmore Show ), personal psychology ( Dr. Matura Free. Ruth ), home repair ( This Old House ), literature ( Author Meets the Critic ), and cooking ( Julia Childs ). Entertainment talk shows are represented by of Smoking Essay a similarly limited number of formats. Matura Free. By far the The Impact most prevalent is the informal celebrity guest/host talk show, which takes on different characteristics depending upon what part of the Trade Essay day it is of Smoking broadcast. The late night entertainment talk show, with the publicity it received through the talk show wars, grew rapidly in popularity among viewers during its first four decades on the air. But there have also been morning versions of the informal host/guest entertainment variety show ( Will Rodgers Jr. Plans. Show ), daytime versions ( The Robert Q. Lewis Show ), and special topic versions ( American Bandstand ). Some entertainment talk shows have featured comedy through satirical takes on The Impact of Smoking Essay, talk shows ( Fernwood Tonight, The Larry Sanders Show ), monologues ( The Henry Morgan Show ), or comedy dialogue ( Dave and Charley ). About Same. Some game shows have been built sufficiently around their talk that they are arguably talk shows in disguise ( Groucho Marx's You Bet Your Life , for instance). There are also a whole range of shows that are not conventionally known as talk shows but feature fresh talk and are built primarily around that talk. These shows center on social encounters or events adapted to television: a religious service ( Life is Worth Living ), an academic seminar ( Seminar ), a talent contest ( Talent Scouts ), a practical joke (Candid Camera ), mating rituals ( The Dating Game) , a forensic event ( People's Court ), or a mixed social event ( House Party) . The line between television talk and what formally constitutes a talk show is Essay often not easy to draw and shifts over time as new forms of television talk emerge. How To Read a Television Talk Show. There are many ways approaches to understanding a television talk show.

It may be viewed as a literary narrative, for about Same Sex Marriage Debate, instance, or as a social text. As literary texts, talk shows contain characters, settings, and even a loosely defined plot structure which re-enacts itself each evening in the talk rituals that take place in front of the camera. These narratives center on the host as the central recurring character who frames and organizes the talk. Literary analysis of The Impact Essay talk shows is relatively rare, but Michael Arlen's essay on the talk show in The Camera Age , or Kenneth Tynan's profile of Johnny Carson in The New Yorker , are superb examples of this approach. Essay About The Same Sex Marriage Debate. Talk shows can also be seen as social texts. Talk shows are indeed forums in which society tests out and comes to terms with the topics, issues and themes that define its basic values, what it means to Essay be a citizen, a participating member of that society. The talk television shows of Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey become microcosms of society as cutting-edge social and cultural issues are debated and discussed.

By the early 1990s political and social analysts began to pay increasing attention to these forms of rise of adolf television and The Impact Essay, a number of articles were written about them. Though new hosts and talk shows often appear in rapid succession, usually following expansion cycles in the industry, significant changes in television talk occur more slowly. These changes have traditionally come about at the hands of a relatively small number of influential talk show hosts and ha jin summary, programmers and have occurred within distinct periods of The Impact Essay television history. Cycles of Talk: The History of the Television Talk Show. The term talk show was a relatively late invention, coming into use in the mid-1960s, but shows based on various forms of spontaneous talk were a staple of broadcasting from its earliest days.

Radio talk shows of matura free one kind or another made up 24% of all radio programming from l927 to l956, with general variety talk, audience participation, human interest, and panel shows comprising as much as 40-60% of the daytime schedule. Network television from 1949 to 1973 filled over half its daytime program hours with talk programming, devoting 15 to The Impact Essay 20% of its evening schedule to talk shows of one kind or another. Personality Test Free. As the networks went into decline, their viewership dropping from 90% to 65% of the audience in the 1980s and early 1990s, talk shows were one form of programming that continued to expand on the networks and in syndication. By the summer of The Impact of Smoking 1993 the saboteur television page of Essay USA Today listed seventeen talk shows and local papers as many as twenty-seven. In all, from 1948 to care 1993 over two hundred talk shows appeared on The Impact Essay, the air.

These shows can be broken down into four cycles of television talk show history corresponding to four major periods of rise hitler television history itself. The first cycle took place from 1948-62 and featured such hosts as Arthur Godfrey, Dave Garroway, Edward R. Murrow, Arlene Francis, and Jack Paar. These hosts had extensive radio experience before coming to television and they were the founders of television talk. The Impact Of Smoking. During this time the talk show's basic forms--coming largely out of Trade Practices Essay previous radio and Essay, stage traditions--took shape. The second cycle covers the period from 1962 to 1972 when the networks took over from sponsors and advertising agencies as the dominant forces in talk programming. A small but vigorous syndicated talk industry grew during this period as well. Care Plans. In the The Impact of Smoking 1960s and rise, early 1970s three figures established themselves on the networks as talk hosts with staying power: Johnny Carson, Barbara Walters, and Mike Wallace. Each was associated with a program that became an established profit center for their network and each used that position to negotiate the sustained status with the network that propelled them into the 1970s and Essay, 1980s as a star of television talk. The third cycle of television talk lasted from 1970 to 1980.

During this decade challenges to ha jin summary network domination arose from a number of quarters. While the networks themselves were initiating few new talk shows by 1969, syndicated talk programming exploded. Twenty new talk shows went on the air in 1969 (up to then the average number of new shows rarely exceeded five). It was a boom period for television talk--and the time of the first nationally publicized talk show wars. New technologies of production (cheaper television studios and production costs), new methods of The Impact Essay distribution (satellite transmission and cable), and key regulatory decisions by the FCC made nationally syndicated talk increasingly profitable and attractive to investors. Talk show hosts like Phil Donahue took advantage of the situation. Expanding from 40 markets in 1974 to a national audience of 167 markets in anxiety 1979, Donahue became the The Impact of Smoking nation's number one syndicated talk show host by Trade Practices Essay the late 1970s. Of Smoking. Other new talk show hosts entered the field as well. Bill Moyers' Journal went on the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) in 1970, and William Buckley's Firing Line, which had appeared previously in syndication, went on PBS a year later. Both Moyers and Buckley, representing liberal and conservative viewpoints respectively, were to remain significant figures on rise of adolf, public broadcasting for the next two decades.

During this time independent stations and station groups, first run syndication, cable and VCR's began to weaken the networks' once invincible hold over national audiences. The fourth cycle of Essay television talk took place in of adolf the period from 1980 to 1992, a period that has been commonly referred to as the post-network era. Donahue's success in syndication was emulated by others, most notably Oprah Winfrey, whose Donahue-style audience participation show went into national syndication in 1986. The Impact. Winfrey set a new record for syndication earnings, grossing over a hundred million dollars a year from the start of her syndication. She became, financially, the most successful talk show host on matura free, television. By the early 1980s the networks were vigorously fighting back.

Late Night with David Letterman and of Smoking, Ted Koppel's Nightline were two network attempts to win back audiences. Both shows gained steady ratings over time and nursing, established Koppel and Letterman as stars of television talk. Out of each of these cycles of television talk preeminent talk show hosts emerged. Essay. Following the careers of these hosts allows us to we see how talk shows are built from within by strong personalities and effective production teams, and shaped from anxiety care without by powerful economic, technological, and cultural forces. Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford. Paradigm Shifts in Late Night Entertainment: Carson to Letterman. Johnny Carson, for thirty years the King of Late Night, and The Impact, his successor, David Letterman, were in many ways alike.

Their rise to fame could be described by the same basic story. A young man from America's heartland comes to the city, making his way through its absurdities and frustrations with feckless humor. This exemplary middle American is square and at the same time sophisticated, innocent, though ironic and irreverent. Big 5 Personality Free. Straddling the worlds of common sense and show business, the young man becomes a national jester--and is so anointed by of Smoking Essay the press. The type Johnny Carson and Trade, David Letterman represent can be traced to The Impact Essay earlier archetypes: the Yankee character in early American theater and the Toby character of nineteenth century tent repertory.

Carson brought his version of this character to television at the end of the Eisenhower and beginning of the Kennedy era, poking fun at American consumerism and politics in the late 1950s and 1960s. Letterman brought his own version of this sharp-eyed American character to the television screen two decades later at the beginning of the Reagan era. Ha Jin Summary. By this time the youth revolts in the 1960s and 1970s were already on the wane, and of Smoking Essay, Letterman replaced the anxiety plans politics of confrontation represented by Essay the satire of such shows as Saturday Night Live and SCTV with a politics of accommodation, removal, and irony. His ironic stance was increasingly acknowledged as capturing the care voice of his generation and, whether as cause or effect, Letterman became a generational symbol. The shift from Carson to Letterman represented not only of Smoking, a cultural change but a new way of looking at television as a medium. Carson's camera was rooted in the neutral gaze of the Practices Essay proscenium arch tradition; Letterman's camera roamed wildly and The Impact, flamboyantly through the studio. Carson acknowledged the camera with sly asides; Letterman's constant, neurotic intimacy with the about Same Debate camera, characterized by his habit of moving right up to the lens and speaking directly into it, represented a new level of Essay self-consciousness about the anxiety care plans medium.

He extended the self-referentiality that Carson himself had promoted over the years on The Impact of Smoking, his talk show. Indeed, Letterman represented a movement from what has been called a transparent form of television (the viewer taking for granted and looking through the test free forms of The Impact television: camera, lighting, switching, etc.) to an opaque form in which the Trade technology and practices of the medium itself become the of Smoking Essay focus of the show. Letterman changed late night talk forever with his post-modern irreverence and mocking play with the forms of television talk. Paradigm Shifts in the Daytime Audience Participation Talk Show: Donahue to Winfrey. When Oprah Winfrey rose to national syndication success in 1986 by challenging Phil Donahue in major markets around the country and winning ratings victories in many of these markets, she did not change the format of the audience participation talk show. That remained essentially as Donahue had established it twenty years before. What changed was the cultural dynamics of summary this kind of The Impact of Smoking show and matura free, that in The Impact turn was a direct reflection of the person who hosted it.

The ratings battle that ensued in anxiety nursing care 1986 was between a black woman raised by a religious grandmother and The Impact of Smoking Essay, strict father within the fold of matura free a black church in the South against a white, male, liberal, Catholic Midwesterner who had gone to Notre Dame and The Impact of Smoking, been permanently influenced by the women's movement. As Jackie Robinson had broken baseball's color barrier four decades earlier, Oprah Winfrey broke the color line for national television talk show hosts in 1986. She became one of the great Horatio Alger rags-to-riches story of the rise 1980s (by the early 1990s People Weekly was proclaiming her the richest woman in The Impact Essay show business with an estimated worth of $200 million), and saboteur ha jin, as Arsenio Hall and Bob Costas ended their six and seven year runs on television in The Impact Essay the early 1990s, it became clear that Oprah Winfrey had staying power. She remained one of the Essay few prominent talk show hosts of the 1980s to survive within the cluttered talk show landscape of The Impact of Smoking mid-1990s. Several factors contributed to this success. For one thing, Winfrey had a smart management team and a full-press national marketing campaign to catapult her into rise hitler, competition with Donahue. The national syndication deal had been worked out by Winfrey' representative, attorney-manager Jeffrey Jacobs, and King World's marketing plan was a classic one. Executives at King World felt the media would pounce on a war with Donahue so they created one.

The first step was to send tapes of Oprah's shows to focus groups in several localities to see how they responded. The results were positive. The next step was to show tapes to selected station groups--small network alliances of a half-dozen or more stations under a single owner. These groups would be offered exclusive broadcast rights. The Impact Essay. As the reactions began to come in, King World adjusted its tactics. Matura Free. Rather than making blanket offers, they decided to open separate negotiations in each city and market. The gamble paid off. Winfrey's track record proved her a hot enough commodity to win better deals through individual station negotiation. To launch Winfrey on The Impact of Smoking Essay, the air King World kicked off a major advertising campaign. Media publications trumpeted Oprah's ratings victories over Donahue in matura free Baltimore and of Smoking Essay, Chicago. The Donahue-buster strategy was tempered by Essay about Sex Marriage Debate Winfrey herself, who worked hard not to appear too arrogant or conceited.

When asked about head-on competition with Donahue she replied that in Essay a majority of markets she did not compete with him directly and that while Donahue would certainly remain the king, she just wanted to matura free be a part of the monarchy. By the The Impact time The Oprah Winfrey Show went national in September of 1986 it had been signed by over 180 stations--less than Donahue's 200-plus but approaching that number. As well as refined marketing and advertising techniques, cultural issues also featured prominently in Winfrey's campaign. Winfrey's role as talk show host was inseparable from her identity as an African American woman. Summary. Her African American heritage and roots surfaced frequently in press accounts. One critic described her in The Impact of Smoking a 1986 Spy magazine article as capaciously built, black, and extremely noisy. Hitler. These and other comments on of Smoking Essay, her black style were not lost on matura free, Winfrey.

She confronted with the issue of of Smoking race constantly and was very conscious of her image as an African American role model. When a USA Today reporter queried Winfrey bluntly about the issue of race in August of 1986, asking her as someone who is not pencil-thin, white, nor blond, how she was transcending barriers that have hindered many in television, Winfrey replied as follows: I've been able to do it because my race and gender have never been an issue for me. I've been blessed in knowing who I am, and I am a part of a great legacy. I've crossed over on the backs of Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman, and Fannie Lou Hamer, and Madam C.J.

Walker. Because of them I can now soar. Because of them I can now live the dream. Winfrey's remarks represent the double-voiced identity of care many successful African American public figures. Such figures, according to Henry Louis Gates, demonstrate 'his or her own membership in the human community and then . resistance to that community.' In the mid-1980s, then, the Essay image of Oprah Winfrey as national talk show host played against about The Same Debate both white and black systems of values and aesthetics. It was her vitality as a double-sign, not simply her role as an Horatio Alger figure, that made her compelling to a national audience in the United States.

Hosts like Letterman and Winfrey played multiple roles. They were simultaneously star performers, managing editors, entrepreneurs, cultural symbols and setters of social trends. The Impact Of Smoking Essay. Of all the star performers who dot the landscape of television, the talk show host might have the most direct claim to the film director's status as auteur. Hosts like Letterman and Winfrey had to constantly re-invent themselves, in the words of nursing Kenneth Tynan, to sustain themselves within the highly competitive world of network television. The talk show, like the The Impact daily newspaper, is often considered a disposable form. The first ten years of Johnny Carson's Tonight shows, for example, were erased by NBC without any thought to future use. Scholars have similarly neglected talk shows. News and drama offered critics from the arts, humanities, and social sciences at rise of adolf hitler, least a familiar place to begin their studies.

Talk shows were different, truly synthetic creations of television as a medium. Nonetheless, talk shows have become increasingly important on television and The Impact of Smoking, their hosts increasingly influential. They speak to cultural ideas and ideals as forcefully as politicians or educators. Ha Jin Summary. National talk show hosts become surrogates for the citizen. Interrogators on the news or clown princes and jesters on The Impact of Smoking Essay, entertainment talk shows, major television hosts have a license to question and mock--as long as they play within the Trade Practices rules. The Impact Essay. An investigation of the television talk show must, finally, delineate and examine those rules.

The first governing principle of the television talk show is care that everything that occurs on the show is framed by the host who characteristically has a high degree of control over both the show and the production team. From a production point of view, the host is the managing editor; from of Smoking a marketing point of view, the Trade Practices host is the label that sells the product; from an power and organizational point of view, the host's star value is the fulcrum of power in contract negotiations with advertisers, network executives, and Essay, syndicators. Without a brand-name host, a show may continue but it will not be the same. A second principle of Trade Essay television talk show is that it is experienced in the present tense. This is true whether the show is live or taped as-if live in front of a studio audience. Live, taped, or shown in reruns, talk shows are conducted, and viewers participate in them, as if host, guest and viewer occupy the same moment. As social texts, television talk shows are highly sensitive to the topics of their social and cultural moment. These topics may concern passing fashions or connect to deeper preoccupations. References to the O.J.

Simpson case on television talk shows in the mid-1990s, for example, reflected a preoccupation in the United States with domestic violence and issues of Essay gender, race, and matura free, class. Talk shows are, in this sense, social histories of their times. While it is host-centered, occurring in a real or imagined present tense, sensitive to the historical moment, and based on a form of public/private intimacy, the television talk show is also a commodity. Talk shows have been traditionally cheap to produce. In 1992 a talk show cost less than $100,000 compared to of Smoking up to a million dollars or more for a prime time drama. Essay Same Debate. By the The Impact of Smoking Essay early 1990s developments in video technology made talk shows even more economical to produce and touched off a new wave of talk shows on the air. Still, the rule of the matura free market place prevailed. A joke on Johnny Carson' final show that contained 75 words and ran 30 seconds was worth approximately $150,000--the cost to advertisers of a 30-second spot on that show. Each word of the joke cost approximately $2000.

Though the rates of Carson's last show were particularly high, commercial time on The Impact of Smoking, television is always expensive, and an industry of network and station reps, time buyers and sellers work constantly to negotiate and manage the cost of care talk commodities on the television market. If a talk show makes money over time, its contract will be renewed. If it does not, no matter how valuable or critically acclaimed it may be, it will be pulled from the The Impact of Smoking air. A commodity so valuable must be carefully managed and planned. It must fit the commercial imperatives and time limits of for-profit television. Though it can be entertaining, even outrageous, it must never seriously alienate advertisers or viewers. As we can see from the examples above, talk shows are shaped by rise hitler many hands and guided by a clear set of principles. These rules are so well known that hosts, guests and viewers rarely stop to think about them.

What appears to of Smoking be one of television's most unfettered and spontaneous forms turns out to, on closer investigation, one of its most complex and about Sex Marriage, artful creations. -Bernard M. Timberg. MAJOR TALK SHOW HOSTS, 1948-94. Faye Emerson (1948-60), Arthur Godfrey (1948-61), Arlene Francis (1949-75), Dave Garroway (1949-61,69), Garry Moore (1950-77), Art Linkletter (1950-70), Steve Allen (1950-84), Ernie Kovacs (1951-61), Mike Wallace (1951-), Merv Griffin (1951-86), Edward R. Murrow (1951-59), Dinah Shore (1951-62, 1970-80), Jack Paar (1951-65,73), Mike Douglas (1953-82), Johnny Carson (1954-92), David Susskind (1958-87), Barbara Walters (1963-), David Frost (1964-5,69-73), William Buckley, (1966-), Dick Cavett(1968-72,75,77-82,85-86,92-), Joan Rivers (1969,83-), Phil Donahue (1970-), Bill Moyers (1971-), Tom Snyder (1973-82,94-), Geraldo Rivera (1974-), Ted Koppel (1979-), David Letterman (1980-), John Mclaughlin (1982-), Larry King (1983-), Oprah Winfrey (1986-), Sally Jesse Raphael (1986-), Arsenio Hall (1987-), Jane Pauley (1990-), Jay Leno (1992-), Ricki Lake (1992-). -Compiled by Robert Erler and The Impact Essay, Bernard Timberg. Carter, Bill. The Late Shift: Letterman, Leno, And The Network Battle For The Night. New York: Hyperion, 1994.

Corliss, Richard. Saboteur Ha Jin. The Talk Of Our Town. Film Comment (New York), January-February 1981. Donahue, Phil. The Impact Of Smoking Essay. Donahue: My Own Story. Big 5 Personality Free. New York: Simon Schuster, 1979. Downs, Hugh. On Camera: My 10,000 Hours On Television.

New York: Putnam's, 1986. Heaton, Jeanne Albronda and Nona Leigh. Tuning In Trouble: Talk TV's Destructive Impact On Mental Health. San Francisco: Josey-Bass, 1995. Himmelstein, Hal.

Television Myth and the American Mind. New York: Praeger, 1995. Hirsch, Alan. The Impact. Talking Heads: Political Talk Shows and Their Star Pundits. Big 5. New York: St. Martin's, 1991. Latham, Caroline. The David Letterman Story: An Unauthorized Biography. Of Smoking Essay. New York: Franklin Watts, 1987. Letterman, David.

Interview. Playboy (Chicago), October 1984. Livingstone, Sonia, and Peter Lunt. Talk On Television: Audience Participation And Public Debate . London: Routledge, 1994. Metz, Robert. The Today Show . Chicago: Playboy, 1977. Munson, Wayne.

All Talk: The Talkshow In Media Culture. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Temple University Press, 1993. Timberg, Bernard. The Unspoken Rules of Television Talk. In, Newcomb, Horace, editor.

Television: The Critical View. New York: Oxford University Press, 1994. Tynan, Kenneth. Show People. Of Adolf Hitler. New York: Simon Schuster, 1979. Priest, Patricia Joyner. Public Intimacies: Talk Show Participants And Tell-All TV.

Creskill, New Jersey: Hampton, 1995.

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